healing is not easy.
some days i allow the sadness
to engulf me like an avalanche.
feeling the pain in each and every one
of my bones.
other days,
it’s r a g e.
a fire that refuses to stop.
decimating all in its path.
and then,
there’s the joy.
like gazing at a sunset.
knowing that choosing yourself
was the only way to survive.
and i am.
s u r v i v i n g.
i’m not sure
where the next destination is.
i’d imagine indifference.
and i can’t wait..
oh boy, can’t i wait.
to not give a single **** about you.
Feb 3, 2021
Feb 3, 2021 at 6:06 PM UTC
i know that in this big, bad world
the only person who can save us
from us
is ourselves.
but wouldn't it be nice to have
a knight in shining armor
rescuing you from
drinking that entire bottle of liquid fire
wouldn't it be nice to have
a crusader coming to you
preventing you from
swallowing that towering pile of pills
wouldn't it be nice to have
a warm sunshiney, kiss
telling you everything
will be o k a y
before snorting that last line
in the end
the destruction of ourselves
only comes from
ourselves.
but my, oh my
wouldn't it be nice
to have a hero
other than yourself.
Nov 2, 2016
Nov 2, 2016 at 9:01 PM UTC
i wish i had never met you
i manage to somehow stammer out.
in between the long tokes i take
from liquid nostalgia
but sadly,
even i know that's not true.
but saying
'i still dream about you'
feels as pathetic
as the shattered remnants
of my pride
i've always said
time is a liar --
only sending you
the warm, slow dances
in the middle of a room.
without showing
the heart break
that quickly came after.
but for tonight,
i'll ride out this high (or low)
and pretend that you loved me
as i loved you.
Jan 27, 2016
Jan 27, 2016 at 3:31 PM UTC
isn't it funny?
how it's easier to blame yourself,
rather than the person who destroyed you?
it's easier to extinguish
the fire inside of you
than to devalue the person
you love (loved)
I will n e v e r allow
someone to rip apart
my self-worth
when they're the ones
who aren't whole.
and neither should you.
Feb 17, 2015
Feb 17, 2015 at 10:51 AM UTC
Does our heart ever really
heal from this?
Or do we just learn to manage
the pain?
Personally, I think the latter.
My mom disagrees with me though..
She says someday, I'll meet a man
and he'll make it all vanish.
And maybe she's right
but it isn't someday and
I don't have that someone.
So here I am lying in
bed asking myself
w h y was it so easy
((or not so easy))
for someone to blatantly
walk out of my life
without any regards of
looking back
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 11:13 AM UTC
we've all been in it.
not knowing what to do
or just what to say.
tiptoeing around the parts of yourself
you're not quite ready to reveal.
scared that one skeleton
peaking from the closet
could scare them away
but you said monsters
never scared you,
that life isn't fun without a little risk.
so I took your words,
and used them.
I showed you those things,
that I said I would never again show.
and you never f a l t e r e d,
never flinched.
you fell in love with me,
fell in love with those parts
that even I was still afraid to love.
knights in shining armor don't exist
and you can't wait for the prince
to rescue you from the dragon.
but when you find that person,
that loves you on days
when you're the dragon,
treasure them.
and I promise you,
I will.
Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 5:10 PM UTC
**"When people start to hate
they stop living."
my history professor
once told me that.
in my times of weakness
when you slither into my mind
and bite down
like you so often did.
I remind myself that if
I let the venom s p r e a d
I am no better.
so go on
keep smoking away the pain
you inflict onto others.
but I can tell you this,
I ****** your venom out
long, long ago.
and learned how to
move on from the bites of others.
it's a shame, really..
that you can't
say the same.
Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 5:05 PM UTC
it all comes at once
like a tidal wave
crashing and destroying
all in its wake.
what is there to do?
try swimming and become
****** under.
or give up
and give yourself
to the ever flowing current.
I guess life is all about
the choices and decisions
we choose to make.
and I guess in my life
I'm choosing to swim and fight.
but if that's so,
why does it feel
like I'm constantly
d r o w n i n g
Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 5:01 PM UTC
I think one of the worst things
about remembering bits of
you.
is that it always hits at
the times when I feel
the most bliss.
you truly were
a monster
you broke things,
I never knew could break.
and made me forget
all the parts of myself
I had finally grown to like.
but
I refuse to let this poem
be filled with the hate
you spewed into me
instead,
I will thank you.
because now,
when I look over at him.
I see all the things I needed
and all the things
you could've never given me.
Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 4:58 PM UTC