john-ashton-upston - Hello Poetry

Always wait 'till it's gone Always blind even when taught Always deaf even when sought Only looking back at what was Only pilling bricks on my walls Only gulping bile in my rue Coulda had, coulda got Coulda grabbed, coulda talked Coulda laughed, coulda loved Emptied comforts, emptied joys Emptied rooms, emptied possibilities Emptied mind, numb false serenity Only broke up by Intense flashes of Sanity. Disgust.

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Nov 29, 2020

Nov 29, 2020 at 11:54 PM UTC

Disgust

Always wait 'till it's gone Always blind even when taught Always deaf even when sought Only looking back at what was Only pilling bricks on my walls Only gulping bile in my rue Coulda had, coulda got Coulda grabbed, coulda talked Coulda laughed, coulda loved Emptied comforts, emptied joys Emptied rooms, emptied possibilities Emptied mind, numb false serenity Only broke up by Intense flashes of Sanity. Disgust.

16

Happiness scares me it truly frightens a pitter-patter, pitter-patter thumpening of the heart I cant breathe, cant see I want to run away I dull the emotion so I no longer have to feel this terror oh god its everywhere I cut it cut it out ah thats better its gone shes gone its gone isnt that so much better I can stand and sit alone my knees dont feel so weak, just numb i like numb it fits so much better Ah I love the sadness I love the catharsis how do these people go on in their lives in their pursuit of happiness doesnt it scare them? don't they feel that fear? I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand Am I the one that is wrong? Am I the one that is broken? no one ever thinks like this, I think So therefore I'm right to think it's them not me The logic is cold and comforting warmer than a blanket, more nourishing than a womb but not joyous no, not delightful just a release, a pressure eased, a knuckle cracked, a muscle popped a dark room with a cold breeze a lone mountain with foreboading clouds a lover gone, a possibility erased ah-- bliss, in emphatic apathy I am safe

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Nov 14, 2020

Nov 14, 2020 at 5:11 AM UTC

I am safe

Happiness scares me it truly frightens a pitter-patter, pitter-patter thumpening of the heart I cant breathe, cant see I want to run away I dull the emotion so I no longer have to feel this terror oh god its everywhere I cut it cut it out ah thats better its gone shes gone its gone isnt that so much better I can stand and sit alone my knees dont feel so weak, just numb i like numb it fits so much better Ah I love the sadness I love the catharsis how do these people go on in their lives in their pursuit of happiness doesnt it scare them? don't they feel that fear? I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand Am I the one that is wrong? Am I the one that is broken? no one ever thinks like this, I think So therefore I'm right to think it's them not me The logic is cold and comforting warmer than a blanket, more nourishing than a womb but not joyous no, not delightful just a release, a pressure eased, a knuckle cracked, a muscle popped a dark room with a cold breeze a lone mountain with foreboading clouds a lover gone, a possibility erased ah-- bliss, in emphatic apathy I am safe

30

What an Auspicious night my friends, What a day in fact, What a life What a reflecting Knife, What with it’s ticker-tack bindings taught with rife, Yes with the moon’s self served cursed light That’s right down into my very soul The pull of which yearns evermore for yet Another empty ***** and tet-tet It gets what it rents, it bleeds what it brecks, It feeds what it mets, is leads where it regrets Oh yes my friends Oh yes What an auspicious night What a day in fact What a death And you wake up alone In the village you built years ago Not as you as you are But you as as you were Or some oft changed memory of, like soft spun tar Molded shaped and bent, Broken in fact by the ravages and scars, Of nothing, of no one, of nobody, Of everything, of everyone, of ever body, All humans, all animals, all life No people, no beasts, no strife The cold carcass of the molten sun The future the past of another man’s son, What does it mean, what does it mean, You turn your head in the village But every stone is me The night ends to the rise Of not a start but a doom Luck is gone Love was a chemistry Engineered and now revereried Lipple lap the gods they laugh As the dice has been cast low and strung Aye further now you’ve fallen but higher you have come You split yourself in pieces unbeknownst to anyone Even your own mind unwitting to the deception As the chortles bortle onwards ad nauseum This prophecy disintegrating as it goes on What is left what is left You sat there alone for years stuck This is just the price to pay For the dam of time to unbrook What an auspicious night my friends In fact What a day In fact

0

Apr 22, 2019

Apr 22, 2019 at 5:40 AM UTC

An Auspicious Night

What an Auspicious night my friends, What a day in fact, What a life What a reflecting Knife, What with it’s ticker-tack bindings taught with rife, Yes with the moon’s self served cursed light That’s right down into my very soul The pull of which yearns evermore for yet Another empty ***** and tet-tet It gets what it rents, it bleeds what it brecks, It feeds what it mets, is leads where it regrets Oh yes my friends Oh yes What an auspicious night What a day in fact What a death And you wake up alone In the village you built years ago Not as you as you are But you as as you were Or some oft changed memory of, like soft spun tar Molded shaped and bent, Broken in fact by the ravages and scars, Of nothing, of no one, of nobody, Of everything, of everyone, of ever body, All humans, all animals, all life No people, no beasts, no strife The cold carcass of the molten sun The future the past of another man’s son, What does it mean, what does it mean, You turn your head in the village But every stone is me The night ends to the rise Of not a start but a doom Luck is gone Love was a chemistry Engineered and now revereried Lipple lap the gods they laugh As the dice has been cast low and strung Aye further now you’ve fallen but higher you have come You split yourself in pieces unbeknownst to anyone Even your own mind unwitting to the deception As the chortles bortle onwards ad nauseum This prophecy disintegrating as it goes on What is left what is left You sat there alone for years stuck This is just the price to pay For the dam of time to unbrook What an auspicious night my friends In fact What a day In fact

51

"Mother?" Say the child to it's mom. "Where, oh where, does the platypus come from?" The woman smiled, and laughed, and she told the story of where the platypus did come from. To her sweet, darling, little one. Once upon a time, there was a duck. And the duck was alone in the forest, because its family had grown up much too much. So the duck went to look for someone, to make his own little family with. The duck just wanted a place to belong, you see. So the duck went to the lioness and said 'Miss would you like to make a family with me?' But the lioness was proud and scornful, and turned the duck away. The duck was sad, of course, but he was much more saddened to think that he'd be alone. So he kept on going until he found a deer. But when he asked the deer, she ruefully claimed she already had a family. And that there was no place for a little duck. So off he went. He asked a spider, but the spider had a home. He asked a walrus, but the walrus couldn't be bothered. He asked a cat, but the cat just laughed. It came to a time when the duck had asked just about everyone in the forest if they would love him. But right as he was about to give up he came across a stream, and in there a beautiful little otter was there waiting for him. 'Oh wow... uh' the nervous duck said, 'What are you doing there?' 'I'm looking for a way to make a home,' She said, 'I've been looking all day because I'm all alone and quite lonely.' The duck swaddled and gleefully said. 'Well I don't know if you'll have me, but if there's no one better, you can take me in your stead?' 'But otters and ducks don't go together,' The otter complained. 'And why not? You're a little better under water and I'm a bit better on land. I think we could make a good team!' 'The forest will never accept us,' she continued, but-- 'Will you?' The duck interjoined. The otter sat there puzzled for a moment, and simply said, 'I'll try.' "And it wasn't easy, my dearest little one. Love never is. It springs up in unexpected ways, and finds you caught unawares. You may find your love in a place you never would have thunk. But it is out there, if you're willing to search for it. I promise you that much." "But... wait, mom! Where did the platypus come from?" "Ah. Of course. The duck and the otter went on to have many children, a platypus each and every one. The result of their love was the perfect child, someone who could combine the best of them, and someone who could finally make them a home." "Wow... mom, that is amazing! I wish I could be a platypus!" "Hmm? But didn't you know, little one? The otter in that story is me, and you're my perfect little platypus who gave us our lovely little home." The Mother embraced her child, as the duck watched at the door, happily forlorn.

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Sep 4, 2018

Sep 4, 2018 at 4:43 AM UTC

Where Does The Platypus Come From?

"Mother?" Say the child to it's mom. "Where, oh where, does the platypus come from?" The woman smiled, and laughed, and she told the story of where the platypus did come from. To her sweet, darling, little one. Once upon a time, there was a duck. And the duck was alone in the forest, because its family had grown up much too much. So the duck went to look for someone, to make his own little family with. The duck just wanted a place to belong, you see. So the duck went to the lioness and said 'Miss would you like to make a family with me?' But the lioness was proud and scornful, and turned the duck away. The duck was sad, of course, but he was much more saddened to think that he'd be alone. So he kept on going until he found a deer. But when he asked the deer, she ruefully claimed she already had a family. And that there was no place for a little duck. So off he went. He asked a spider, but the spider had a home. He asked a walrus, but the walrus couldn't be bothered. He asked a cat, but the cat just laughed. It came to a time when the duck had asked just about everyone in the forest if they would love him. But right as he was about to give up he came across a stream, and in there a beautiful little otter was there waiting for him. 'Oh wow... uh' the nervous duck said, 'What are you doing there?' 'I'm looking for a way to make a home,' She said, 'I've been looking all day because I'm all alone and quite lonely.' The duck swaddled and gleefully said. 'Well I don't know if you'll have me, but if there's no one better, you can take me in your stead?' 'But otters and ducks don't go together,' The otter complained. 'And why not? You're a little better under water and I'm a bit better on land. I think we could make a good team!' 'The forest will never accept us,' she continued, but-- 'Will you?' The duck interjoined. The otter sat there puzzled for a moment, and simply said, 'I'll try.' "And it wasn't easy, my dearest little one. Love never is. It springs up in unexpected ways, and finds you caught unawares. You may find your love in a place you never would have thunk. But it is out there, if you're willing to search for it. I promise you that much." "But... wait, mom! Where did the platypus come from?" "Ah. Of course. The duck and the otter went on to have many children, a platypus each and every one. The result of their love was the perfect child, someone who could combine the best of them, and someone who could finally make them a home." "Wow... mom, that is amazing! I wish I could be a platypus!" "Hmm? But didn't you know, little one? The otter in that story is me, and you're my perfect little platypus who gave us our lovely little home." The Mother embraced her child, as the duck watched at the door, happily forlorn.

30

Beautiful pink petals, supple layers of humanity. So close but so thin. It hurts that we cant reach other deeper. We humans are just so, weak, after all. So we try to cover our weakness on others. You press your wet entrance to mine but we can't connect. It's lacking, but baby it's all we got. It's cold inside, but girl all I can feel is your heat and I am no longer dying. There are tears down your eyes, but I can't take them away from you, I can't pull my self apart. I'm just a reaching empty void, trying to find a way to drown you down into my heart, and my weapon is a kiss, and I think that I'm winning, Until you pull apart.

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Sep 4, 2018

Sep 4, 2018 at 4:24 AM UTC

Apart.

Beautiful pink petals, supple layers of humanity. So close but so thin. It hurts that we cant reach other deeper. We humans are just so, weak, after all. So we try to cover our weakness on others. You press your wet entrance to mine but we can't connect. It's lacking, but baby it's all we got. It's cold inside, but girl all I can feel is your heat and I am no longer dying. There are tears down your eyes, but I can't take them away from you, I can't pull my self apart. I'm just a reaching empty void, trying to find a way to drown you down into my heart, and my weapon is a kiss, and I think that I'm winning, Until you pull apart.

21

I saw you just the other day... you know my days and nights they are blending together more than I might like. People say they are lost. But I am found. I am found lacking. I am found empty. But I am definitely here. I am definitely watching. Thinking. **** you haunt me. That stain, that sigh, that lie. The fear, the joy, that cry. The letter you wrote The songs we sang, in the night, in the night. What was your name? Where did you go? How have you been? Would you, like to, try again? Are you happy? What's it like, do I stay in your heart Or am I washed away in the tide, in the gives and pulls of a younger time. Yeah, I saw you there, and I must admit, it all ran through my mind. I saw you there, back turned, but I knew. Even in front of a Hello Kitty store, I-- And then I walked away.

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Sep 4, 2018

Sep 4, 2018 at 4:16 AM UTC

And Then I Walked Away

I saw you just the other day... you know my days and nights they are blending together more than I might like. People say they are lost. But I am found. I am found lacking. I am found empty. But I am definitely here. I am definitely watching. Thinking. **** you haunt me. That stain, that sigh, that lie. The fear, the joy, that cry. The letter you wrote The songs we sang, in the night, in the night. What was your name? Where did you go? How have you been? Would you, like to, try again? Are you happy? What's it like, do I stay in your heart Or am I washed away in the tide, in the gives and pulls of a younger time. Yeah, I saw you there, and I must admit, it all ran through my mind. I saw you there, back turned, but I knew. Even in front of a Hello Kitty store, I-- And then I walked away.

35

It's that last sound on her lips, that little whisper on that phone call, the affection and warmth that lingers beyond. It's just the way she said you were adorable, as if you were cared for, for the very first time, that maybe you thought to yourself, maybe this is alright, you didn't think it then, you couldn't you were speechless, powerless, weak, as of yet untested by the vestiges of time, of the loss of even that connection that line, you had no idea of how uncomfortable peace could be, of how ruinous letting your hear love, could be. You just didn't know. You couldn't So you sat there, and smiled, and you couldn't see your face but you know your eyes shined. In a light that hadn't been seen before, That you're unsure if it has ever shined since. You listen to those light piano keys, on random youtube videos, and each and every melody takes you back, and it's just that last little sound on her lips, just that last little whisper on that phone call, The affection and warmth that lingers beyond, When she said, "I love you."

0

Sep 4, 2018

Sep 4, 2018 at 4:05 AM UTC

When She Said

It's that last sound on her lips, that little whisper on that phone call, the affection and warmth that lingers beyond. It's just the way she said you were adorable, as if you were cared for, for the very first time, that maybe you thought to yourself, maybe this is alright, you didn't think it then, you couldn't you were speechless, powerless, weak, as of yet untested by the vestiges of time, of the loss of even that connection that line, you had no idea of how uncomfortable peace could be, of how ruinous letting your hear love, could be. You just didn't know. You couldn't So you sat there, and smiled, and you couldn't see your face but you know your eyes shined. In a light that hadn't been seen before, That you're unsure if it has ever shined since. You listen to those light piano keys, on random youtube videos, and each and every melody takes you back, and it's just that last little sound on her lips, just that last little whisper on that phone call, The affection and warmth that lingers beyond, When she said, "I love you."

28

Man. Always. Entranced. By that, Horizon Dawning, radiantly In the dusk of the valleys, In that place where only, kings and. Vagabonds, go In that secret place where, you and I know, That secret whisper that Lush moonlit smile That smitten meal With hidden doves aflut Good god there is none Yet still, angel, You Are One. So where does that leave me, I wonder, I ponder, Lost and alone, Across time, space, and a simple screen, Across the fragility and powerlessness of the human heart, The unwieldy empty reach of my dreams, Those lost Hidden valleys, oh, Just the thought of the sight, Just the temptation of that, Empty horizon, on the tip of my tongue, Those beautiful curves, twisted upon every single one Of My Nerves. Good god there is none, But, maybe if there was, It’d be someone and something like you, Just a precious little thing, Just something out of reach, As Icarus reached out for the sun, And I only your waxing moon, Content now and again, If I dare say it, To reflect some of your own shine, Upon those who would wear it, Just over reach, Just beyond heaven. Therein.

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Jul 31, 2018

Jul 31, 2018 at 1:54 AM UTC

Therein

Man. Always. Entranced. By that, Horizon Dawning, radiantly In the dusk of the valleys, In that place where only, kings and. Vagabonds, go In that secret place where, you and I know, That secret whisper that Lush moonlit smile That smitten meal With hidden doves aflut Good god there is none Yet still, angel, You Are One. So where does that leave me, I wonder, I ponder, Lost and alone, Across time, space, and a simple screen, Across the fragility and powerlessness of the human heart, The unwieldy empty reach of my dreams, Those lost Hidden valleys, oh, Just the thought of the sight, Just the temptation of that, Empty horizon, on the tip of my tongue, Those beautiful curves, twisted upon every single one Of My Nerves. Good god there is none, But, maybe if there was, It’d be someone and something like you, Just a precious little thing, Just something out of reach, As Icarus reached out for the sun, And I only your waxing moon, Content now and again, If I dare say it, To reflect some of your own shine, Upon those who would wear it, Just over reach, Just beyond heaven. Therein.

49

I’m sorry that I’m the problem. Oh let me tell you I’m sorry for being the way I am. I’m sorry that I like you and I like her. I’m so sorry that I want you in my arms.. I’m sorry that I can’t change. I’m sorry that I create issues. I’m sorry that I fight for what I say. I’m just sorry that I disgust you. And I’m sorry that other guys who do the same. Get called better names. I’m sorry instead of playing with a taken person, I stood my ground and walked away. I apologize for like women, in the selfish, self serving, greedy way That only I can. I’m sorry for respecting, at every endeavor, to walk away. Yet still yearning for them to turn, and off their hands. I am sorry for being lonely, strange, weird, annoying. I am sorry for being human. I am sorry that your feelings matter more than mine, I am sorry that who I am gets lost in the shuffle. I’m sorry for arguing, for fighting, for not denying certain truths. I’m incredibly sorry for this pain I feel, not even knowing you. I’m sorry that you felt the need to isolate me. I’m sorry that you don’t know me. I’m sorry that I’m needy. I’m sorry that I push too hard, as others don’t try at all, or try much harder. I’m sorry that I don’t look that good. I’m truly sorry for all my knicks, mis-intentions, and flaws. I’m sorry for this stupid poem, for venting. And, gosh, I’m just so sorry, that I’m nothing at all. Except the jokes on you. I’m not sorry at all and neither are you. If you read this, you’ll blink nary an eye, all your suspicions will be true. What a creep. How uncomfortable is this feeling, in my seat. Hypocrisy is a wheel, lookism an ideal, and people like me, the pieces that don’t fit. Truly a sorry lot, all.

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Jun 18, 2018

Jun 18, 2018 at 9:30 PM UTC

I'm Sorry.

I’m sorry that I’m the problem. Oh let me tell you I’m sorry for being the way I am. I’m sorry that I like you and I like her. I’m so sorry that I want you in my arms.. I’m sorry that I can’t change. I’m sorry that I create issues. I’m sorry that I fight for what I say. I’m just sorry that I disgust you. And I’m sorry that other guys who do the same. Get called better names. I’m sorry instead of playing with a taken person, I stood my ground and walked away. I apologize for like women, in the selfish, self serving, greedy way That only I can. I’m sorry for respecting, at every endeavor, to walk away. Yet still yearning for them to turn, and off their hands. I am sorry for being lonely, strange, weird, annoying. I am sorry for being human. I am sorry that your feelings matter more than mine, I am sorry that who I am gets lost in the shuffle. I’m sorry for arguing, for fighting, for not denying certain truths. I’m incredibly sorry for this pain I feel, not even knowing you. I’m sorry that you felt the need to isolate me. I’m sorry that you don’t know me. I’m sorry that I’m needy. I’m sorry that I push too hard, as others don’t try at all, or try much harder. I’m sorry that I don’t look that good. I’m truly sorry for all my knicks, mis-intentions, and flaws. I’m sorry for this stupid poem, for venting. And, gosh, I’m just so sorry, that I’m nothing at all. Except the jokes on you. I’m not sorry at all and neither are you. If you read this, you’ll blink nary an eye, all your suspicions will be true. What a creep. How uncomfortable is this feeling, in my seat. Hypocrisy is a wheel, lookism an ideal, and people like me, the pieces that don’t fit. Truly a sorry lot, all.

32

Patriotism, dead, dying a decrepit old region Such violent imagery, juxtaposed, versus common refrain Love of country, we cannot escape our past. Patronizingly ignorant, embolden our greatness, our ironic freedom, memorialized the blood shed for it, the wrong blood.

0

Mar 26, 2017

Mar 26, 2017 at 10:20 PM UTC

Inspired by Old Gods

Patriotism, dead, dying a decrepit old region Such violent imagery, juxtaposed, versus common refrain Love of country, we cannot escape our past. Patronizingly ignorant, embolden our greatness, our ironic freedom, memorialized the blood shed for it, the wrong blood.

6