She said hold the weight upon your back
Count the films, let them stack
Find the layers that you lack
And add them up
Wear your stigmata like your scars
Embrace the strange and bizarre
The things that make you who you are
Not what you were
Forgot the things in that car you wrecked
Bleed new blood, paint it black
Play the saddest chords you know
Play them soft and play them slow
Sing your melodies in your lowest tone
Forget what they mean
Take your drink and take your drugs
Remember how it feels to fall in love
Let the notion wash away in the flood
Each coming spring
Build a raft of tinsel and tar
Flow into that cold sullen reservoir
These colors are nice and the rain is warm
But winter is coming along with the storms
Nov 29, 2018
Nov 29, 2018 at 11:19 PM UTC
I never wanted anything
that would make these notions stay
And I never wanted anything
No, that only causes useless fraying.
I never wanted anything
that would make these things go away.
And I never knew I could bring
all this pain and suffering.
Love only separates;
Love only makes me hate you more.
Oct 24, 2018
Oct 24, 2018 at 12:37 AM UTC
Words no longer flow from my head;
only unrecognizable patterns
and words I think I may have once said.
Oct 24, 2018
Oct 24, 2018 at 12:32 AM UTC
Last night I dreamed I was within a pinwheel or some kind of terror
and you were the one to choose my fate.
You chose the number I was most afraid of but held my hand through the doorway.
You only looked back to smile and I only held your hand to drag you down.
It was a daft dream.
But I dream daft things.
Aug 26, 2018
Aug 26, 2018 at 2:40 AM UTC
I feel like I could love; it feels like I do.
But I feel I am playing some role in this life
The role of "What if?" and "I'll be here."
and "She may love me, too."
I feel like I could love; I don't know if I do.
Maybe I've just confused love
with a different emotion. Maybe two.
That could be true.
I feel like I'm in love; but I don't know. With whom?
Maybe with just some words or fantasy
or emotional fever dream
Where we are dancing, somewhat inimatly,
Hands tied, swaying a candles gleam
In some dreamy ballroom.
I must be in love; I feel I love you.
What other force could make me say this to you?
What kind of dream could be composed of only you?
And be it just some dream, at least it's with you.
Aug 20, 2018
Aug 20, 2018 at 11:11 PM UTC
Come consider down by the river.
Shiver; drink my liquor, Indian giver.
Then, little by little, come to the middle
Where ripples trickle and dwindle, through the hospital.
You, my daughter; wade through the water.
This father falters and todders. "It can't be. No, not her."
Face meets floor, washed to the shore.
For four hours more, daddy mourns his *****
So gun shy. Drink your gin and rye.
Sigh, dry those humid eyes. Lie under Dubai's sky
And go consider, down by the river;
Shiver, drink her liquor, you Indian giver.
Then little by little, come to the middle.
Ripples trickle and dwindle, through the hospital.
Again consider, above the river.
Shiver, drink her liquor;
now she won't even care at all.
Jun 24, 2018
Jun 24, 2018 at 10:56 PM UTC
You call me up in the middle of the night.
What is it now, what’s the problem this time?
The same **** thing.; too much on your mind
But you have too few words to explain it.
So spout me all the parables.
Speak all the metaphors and analogies
My dear, oh my, that sounds so terrible,
and Im afraid it’s too much for just apologies
Well, maybe you wouldn’t be filled with such regrets
if you had the foresight to not do what you haven’t done yet.
But you’re a child eating paint chips filled with lead
while you’re parents watch and chain-smoke cigarettes
So I guess you’re just a product of the times;
thinking everything is greener on the other side
Well oh my dear, oh my,
I think it might be best to just apologize
So what if you ****** in the back of a car,
or injected needles filled with beautiful black tar.
And so what, you self-inflicted these scars,
it’s only skin, and only matters if you cut too far.
So what if you steal and you lie;
it only gets you closer to another high.
So what if you are fading from life?
I think the best thing to do is apologize
Just apologize.
Apologize don’t mean anything,
Just apologize.
Apologies mean nothing.
Just apologize.
It means nothing.
Jun 3, 2018
Jun 3, 2018 at 1:01 AM UTC
My mother has trapped some kind of bug under a cup
and told me to **** it with a napkin.
I don't like to **** things caught like that,
and moreover I'm afraid of bugs and insects.
At this point the cup has been still for several days.
I'm not sure if there even is a bug under there now.
'Oh, just take it outside.'
I'll keep pretending the cup is empty.
May 4, 2018
May 4, 2018 at 12:15 AM UTC
Words fail.
A happening ceases to be happening
and just is.
As if subconsciously,
deliberation becomes the same as breathing
blinking, equilibrium, panic,
and then all at once,
Love
All become impetuous.
Turn into some twist of fate,
or some happenstance;
it doesn't matter which.
All that matters is the pulsing dilation of the skin over her veins.
The crashing, writhing, weaving, turning, twisting waves of her body mirroring mine and vice versa.
I am just here; present.
Face flush to downy hair while wandering in some chaotic void of uncertainty and doubt and violent turbulence.
Words become meaningless.
All hope of understanding this fleshy, helter-skelter concept of
A sinuous 'élan vital' to 'inevitable ceasing death'
All hope of understanding fails.
But I will forever be in this calm of the storm.
Witnessing this pastel scene behind your eyes.
Through the nihilism and anarchy
I feel I am right where I need
And that is all that needs be.
Apr 25, 2017
Apr 25, 2017 at 10:53 PM UTC
A little cold away; a little walk.
A little hair down your shoulders.
A cold tint on your back,
On your back.
I never knew what that was for; I knew enough then.
I knew enough then
A little bit of wood;
A little tinder.
Your little flexible legs
Around my neck, around my back,
Around the walk-way.
Walk away.
A little girl who never knew
the *** and prostitutes around here.
What was that ****** towel on your back,
****** thing around your neck,
****** thing across your legs?
Who was that?
-What?-
Who was I?
*** I never knew, I never knew, those black and blue
Faces that hit you.
If it'll bug around,
You're gonna mess me up.
Mess me up.
So why don't you cause your pain;
if that's what you want to do?
*** you'll mess me up, so mess me up.
And your feet will dive into my mouth.
So **** me up. **** me up
So **** me up, **** me up.
**** me up.
**** me up.
So **** me up. **** me up.
**** me up.
So **** me up,
****
Apr 17, 2017
Apr 17, 2017 at 11:01 PM UTC