jodeguzman
I’m like an unsealed mystery box, myterious in some ways, but I reveal bits of me vaguely. unsealed, but no one dared to open me. oh! some tried, but they’re too confuse because I’m made up of jigsaw pieces. I want you to look deeper, I want you to understand me more, I want you to read between the lines I’ve uttered, but you never did. you just deal with those words I’ve said, thinking that they were just random thoughts of mine, but no, they are more than just that, they are bits of me, a puzzle to complete an image of me.
I always feel bad about myself,
I always mess things up,
I do ten things and fail eleven times,
and I end up blaming others
of all the **** that's happening to me.
I cry to myself at night,
I keep all the pain inside
until I physically feel the pain
stabbing right through my heart.
then lately I realized,
maybe it's all my fault.
no, not maybe,
it really is my fault,
and instead of complaining,
why not take another step
and move on.
if I'll fail,
I'll fail better this time,
I'll fail
and fail
and fail
until I'll have that sweet success.
it may not be an easy road,
but so what?
I might fall hard,
with face first,
but that would only mean I'm walking forward.
Mar 13, 2015
Mar 13, 2015 at 9:53 PM UTC
I want you to stay, because you want to
and not because you promise me to
say “I love you” because really do
and not because you’re oblige to
I’d be your best friend if I need to
wait until you say what are you up to
if you feel like you got nothing to hold unto
it’ll be painful for me — but I’ll let go of you
Jun 6, 2014
Jun 6, 2014 at 11:25 AM UTC
funny how someone
made you believe
that there is “forever”
then one wrong move
or anything that displease them,
it’s “over”
Jun 5, 2014
Jun 5, 2014 at 2:33 PM UTC
someday I can inspire others through my stories
someday I'll get a letter from a stranger, wishing me a good day
someday I'll be someone whom my parents would be proud of
someday I'll be someone whom others would look up to
someday...
someday
it breaks my heart knowing that my future seems a bit gloomy and dull
I always feel hopeless. like everything I do makes no sense
do I deserve that life I dream of? I feel like I don't
I feel like I'm going nowhere. it's hopeless.
I'm hopeless. I'm always hopeless.
May 27, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 4:14 PM UTC
she got all the things I have to live without
I don't get it why people look up to her
saying "she's so tough", inspired by what she've been through
the struggles she had were no more than half of mine
I'm five years younger. she's a mom, and so am I
I am a teenage mom, and my boyfriend left me
I only had myself for that nine months
while her on the other hand is a mistress who got pregnant
and people still look up to her. and no, I don't hate her
I like her, I sent her letters, and I always got no response
I'm not mad, I don't hate her
I'm just wondering, why is it so hard for me to gain love?
is there something wrong with me?
why am I always left unnoticed? and worse -- rejected?
why? am I that hard to be adored?
May 27, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 4:02 PM UTC
not because I love you not.
you never believed that I do,
I always fail to make you feel that I do.
sorry I can’t be someone you needed.
May 26, 2014
May 26, 2014 at 11:35 AM UTC
this story isn’t over yet.
it’s either we’ll continue it together.
or separate have a story on our own,
or just settle being alone,
regretting why we let it end.
perhaps our story might just having a little break
to prepare each one us
for that “right time” for our “right love”.
I don’t know.
I want it to end,
thinking the pain would end too.
hoping it would make me stop hurting you.
but not having you at all,
even if I’ll have all good days in exchange,
it would hurt.
twice as the pain that I’m feeling now.
I don’t want to let you go,
but I don’t know,
May 26, 2014
May 26, 2014 at 11:20 AM UTC
a conversation that will never occur,
a message that no one will ever send,
a date nobody will ever plan,
for something that will never happen
May 26, 2014
May 26, 2014 at 11:19 AM UTC
I’m not clingy. I’m a cold-hearted *****
I often don’t care about everything.
if you won’t start the conversation, we’ll never ever talk.
if you need me, you have to look for me.
I won’t show you that I care, that I miss you or whatsoever.
I don’t want anyone to see my weak sides.
I don’t blame you for getting tired of me.
because I know all along it’s my fault.
and sorry, I don’t want to change.
May 26, 2014
May 26, 2014 at 11:16 AM UTC
I’m sorry I’m not that pretty. unlike the other girls you see.
I’m sorry I’m not smart. I can’t write you letter and songs.
I’m sorry I’m not as sweet as what should I be.
I’m sorry I’m such a mess. you deserve someone better than me.
I’m sorry I am just me. and I’m not trying to be someone you want me to be.
I’m sorry for the things I’ve done and I’ve failed to do.
I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I exist.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 1:39 AM UTC