jamie-wasnothing
American
Hello there, my name's Jay and I'm a young writer/poet! I spend a lot of my free time writing not necessarily poems, but short stories and attempted novels as well! Feel free to send me a message, I love talking to people! / / Also, I have one tumblr for basically reblogging stuff ( ifitfallsapart.tumblr.com ) and another where I post art ( littlebirdhowareyou.tumblr.com ) so feel free to follow one or the other, both, or even neither of them.
this morning
as i groggily rolled onto my back
and felt the weight of the blanket draped across my body
i briefly thought you were lying atop me
my face buried in your shoulder
my lips gently pressing against your neck
and then quickly gravitating downwards
repeatedly kissing the spot where your neck and shoulder meet
so as to make you shiver against me
and smile brighter than the morning sun
snuggling against me more
so that i could wrap my arms and lift my legs around you
both of us sleepy but bathed in the morning light
and so i laid there
for two minutes past my alarm
lost in the everlasting euphoria that just the thought of you can bring
wishing that maybe
just maybe
i was only dreaming that you weren't there
Mar 31, 2014
Mar 31, 2014 at 4:33 PM UTC
and tonight i shall bow at the altar
like a great tree bends in the wind
and scratch my skin
as an offering
to the confidence i lost with my femininity,
to the loved ones i have lost or forgotten,
to stars and the heavens and the seas
my branches will snap and break away
my leaves will crunch underfoot
as i stand and cry out from the pain
until i have bled myself dry
but like all great trees
i will grow again when the storm has passed
wiser and lovelier than ever before
Mar 7, 2014
Mar 7, 2014 at 9:23 PM UTC
On those days when
your ghosts visit you
before witching hour,
wrapping their familiar
fingers around your
throat, remember:
it's okay to relapse.
As they shove their
fingers down your throat,
you'll find it hard to
breath and even harder
to try and think.
Because the dead
will force you to
remember all the
anxieties that you
grew out of, all
the tendencies that
they inspired in you
that ranged from suicidal
to only worrying too much.
And I'm sorry to say it,
but eventually you will
***** up every single
butterfly they ever gave
you, along with the fond
memories you tried to
keep for a rainy day.
You're going to make one
hell of a mess all over the
present and the immediate
future, and your ghosts will
make sure you can't do
anything else until you break
down in defeat and beg for
their mercy and forgiveness.
And you won't be granted
either of those things, but
they will eventually leave
for purgatory again and you
will be able to think again
and remember that
it's okay to relapse
because your past will
always be a part of you.
Mar 7, 2014
Mar 7, 2014 at 9:11 PM UTC
I'm sorry that my back broke
when it was suddenly weighed down
by the ******* I no longer want
and that you had to pick up the
pieces of my spine, despite being
the second to know.
I regret that, in the aftermath,
there has been only regression
into my old habit of feeling a strong
itch coursing through my veins
and pulsing beneath my skin,
leaving me with fanciful thoughts
of scratching my skin raw.
But words cannot adequately
describe how badly I want
to figure out how to properly
thank you for being as amazing
as you are, never showing the
slightest hint of disappointment
that I've gotten back into old
habits of thinking far too much,
and holding my hand across the
tightrope of being genderqueer.
There are an infinite number
of ways in which I love you.
Mar 7, 2014
Mar 7, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC
i think maybe the reason we mesh so well
is because we both still hold onto the ghosts
of the lovers we lied about forgetting.
however, i think they are still the cowards
for pretending like they moved on long ago
when we are still in each breath they breathe.
Mar 7, 2014
Mar 7, 2014 at 9:07 PM UTC
At the end of the day
I still won't have felt your touch
Only heard your voice
And seen your face
But at the end of the day
I'll imagine your touch
Your arms holding me
Your hands grabbing me
Your lips kissing me
And your body oh-so-close to mine
But at the end of the day
I'll remember your voice
You'll be talking over loud music
You'll be using your fine sense of language
You'll whisper things in my ear
And you'll make me blush all over
But at the end of the day
I'll remember your face
In a half-lit room with messy hair framing it
In a half-lit room with half-lidded eyes
In a half-lit room with a dreamy smile
And in a half-lit room with a gaze fixed upon me
Mar 7, 2014
Mar 7, 2014 at 9:05 PM UTC
One day we should live our daily lives in underwear
Without a single worry or care
You can wear flattering boxers and I'll wear cute *******
And maybe later we'll become bed-sheet vigilantes
Together we can lay around with a lack of pants
And you could also teach me how to dance
Perhaps those ******* will be polka-dotted or even black with lace
Either way I'll constantly have a smile on my face
Perhaps your boxers will be colorful or plain
No matter what, I'm sure they'll entertain
Without a doubt, I'm sure we'll have fun
Because being with you is second to none
Mar 7, 2014
Mar 7, 2014 at 9:04 PM UTC
I've got a tingling all over me
The kind that makes you howl
And I think I'm losing it babe
I'll throw my clothes off
Just to scratch at this itch
After all, everything's better in *******
I'll dazedly watch my skin blush
Shy at the attention it's getting
From the fingers being raked across it
My freckles won't be the only geometric thing then
I'll have parallel and perpendicular lines
****** squares and rectangles
You wouldn't believe the roaring that fills my mind then
When I see that miasma of pinks and reds
Telling me that I don't deserve anything
Especially not you
Mar 7, 2014
Mar 7, 2014 at 9:01 PM UTC
I only pray for certain things
And most of them involve you
I pray that my dad won't read my texts
Because he wouldn't understand you and I
I pray that my dad won't read between the lines
Because then I'd be banned from talking to you
I pray that no harm will come to you
Because I'd be lost without you at my side
I pray that we'll be left alone
Because I'm scared of people interfering
I pray that I'll never make you upset
Because I can't stand the thought of it
But I don't even know what I pray to
Because the cosmos have given up on me
Aug 1, 2013
Aug 1, 2013 at 5:00 PM UTC
I didn't always like you
Romantically, I mean
But one day I noticed you
I mean, really and truly noticed you
The way you smiled
The way you laughed
The way you spoke
The way you listened
And I found myself standing there
With butterflies in my stomach and heart
But I was frightened and ashamed of the way I felt
I thought it was unrealistic to hope for anything to happen
So I tucked them away
Under "Feelings that won't ever come to light"
And I contented myself with being your friend
Because I didn't want to lose you
I was happy
For a while, anyway
Every so often those feelings would surface
And I'd sort of vaguely distance myself for a bit
Once they were under control again,
I'd act as if nothing had happened and go back to "normal."
But eventually those feelings started clawing at me
Tearing me apart and stressing me to my breaking point
So I wrote about those feelings
Calling you my "close friend"
But then I wrote about them again
Calling you my "somebody who I like"
And you noticed the second time and I
I felt my stomach twist
I worried that you would be disgusted
Having your friend turn out to have romantic feelings for you
So I went with the other person I "liked"
Who I ended up feeling platonic about (and so did she)
But then I wrote again, with you nagging at my mind
About letting anyone tell me that they liked me
And you replied and,
And I've never been happier.
Jul 29, 2013
Jul 29, 2013 at 11:07 PM UTC