When I talk about my depression and anxiety
I pretend it’s not a part of me
There’s a person in my brain
Causing me to go insane
He makes me say mean things to myself
Placing my feelings in a box on the shelf
A box that I’m not allowed to touch
It’s filled with all the things I want so much
It’s filled with self love, faith, and hope
It’s taped up, wrapped up, and tied up with rope
The man inside my brain doesn’t have a name
Yet I’m so familiar with his wicked game
Sometimes he wins and I can’t get out of bed
Sometimes I win and I can rule my own head
Nobody understands and nobody will
I wish he didn’t exist still
Dec 11, 2017
Dec 11, 2017 at 3:43 AM UTC
this isn’t a poem
as much as it is a confession
everything about you makes my soul sing
but when the nights come
I can’t sleep
do I make you happy
I know you deserve better babe
but I’m too selfish to let you go
because I know once you’re gone
I’d leave this place too
without you I can’t hold myself up
and not in a pathetic romantic way
but in a you’re my best friend and I ******* need you
I can’t manage my mind on my own
you’re the only one that has stuck by me
and I get so scared
because sometimes I think
nobody else ever will
Dec 11, 2017
Dec 11, 2017 at 3:23 AM UTC
This name fills me with so many emotions
Rage, sadness, regret
This name belongs to nobody I’ve met
This name belongs to someone so innocent
I don’t want to know you, Evangeline
I feel so ashamed that I hate you
I shouldn’t be so selfish
Yet he was mine and now he’s belongs to her
He doesn’t speak to me
Ithink of him so often
Does he remember?
When we first kissed
Telling me he loves me
Saying he will marry me
I hate the name of Evangeline
Because that name means something
It means that she exists
She, this little baby of his
The baby that will never be mine
Oct 1, 2017
Oct 1, 2017 at 7:43 PM UTC
I still think of you
Our love seems so long ago
I can’t let you go, Jon
Oct 1, 2017
Oct 1, 2017 at 7:28 PM UTC
there he lay sleeping next to me
I still wonder, dream about what could’ve been
can’t go back
am I stuck? will I regret?
so hard to tell when he looks at me that way
I smile in the photos
because it’s the other I’m thinking of
Oct 1, 2017
Oct 1, 2017 at 7:26 PM UTC
You bring light to my life and he brings laughter.
Your strength carried me on my darkest days and he pushed me to move forward.
Two lives woven into one thread, never crossing, never knowing.
I have two hearts now. My mind split in two directions.
You bring light. He brings laughter.
I can choose to live in darkness or I can choose to live in sadness.
Two monsters inside of me having two separate appetites.
Which do I feed?
For now, I silently throw scraps of myself behind the other's back.
My monsters don't know each other. They have never met.
My monsters love me, because I can't love myself.
Nov 8, 2015
Nov 8, 2015 at 9:28 PM UTC
ive always had this trouble with words
yet everyone calls it a gift
"you're so smart" "your words are beautiful"
they haven't been in my mind
these words swirl around, they lose their meaning
my thoughts are on loop
phrases fly by
words come and go
misunderstanding - love - new - schizophrenic - restraint - hope
my words jumble in my head
making me feel angry and stupid because I can't sort them out
I don't know what any of this means
you can't tell me I'm smart
you can't possibly understand this
I don't get it
they think they know me, when I don't even know myself
Jun 15, 2015
Jun 15, 2015 at 3:12 PM UTC
Walk with your head high.
Love with your heart wide open.
Don't let them stop you.
Jun 6, 2015
Jun 6, 2015 at 4:11 PM UTC
Just like glue, I'm stuck on you.
The things I say I promise true.
More and more everyday,
I'm loving us in every way.
I love you now, I loved you then.
I love you when the clouds roll in.
When we're apart, it breaks my heart.
Your soul to me, my favorite part.
Forever yours, forever mine.
I promise, love, that we'll be fine.
Have faith in me, as I do you.
Just like glue, I'm stuck on you.
May 21, 2015
May 21, 2015 at 2:01 AM UTC
Do you ever wonder why we chase the clock? Why must I "Always arrive early!" "Don't keep them waiting?"
I don't follow the hand of the hour.
I rise and fall to my own mind.
Is that such a disaster, mother?
Time does not exist, so why are you chasing the clock? Time does not exist, so why is you're life a rush?
Slow down, Society. We have nowhere to be. Nowhere, but everywhere.
Stop running here and there.
Stop worrying about the time.
Stop living by the hour.
Just be. Just live.
Rise and fall to the sound of the birds. Rise and fall to the feel of your lovers skin. Set appointments by the sun. Live in one another. Let your mind wake you. Wake to the seaside and get there by the way of your feet. Follow your compass not your watch.
I don't chase the clock. I don't follow the hand of the hour.
My life is mine.
May 17, 2015
May 17, 2015 at 6:24 PM UTC