I wrote to you last, talking about the day,
that your spirit slipped away.
As those moments, drag on in my mind,
I lose all comprehension of time.
Recalling the chaos of hurried souls,
as they seem to dance around you.
The curtains closed, but they did not stop,
and the sound of their voices grew.
His voice delivering words, I begged to hear,
and the curtains were drawn open.
Devastation has surrounded us all,
as we watch, praying and hoping.
Your body has become so frail,
and the violent jerks look painful.
I hear his screams telling them to stop,
only to save your life, they are unable.
In these moments I am fully aware,
of what transpires around me.
A gripping weight pulling on my back,
hearing my mother scream and plea.
Both of my sisters' pain echoing,
as their cries fill and drown the halls.
I stand there like a statue - unmoving,
waiting for the outcome of it all.
There are fifteen people in the room,
and ten more, outside your door.
They have done what they can,
to give us a few minutes more.
They tell us, that this is it - the end,
and to say our final goodbyes.
I am the first to rush into the room,
and be next to you by your side.
I don't know how conscious you are,
since your soul was ready to leave.
Whispering in your ear "I love you",
and "it's okay, go home and be free".
Embracing you as if roles reversed,
I smooth your hair, so lovingly.
Knowing that any second could be the last,
until you depart this world completely.
Scrutinizing your face, for every detail,
while you take each laboured breath.
Watching you slip away from the light,
and pass slowly into your death.
Then the dreaded moment arrives,
and your soul has now departed.
My blanket of strength is gone,
and I am left broken hearted.
Through all that happened that day,
I am haunted by the uncertainty.
Not by the efforts made to save you,
but by now knowing absolutely.
When I told you I love you -
did you know it was me saying it?
When you said I love you back -
did you know it was me you said it to?
Dec 18, 2022
Dec 18, 2022 at 10:45 AM UTC
You may see my lips smile,
never reaching my eyes.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.
You may hear my laugh,
never reaching my heart.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.
You may witness a moment,
never knowing it's depth.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.
You won't see me crying,
always keeping it hidden.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.
You won't hear the pain,
always buried deep inside.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.
You won't witness my grief,
always alone with the weight.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.
You might know that I've lost,
but not what it means to me.
You might know that I'm broken,
but not what it means for me.
You might have an understanding,
but they will never be compared.
You might be in the same boat,
but not in the same seat as myself.
We may walk the same path,
or travel along the same river.
This does not mean we are the same,
You are you and I am me.
This is okay!
Our healing journey is unique,
and it's okay - to not be okay.
Our days will look different,
and it's okay - to not be okay.
Our struggles will vary,
and it's okay - to not be okay.
Our self-compassion differs,
and it's okay - to not be okay.
You will only see a fraction -
the parts that I wish to share,
the rest is my own burden,
mending my hearts biggest tear.
Nov 16, 2022
Nov 16, 2022 at 1:39 PM UTC
In the midst of the changes,
a new season approaches,
surrounded by the leaves,
that are pulled from the trees.
By the weight of gravity,
or the wind that blows,
their colours are changing,
their placement rearranging.
With every leaf that falls,
I think of you; each one a memory,
and as they hit the ground- a thought,
every one of yours is now lost.
The stories you would tell,
with fondness in your voice,
never to be heard by you,
since those days are through.
Buried deep in mother earth,
lay treasures never shared,
taken upon your depart,
also leaving with my heart.
I know you are still here,
even though I don't see you,
but it will never be the same,
when someone says your name.
A part of me died that day,
when you left this world,
my soul was shattered,
pieces broken and tattered.
The love you gave to me,
never fades with passing days,
I promise to share that love,
until the day we meet above.
Oct 7, 2022
Oct 7, 2022 at 11:55 AM UTC
Donnie Smyth,
If you were sitting next to me, sharing this view, so early in the morning, I would sit and talk with you.
We would catch up on each other’s lives, since it’s been too long. I would say…
“ I didn’t know you liked motorcycles.”
And smile at your excitement while you talk about it.
I would then tell you just how dangerous they are and of course to be careful. Expressing my concern for your safety.
This makes me want to cry.
Knowing that you would probably roll your eyes at me and brush it off laughing. But then again, I can’t say for sure. It’s been so long since the way we were friends as kids. I miss you Donnie.
I would go on to ask how things are in your life.
“How is your mom and brother doing? How is work going for you these days? Is there a special lady in your life? Where abouts are you staying – is it a nice place? Do you like it?”
I would listen to all your answers, hoping that each response is filled with happiness. Sharing your joy for all the blessings you have, and the blessings you give to others.
Together we would sit, facing the city line and watch the crows gather together in numbers that are rarely seen. Only this early in the morning, in the right spot, can we watch this and chat. Marveling at the wonders of life, all while facing it’s challenges every day.
What an odd feeling – so conflicting…
Here we sit, together, watching the day dawn and it’s beautiful but I am still sad. Because you sit here with me in spirit, but there is still a feeling of absence.
My dear friend Donnie, I miss those days when we were kids. I will cherish those memories for as long as I live and the friendship we shared. You felt like a brother in some ways, and I know you were as genuine as my own brothers.
No words will explain these feelings, but I know you will get this letter and the feelings that accompany it. I miss you my friend.
Until we meet again,
Jamie
Feb 14, 2022
Feb 14, 2022 at 9:02 AM UTC
It feels like it's been,
a blink of the eye,
from the time we met,
until it was goodbye.
We've come so far,
from the first hello,
to standing here now,
wishing you didn't go.
I know how it works,
so I will try my best,
not to be too sad,
that you're laid to rest.
It may have been short,
but it was also eventful,
you opened your heart,
for that I am grateful.
I know it was hard,
to watch a love grow,
I know it was hard,
to let your baby go.
So now comes the time,
where I will tell you so,
that she loves you dearly,
though you already know.
Your impact will last,
through this you live on,
too much to be forgotten,
and never truly gone.
Deep within our hearts,
you're tucked safely away,
until we're re-united,
on some other day.
Oct 7, 2021
Oct 7, 2021 at 1:29 PM UTC
I can't stop myself from thinking,
knowing the pain that you're in,
And it hurts me to be helpless,
wishing that I could make it end.
I'm so sorry this has happened,
and there's nothing I can do,
I know that my love isn't enough,
even though I feel it strongly for you.
I wish that it could be magic,
and heal your wounds,
I wish that you could tell me,
That you're okay too.
My poor kitty I am so sorry,
for what you're going through,
my dear kitty please know,
that I absolutely love you.
I hope you're okay babes 💚😔
Dec 31, 2020
Dec 31, 2020 at 1:02 PM UTC
If I let go...who am I?
If I let go of the pain that made me strong,
does that mean I have become weak?
If I let go of the betrayals from the past,
how will I guard myself in the future?
If I let go of the anger I hold inside,
what will fuel the fire within?
If I let go of the wrong done to me,
will I make the same mistakes?
If I let go of the person I have been,
who am I?
Nov 12, 2020
Nov 12, 2020 at 6:33 PM UTC
They say, that the storm will blow over.
Before it does, the rain will try to drown you.
The strong winds will try to push you.
The surrounding clouds will try to limit you.
The darkness will try to consume you.
Do not surrender to the storm. For if you hold strong and keep rooted, the storm will blow over, rather than blowing you over.
They say, that time heals all wounds.
The time does not heal you or set you free.
In the concept of time, perception is the key.
Will it be your friend, or your enemy?
It is not with you, nor against thee;
it is a gift, that comes with no guarantee.
Do not be fooled by time. For it is not objective; what you do with the unknown time given to you, can be full of endless possibilities.
They say, that good things come to those who wait.
Though this is true, not without challenges along the way.
It cannot be said with an exact amount of days.
Those who are waiting, had a price to pay.
Do not lose faith in the Universe. Things happen as they will, but you will see brighter days ahead.
They say, that love is blind.
Overlooking behaviours, choosing to disbelieve.
The trust line broken, unable to receive.
Peering into the eyes, yet still deceived.
Do not be confused by this. It is not blindness, but unconditional love - that we accept their faults, have hope and believe it exists within them, for this is Love.
They say, that you are your own worst enemy.
Never underestimate the power of the mind.
Learn self-love and discover what you find.
Judging and criticizing is but a waste of time.
Do not succumb to fear. For your thoughts are a powerful thing. You have overcome many struggles.
They say, that life is short.
So take each day as a blessing.
Life is made of moments and lessons.
Take chances! You never know where they will lead you.
Sep 27, 2020
Sep 27, 2020 at 10:13 AM UTC
The world is full of many souls,
where most have a pair of eyes.
Yet so many of these people,
cannot see through the disguise.
Time after time, and again,
these words have been spoken.
Our world is rooted in hate,
everything still remains broken.
When the world looks at me,
do they see what I see?
A member of our society,
fighting to live free.
When the world looks at me,
they see what they want to see;
They do not see me,
for who I am truly.
My heritage fights to exist,
we will not be silenced.
We will never cease to resist,
regardless of being distanced.
They have taken our land,
and so many of our people.
To this day we still stand,
and our hearts are hopeful.
Do not be blind, instead see me;
I am Aboriginal.
When the world looks at me,
do they know what I know?
Times have come so far,
and yet they're still dark.
They have moved the bar,
and ignited a spark.
For so long I could not love,
without being judged.
For so long I have cried tears,
living in so much fear.
Before you I stand,
with my love at my side.
This does not mean,
we don't have to hide.
We are not fully accepted,
in this world full of hate.
When the world looks at me,
do they see what I see?
Do not be blind, but see me;
I am a lesbian.
When the world looks at me,
do they know what I know?
My upbringing was plagued,
with misery and trauma.
I suffered three levels of abuse,
but that's just drama.
Punches, belts, fists and spoons,
but "stop your **** crying".
Verbal assaults following soon,
all telling me I am not worthy.
This life I have lived has hurt,
I tried many times to escape.
So stand before me and judge,
because despite it all, I will not break.
When the world looks at me,
do they see what I see?
When the world looks at me,
do they know what I know?
It is the blind, leading the blind,
they do not see.
Do not be fooled by the disguise,
look and see.
When I look into the world,
I will not judge it but rather see;
Our stories may be different,
but we are all one species.
I will stand for anyone,
who is being suppressed.
I will stand for anyone,
whose rights are not given.
I will stand for anyone,
who needs my support.
You may not see me,
but I am not blind;
I do see you.
Together we are one.
Jun 6, 2020
Jun 6, 2020 at 11:46 AM UTC
Time and time again,
I have paired words,
formulating sentences,
all in the name of love.
As I venture down,
my memory lane,
all that I can see,
is a desperation.
Too many lies told,
written creatively,
with a yearning,
all in the name of love.
Upon reflection,
it is clearly visible,
each word written,
was out of hope.
Yet, I still hope,
that recent words,
will be my last,
all in the name of love.
Forget the past,
my present awaits,
my future bright,
and my heart full.
Nov 17, 2019
Nov 17, 2019 at 11:25 AM UTC