You're really lovely underneath it all
Aside from your temper everything is secure
You're no good for me baby, of that I'm sure
There's times where I want something more
Someone more like me
I've seen right through and underneath
And somehow I'm full of forgiveness
I guess it's meant to be
I'm so sorry that I've fallen
Help me up, let's keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most,
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so hard to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up
You and me, we used to be together, everyday together always
I really feel like I'm losing my best friend
Can't believe this could be the end
Don't speak, I know what you're thinking
& I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Our memories, they can be inviting
But some are altogether mighty frightening
It's all ending, gotta stop pretending who we are
You were the first to want me
The first to love
The first to need me
If you only knew what you gave to me
And you were the first I trusted
I learned what love is
When we were just kids
Thank you for those special moments
You will always be here, in my mind
Did you know you changed my life?
I'm thankful for that time
May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 at 9:34 PM UTC
You gave me a ring
It was sapphire in silver
Between soft flesh
Connected to a lifted furry arm,
On a leaned forward body
On a bent knee
On black asphalt
Under dimly lit lights
After hours
With beautiful brown eyes
Lips that moved without noise
Just silent magic that I could not
Hide my teeth from
& I said yes, while I shook
Because I knew for months
That it was you forever
But things change every day
& the only thing that stays the same
Is love
If it's true enough
If you're true enough
That sapphire is just a memory
Replaced by a sapphire in our hearts
At least in mine
The toughest stone for the toughest heart
& the strongest love ever known
Apr 30, 2014
Apr 30, 2014 at 7:22 PM UTC
Okay so I drank a little
in my donald duck shot glass
and woo my McAllan that I bought in *******
September and it's still half full
or half empty, whatever.
**** this is how I talk after a "few" drinks
and I'm light like a freakin' feather, you've got that right.
I love No Doubt -- and I love dancing
so that's what I'm doing
and I can't type very well and my contacts
are blurry
now I see what all the hype is about!!!!
NOT
Apr 26, 2014
Apr 26, 2014 at 10:18 PM UTC
Two bottles of Southern Comfort, Black Keys on iTunes, profile picture with sister, stir-fry, 30 Rock, Gorillaz poster, pancakes at 3 am, spontaneous lunch at Barone, friends with benefits, need a hug, Columbus Day, touch my **** too much tongue, crumpled into wall in the morning, Urban Outfitters for a t-shirt, silver medal, free Dominos, Workaholics at 12, secret sleepover #2, blow job because i thought that's all he wanted from me and i wanted him to stay, hickey on my neck, studying in a room with the round table, drew a horse on the whiteboard, fill out a police report, Redgates from Firehouse, he looks cute today. Tackled into metal, did I break my back? Jump on it, it's not funny, I'm crying, cold beer, kiss on the porch, stop kissing me in 12, **** you, more kissing, blood everywhere, come over, comb through hair. you can stay over again, skips class, uses my shower, makes the bed, come with me to doctor. Vermont secret, Batmobile, on Prius, dune buggies, Phantom Menace, brother-in-law, supermarket in Newfane, stir-fry, statement at 6am. Hurricane, in my basement, halloween at the fire station, knitted scarf headpiece, mother's phone number, red gate sandwiches by Citi Bank across from library. Confirmation party, Chartruese, Coldplay at Mohegan, Torches, enchiladas, screaming, stuffed wolf, comic book finishing touches at 1 am, new roommates, L.O.L., I was going to propose to you - in the hallway, 3 month long orchids, Vermont trip #2, no riding allowed, nap by the fire, bare butts touching over unscented blanket, sapphire ring too big under lamppost in parking lot, happy. Sarasota, hide my eyes with Mosley Tribes, take a walk without me, Game of Thrones, cold sand, hair dryer joke, need eye drops, Ringling Mansion, gator bites, silent walk by traffic, kayak in shallow water, families too different, bike ride to tune of Star Wars, nervous about the summer, panic into shoulder on flight home. Middle finger in the middle of the night, drive around campus, leave me alone, pack up N-64 games, fight before final presentation - only one group gets an A, instant milkshake and magazines to pass the time, make a pizza, here let's make out again - apparently that isn't so bad, almost forgot my friesian mug and vase by the trailer. Texting ***** sick stomach, Lord of the Rings, try smoking, Magic: The Gathering, first communion, wedding, Chip's Family restaurant, high school graduation that I couldn't sit at, Miya's with the mini ***** Fireworks on hill through trees. Retna laptop with blue cover, HGTV's Next Design Star, I have to leave. this is where I stop.
Apr 20, 2014
Apr 20, 2014 at 11:20 PM UTC
Baby blue cushion with the fabric ties, painting rocks with orange and blue on newspaper, got a glob on the wood only rain can wash away. Clean the glass out with q-tips, squeaky clean, tap remains into ceramic bowl made in 3rd grade, medium blizzard with M&Ms; and Reece's peanut butter cups, a burger at that hotdog place featured on Martha Stewart with bacon bits, colored pencils, Barbie coloring books, Jeep keeps stalling in front of my house, don't eat my burger, Ellie and Duncan, full bag of mini peanut butter cups, South Park, Heavy Metal, The King of Limbs - eh, JWoww, Cupcake Wars, the Big Dipper, aqua colored bikini with a magazine full of pictures, videotape my monologues, short hair, sundresses, Nike shorts and tank tops. Mini with a pen in parking lot in Norwalk, feet in the pool water, ants, smelly dog, big house in New Canaan, white Audi A4, drive with the Mosley Tribes from Loehman's for $75 -- a steal, scotch tape on toenails, purple, blue, and green polished stripes, church parking lot on Duck Farm
Apr 19, 2014
Apr 19, 2014 at 4:30 PM UTC
I'm not like you
and it *****
Here I am in the cluster
Where we all look the same &
We all come from the same places
but we aren't.
& I'm alone here,
Making mental pictures of things that aren't
sloppy
fuzzy
or colorful
In that way that makes you all smile
I don't smile, I only see
& it makes me feel alone because
I know
I am
There might be others but they aren't
Me
I am completely different
I've given up looking for someone to be like me
& bring me happiness like the
happiness you all receive
from the things that
I don't do
Here's to acceptance that happiness for me
will never be
conventional or even
real
existent
cheers
[with the solo cup of water]
Apr 18, 2014
Apr 18, 2014 at 9:02 PM UTC
I have been cheated on. He shares me with her. She is a pretty little girl. She has pretty little outfits of purple and pink and green and she always smells clean. He is gentle to her, with his touch and his lips. He smiles when she’s sweet and he laughs when she’s rough. If I hurt him, he lets me go; if she hurts him, he blames himself. She’s very good at breaking the ice when he wants a new friend and in a matter of time he is sharing her with them but he would never share me. He buys her lavish gifts of stained glass and painted ceramics. He spends all his money on her and his pocket is empty for me. I watch my diet while he shares all the sweets in the world with her. (It must be a passionate way to make love.) He tries to hide her from me, but I can smell her perfume in his hair and I can smell her scented gloss on his lips, and I know when his eyes are twinkling from something more than me. When it is the three of us, he always picks her first and he’ll pick her again and again until she’s all worn out. Some people may think she’s no good, she’s a poison, he should break it off, but others congratulate him for scoring such a beauty. That smile she brings to his face and everyone else’s who breathes her in. I have always been second but he is my first. I do not share him with her, though I think I should. If I want to fit in, if I want to be happy, if I want him to love me more. She’ll never break his heart.
Apr 12, 2014
Apr 12, 2014 at 6:58 PM UTC
On a Tuesday afternoon
we are all in one place so
an outing is long over-due.
Let’s go out for drinks, I suggest
and we agree—as long as we can wear whatever.
On a Tuesday night
I pick the girls up, avidly
avoiding the gaze of your window
in a building forced to live above you.
In Geronimo’s on a Tuesday night
I order ‘Red Sun’, she orders ‘Spicy Blood Orange’
& the other orders wine.
Mine is pink—it’s too strong, no more please.
Well you said ‘for drinks’! they complain
as if I’ve betrayed a pact.
She orders another, ‘Appaloosa Sangria’
and she’s so tiny when the waitress looks at my full glass
—Embarrassing.
I hate the sliding bathroom door where I am
alone with my thoughts for 2.7 minutes but
I’m antsy—time to go
In my Audi on a Tuesday night
I want dessert; I want a donut.
Dunkin it is.
In Dunkin Donuts on a Tuesday night
Tiny tells me she wants to cuddle
sometimes. She’s drunk.
I order a chocolate glazed donut to a poor man with Hispanic features
who is working alone
The homeless lady won’t stop talking and we wont stop laughing
in the Dunkin bathroom.
I heard everything, she says as we leave and giggle in terror.
In my Audi on a late Tuesday night
I don’t want to go back to school yet—I have an idea.
Post Road is empty; I’m hyper-aware
of the black Dodge pick-up driving past.
I don’t question if it’s you.
Did you see me?
Of course you saw me, my car is
unavoidable; it’s **** & white.
In The Grape on a late Tuesday night
there is no one I know so I trail
Wine and Tiny trails me.
I know friends of friends, say Hi, hi, hi
You look cute, so do you! Yay! hug Okay bye, bye, bye
Tiny drinks another with Wine and I’m still
sober where I want to be,
making memories without you, ha.
But it’s time to go back to hellhole and these people kinda ****
In my Audi for the last time on a late Tuesday night
Mahan lot full, duh.
Quick Center lot full, duh.
Bellarmine lot full, ****
Regis lot—Where’s your car? It’s got to be here . . .
black Dodge pick-up backed in nicely, I wish I could park beside.
What did you do on a Tuesday night?
Regis lot full, are you kidding?
Tiny has motion sickness, she’s quite a drag
I wonder if my friend nearby, with the golf cart, can drive us back
But **** it, we can walk ten minutes in the cold ‘cuz
I’ve got my jacket and gloves.
In McInnes on a late Tuesday night
Wine goes to bed, Tiny calls for a reinforcement
who is waiting at our door.
Questions with an upward inflection fill my bedroom as if she can’t
take care of herself—her support can barely support himself.
I write a long note to you on my computer on my bed because you ****
I get a Do you mind if Support sleeps over just this once to make sure I’m okay? text
Which means I won’t get sleep due to overweight heavy breathing
Fine, I’m backed into a corner.
& I know that after my third attempt of slumber, I will end up crying
on the couch in the living room. I should have stayed home.
On an early Wednesday morning
I stuff a bag of clothes, my retainer case, and Berner & Holes and
I power-walk to my car in Jogues—7 minutes, probably or less
& drive the 5 minutes home before the tears fall.
There’s a cop parked beside Pine Creek Deli,
I wonder if he wonders why an Audi is up so late.
In [address] on an early Wednesday morning
my dad is in his boxers in the middle of the stairs.
What are you doing? he asks and I snap back because
Isn’t it obvious what someone would be doing at 2:43 am?
My bed is quiet and my mind is loud wondering—
Did you have fun tonight? for the both of us.
Apr 10, 2014
Apr 10, 2014 at 11:17 PM UTC
Creatures need me to breathe
I can be big in one piece
I can be small in many pieces
I make things better
I become addictive
When I melt, I don't disappear
You can't always see me through the eye
Too much of me can be distasteful
But I'm usually your friend
To blanket a mess you made
What am I?
Mar 12, 2014
Mar 12, 2014 at 7:45 PM UTC
There were shells along the break between sand and water
Pink, grey, blue, purple, and white stuck together in the wet sand
I told myself I'd take one before I left
One caught my eye -- purple glass but it was broken
I put it back down and kept walking
Another caught my eye
It reminded me of a blue whale -- dark blue with white on the tip
I held it in my hands, the inside cupped the wet sand
I waited with it in my stretched out arm for the sea to soak up the sand
The water was cold, it was one of the first warm days of late winter
I brought the shell with me up the hill of sand and stared off into the grey sky
The shell in my hand, it had a chip I didn't see before
Maybe it just got there or maybe I refused to notice it
I pressed my thumb onto the thin surface and
Crack
The shell snapped in half
I found it
I took care of it, cleaned it, cradled it
It was broken to begin with and I chose not to notice
Then I wanted to test its fate until it broke in two
And I threw it into the open sand, away from the others
Mar 12, 2014
Mar 12, 2014 at 6:35 PM UTC