if the multitudes of my anger
ever met the layers of my love
they’d split the sadness
deep within me
Instead they cower and swim away
desperate to avoid creating
this hurricane that’s been due for months
but I’m already underwater
& have found I can’t drown
so I just float
out of breathe and out of hope
How am I terrified?
What could be more than this
This solemn emptiness
Sunk to the bottom of a siren song
Created on shore
But now I’m sure
Anchored to the blue
I’m still better off w/o you
Jul 29, 2020
Jul 29, 2020 at 11:37 PM UTC
we stood there on the dock, the waves coming in slow
the most familiar feeling, but you, I’d hardly known
your red hair looked like a campfire
dancing on your head
while your words warmed me deeply
as you frowned at me and said
“there’s no fish in this lake, I wanna go inside”
I laughed as we sat there, smiled and replied
“I was just like you when my grandpa took me to this dock
give it 10 more minutes, if there’s no bites, then we’ll stop”
you grabbed my hand and sat down, feet over the side
gave me your pink fishing pole, little eyes opened wide
looking for the fish, but it was too dark to see down there
leaned against my side, as the springtime breeze cooled the air
it didn’t seem so long ago, I was here with someone else
and he smiled like I smiled at you, while we fished by ourselves
he taught me to be patient and he taught me to live slow
while all I might’ve taught you, was that the fish don’t always show
after that, we went back in the house and said our quick goodbyes
I ruffled the fire on your head as you hugged around my side
kind of like I did when I let my grandpa go,
but I didn’t think this would be the last time, I’d see you again
though
as quickly as you came in my life
that’s as quickly you both went out
it’s all the same anyway, that’s how family things go about
but I’ll never forget that little smile and your little dig
when I lied and said, “I think we’ve got one, and it’s pretty big”
you said “Johnny it’s been 10 minutes and we haven’t caught a fish,
I’m getting really cold and I think we’re pretty bad at this”
I wish he could teach me again so then we’d actually catch a few
but he’s gone away, and now so have you
sometimes people die, and sometimes people’s parents get divorced
now you’re just a little stranger, who I fished with once before
Nov 6, 2019
Nov 6, 2019 at 2:53 PM UTC
I'm cursed to be the late night daydream
that floats from the back of your head
without precaution or warning
as you sweat alone in your bed
for you no longer know me
left me still standing but so spurned
you're the one I got caught up in, spun up on and churned
into the softest of feelings, left to harden in the earth
down in the fire of it slowly gaining self worth in dirt
but for now when you glide your hand across the my bottom of my cheek,
I'll turn my neck slowly, slightly feeling less weak
eye to eye till I fix on your grin
eye to eye as you move your fingers down my chin
then thrusting your fist firmly into my guts
twisting my insides
pulling out thoughtless words and blood
please just leave enough vitals for me to whisper to you
I'm fine, I'll be ok
in 20 years tops
for now I'm just cursed
but you could make it all stop
Nov 17, 2017
Nov 17, 2017 at 9:07 AM UTC
what do you think she looks like sitting out on the edge of a dock
as the sun is just beginning to creep down below the trees on the other side of the shore?
light washes just the right side her face as she looks up from dangling her toes in the water
seeing her through the fire pit you're warming yourself by
it crackles and grows, the flames in front of you dance around her messy hair in the distance
the loons coo & the waves slosh against the beach
her feet rise above the water
& she begins to float towards you above the tide
until she’s above the fire
the tallest embers flicker at her feet
she leans down and slowly runs her hand down your cheek
“i wished you loved yourself when you met me”
I think she feels like when the sun has gone down
and the fire is minutes from dying
and me alone
Mar 4, 2017
Mar 4, 2017 at 3:14 AM UTC
maybe you'll never
get over that first love
that first free fall, but something
that can triumph over those achy feelings
is meeting someone after who doesn't make those feelings
go away
but makes you feel like those feelings don't matter, and gives you
a platform to stand and then slowly rise from whatever hole you were
trapped in
Oct 4, 2016
Oct 4, 2016 at 7:11 AM UTC
it was like a single wave lapping the shore of north ave beach on a humid chicago night
the atmosphere filled with explosions and lights, a dizzying display of color up in the sky reflecting back down in a single wave kissing the sand below
the city swallowed all feelings whole on the 4th that night and for a few more after
until the show ended and the sun didn't come up the next morning, leaving the air filled with a smokey haze, awkward remnants mixed with what happened before & questions of what happens next
and the wave retreated back into the lake as quickly as it came
but even for just a few moments, it all seemed new and exciting
one summer in the city
Aug 31, 2016
Aug 31, 2016 at 3:41 PM UTC
i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room
i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room and look you in the eyes and see you need me
i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room and look you in the eyes and see you need me when i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room and look you in the eyes and see you need me
i think everything i tell myself is nonsense
Jul 27, 2016
Jul 27, 2016 at 2:09 AM UTC
I have the deepest sense of love
But it's so stupid
Cause i won't get it back
What
It's just empty
I've gave
Everything I am
So I
Am hollow
Like any word I'll try to say
To her
Cause she
Is already gone
Apr 24, 2016
Apr 24, 2016 at 2:35 AM UTC
i don't know if you need me
its just dark out
and i wanna walk you home
but you're crying and shaking in the room upstairs
i'm scared
because i have no control
while someone took all of yours
now there's only silence between your wailing screams
shattering the notions of these broken dreams
of you and our friends believing nothing bad could happen to us
we were just joking around in the same **** room
that you ran too
after their after hours took too **** long
and it all happened way too fast
i wanna kick his ***
i wanna fight, i wanna cry, i need to step outside
you didn't deserve this
now its quiet because my friend took you away
and the next day
when you leave the hospital i want to say
I still don't know if you need me
but i need you
to tell me you're ok
Apr 6, 2016
Apr 6, 2016 at 3:42 AM UTC
you can drown in the ocean
but people still flock to the beach
mostly when it's sunny
not so much when the sky is filled with clouds
or when a storm is brewing
but the ocean
it stays the same
the tide will come to the edge of the pier
and back down again
though the passion and strength of the waves changes
from forces sent from god to the gentlest whitecap kiss
rain or shine i'll stay with my feet in the water
pull me down if you want to
Jan 31, 2016
Jan 31, 2016 at 3:02 AM UTC