jadeelon
American
"Be happy, helpful and kind" / I like to think with my heart and feel with my mind. / Let's go on a journey together travel through endless tears and timeless hearts and realize there is so much more than us. / There are people who have experienced things so much greater than my heart and your heart combined.
One day I wondered what it would be like to **** myself
Not because I wanted to die
But because I wasn't sure that I was living
But I knew if I died
My mother's world would crumble
And if I died
My sisters would have no one to look up to
And if I died
I wondered
Would anything I had done up until now have any meaning?
If I died
Had I done anything up until now that had any meaning?
And I wondered if I ever truly felt alive
Like people describe alive to be
Wind running through your hair, fast paced, quickened heartbeat, running through the streets barefoot, staying after the street lights come on, the "oh my god isn't that just great" moments
So I tried it
I tried to live fast
I tried to be reckless
Tried to experience the moments that took people's breath away
And all I realized was I felt more alive
At home with my family
Felt more alive
Reading a good book in the sun
Felt more alive doing things people said weren't living
Because life is what you make it
And some days I still wonder what it would be like to **** myself
And know the simplest way would to live a life I don't love
Apr 7, 2017
Apr 7, 2017 at 3:09 AM UTC
I want to fall in love with you.
Not for the happily ever after but for the turmoil
and the pain
for the ability to sit
by your side and say
those three special words
for all that you are
because I enjoy your trials and tribulations
your angst and anger
your sorrow and sublime guilt
your tears on my shoulder and your arms around me
your sobs wracking my body
I want to fall in love with you
because isn't loving
something broken the most
beautiful
kind of love?
I want to love you like someone would a bird
caged but beautiful
wings clipped so you can only fly sort distances from me
I want to love you
for your dependence and
depression
I want to love you because
I want to love myself
But I can't...
Sep 3, 2015
Sep 3, 2015 at 5:52 PM UTC
Lay me down in
your bed.
Surround me.
You reminded me
Once of the person
I wanted to be.
Self centered but
Self respecting
I've given away
So much of myself
To make others
Happy that I've
Forgotten why I'm
Always sad.
I've tired so hard to
Make you happy that
I've forgotten why
You
Never
Will
Be.
Sep 1, 2015
Sep 1, 2015 at 7:32 PM UTC
I wanted to tell you that I loved you but I didn't know the words. You seemed like the type who'd understand without me having to say anything. It's okay for you to be crazy as long as you're crazy for me. I just want someone to love me the same way the snake loves the mouse. [all consuming] I had a nightmare once that I laid myself out for you. As a feast; as an offering. And you said you weren’t hungry. I hope you have a nightmare were I lay myself out for you and you can’t stop eating, and you can’t stop eating, and you can’t stop eating, and you can’t stop eating, and you can’t stop eating, and you can’t stop eating and you can’t stop...
Sep 1, 2015
Sep 1, 2015 at 7:29 PM UTC
**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i'll change
everything
for you
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**
god please just love me
but don't need me
just show me
you think i'm beautiful
everything will change
everything
for you
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 2:30 AM UTC
The slow thumb of the base reminds me of a heart beat/I lie naked on my floor wishing the carpet was your chest/I've been waiting 20 minutes/hours/days/I've been waiting forever for our idealistic future/Somedays I close my eyes and forget you never loved me anyway/It's not hard to be delusional/I wear your sweatshirt pretending to love someone/other than/the girl I was/before I became/the girl/
I/Created/For/You.
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 2:22 AM UTC
I've forgotten how to breathe
I've forgotten how to breathe
I've forgotten how to breathe
I've forgotten how to breathe
You kiss me
'i-still-dont-have-enough-air'
(yet)
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 2:12 AM UTC
Kissed collarbones
Bruised lips
You told me about the gifts you had for me
(I'll keep everyone)
The love letter written on the back of a napkin
We have been in love more ways than there are words to describe:
Passionately
Bitterly
Yearningly
Miserably
Tenderly
Disastrously
Continuously
No matter how many times we pull apart
The elastic bands around our hearts snap us back together
High force collisions always end spectacularly
You've given me countless gifts
And I'll keep them
forever
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 1:54 AM UTC
some days I wonder
how I could fall in love with your
passionate words
but empty eyes
I never realized
that it was painful to see
you smile
I've been asked before
about my addictions
but everyone said it is impossible to
be addicted to your lies
Jul 29, 2014
Jul 29, 2014 at 6:26 PM UTC
For the glitz
For the glamour
For the ritz
For the passion
For the sentimental value
For the compassion
For the money
For the money
For the money
Jul 27, 2014
Jul 27, 2014 at 11:49 AM UTC