jack-turner - Hello Poetry

Let me begin this with an apology. An apology for the way I have been acting lately. I do not know what I was hoping to achieve, But I know it created nothing of what I want. Let me begin this with an apology. An apology that I know cannot ever encompass Anything near what it ever rightfully should, But for you I will still try none-the-less. I don't ever want to lose you. For over the last two years you have been my best friend. Through the good and the bad, it has been us unto the end, And to hear you say otherwise has turned my world on end. Regardless of the fact that you might be moving on, I can only ever be happy for you, and I told you I would always be here for you, always. And I do my best to keep my promises and my word. I don't ever want to lose you. I know that I may lose bits and pieces as we live and grow, I don't ever want to lose you, Your friendship I value over all others, that I know. You are a part of me, something which you've made clear to me. For better or worse that's the way it's going to be. It's simply a fact from which there is no escaping, And you know what? That's fine with me. You are my sun. High in my sky. When I think of you, it brightens my life. I know I haven't been acting the way these words say. For that, I hope you might accept my sincerest apology. You and I were best of friends, something which we said would stay. I lost sight of that, I strayed from the path. If you're willing to give it a try, it's something I'd like to get back, Because I value your friendship and I'd like it there in the end. Let me end this with an apology. An apology for my immaturity, the worst of me. For all we've been through you deserve more. If you give me the chance, I'll make it up to you with every word. You are my sun. You are part of me. You were my best friend. Hurting you is something I cannot forgive. And if you cannot either, I will understand. I'm sorry. This is my apology.

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Apr 24, 2014

Apr 24, 2014 at 3:02 AM UTC

My Best Friend, My Apology.

Let me begin this with an apology. An apology for the way I have been acting lately. I do not know what I was hoping to achieve, But I know it created nothing of what I want. Let me begin this with an apology. An apology that I know cannot ever encompass Anything near what it ever rightfully should, But for you I will still try none-the-less. I don't ever want to lose you. For over the last two years you have been my best friend. Through the good and the bad, it has been us unto the end, And to hear you say otherwise has turned my world on end. Regardless of the fact that you might be moving on, I can only ever be happy for you, and I told you I would always be here for you, always. And I do my best to keep my promises and my word. I don't ever want to lose you. I know that I may lose bits and pieces as we live and grow, I don't ever want to lose you, Your friendship I value over all others, that I know. You are a part of me, something which you've made clear to me. For better or worse that's the way it's going to be. It's simply a fact from which there is no escaping, And you know what? That's fine with me. You are my sun. High in my sky. When I think of you, it brightens my life. I know I haven't been acting the way these words say. For that, I hope you might accept my sincerest apology. You and I were best of friends, something which we said would stay. I lost sight of that, I strayed from the path. If you're willing to give it a try, it's something I'd like to get back, Because I value your friendship and I'd like it there in the end. Let me end this with an apology. An apology for my immaturity, the worst of me. For all we've been through you deserve more. If you give me the chance, I'll make it up to you with every word. You are my sun. You are part of me. You were my best friend. Hurting you is something I cannot forgive. And if you cannot either, I will understand. I'm sorry. This is my apology.

44

Incisive words dissect me, Open me up for you to see What was really inside. You pried me apart still alive Just to watch me squirm and writhe. I could see it in the cast of your eyes. You were obviously hurt by my actions, and You wanted to see the exact moment when That knife hit home inside, To strike out at the one who has been The source of all your woes. A violent lashing out of a wounded soul, One who is cornered with no way out. You hit home. Yes, you hit your mark. To some extent I did earn that barb. But those exact words? I think you went too far. You say you've held back with me, Well I've played that same game as well. There have been times in our long, drawn-out history Where I had some words to say, Which I then tempered to remove A large portion of the sting. This time around, You let me have it straight out, by and large. You made me want to tell you out, To return the favor, same for same. But no, that will not be the way. I'll keep it to myself and refrain From loosing anymore inflammatory words Into the air between you and I, Because I still do care. My feelings have done anything but abate, Merely changing, evolving to something else. Because of this, I will hold back, as Anything I might say in this second Would be tainted with anger and spite, and You and I need anything but that. I love you. Your words make it hard to believe That they came from someone Who I might care for. I am Immature. I do not dispute hat. I did not know how to handle The situation in which we were placed. I did not know what to do, so I ignored you because I could not afford To give in to these emotions towards you, Especially when I am unexpectedly exposed To you and then left in close proximity. It would be all too easy to fall Back to my original mentality towards you, Held back as it already is with a failing veil. I love you. I am just not in the right place To give you fully everything you deserve. So, in the Immature fashion of who I am, I did the only thing I could To prevent my exposure to my own emotions - I shut it out. I shut you out. It was the worst route. I know that now. It's clear to me. I heard it in the anguish in your strangled voice. I panicked, and I did what I know. I reverted to what's programmed in me. I repressed everything. I ignored you. Because it kept me from feeling those words. I Love You. I am sorry. It will never be enough. You are the world to me. I will never be enough. I will never be able to prove that. I am nothing of what you deserve. I deserved your every word.

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Apr 23, 2014

Apr 23, 2014 at 1:42 AM UTC

In Failing You, I Fail Me.

Incisive words dissect me, Open me up for you to see What was really inside. You pried me apart still alive Just to watch me squirm and writhe. I could see it in the cast of your eyes. You were obviously hurt by my actions, and You wanted to see the exact moment when That knife hit home inside, To strike out at the one who has been The source of all your woes. A violent lashing out of a wounded soul, One who is cornered with no way out. You hit home. Yes, you hit your mark. To some extent I did earn that barb. But those exact words? I think you went too far. You say you've held back with me, Well I've played that same game as well. There have been times in our long, drawn-out history Where I had some words to say, Which I then tempered to remove A large portion of the sting. This time around, You let me have it straight out, by and large. You made me want to tell you out, To return the favor, same for same. But no, that will not be the way. I'll keep it to myself and refrain From loosing anymore inflammatory words Into the air between you and I, Because I still do care. My feelings have done anything but abate, Merely changing, evolving to something else. Because of this, I will hold back, as Anything I might say in this second Would be tainted with anger and spite, and You and I need anything but that. I love you. Your words make it hard to believe That they came from someone Who I might care for. I am Immature. I do not dispute hat. I did not know how to handle The situation in which we were placed. I did not know what to do, so I ignored you because I could not afford To give in to these emotions towards you, Especially when I am unexpectedly exposed To you and then left in close proximity. It would be all too easy to fall Back to my original mentality towards you, Held back as it already is with a failing veil. I love you. I am just not in the right place To give you fully everything you deserve. So, in the Immature fashion of who I am, I did the only thing I could To prevent my exposure to my own emotions - I shut it out. I shut you out. It was the worst route. I know that now. It's clear to me. I heard it in the anguish in your strangled voice. I panicked, and I did what I know. I reverted to what's programmed in me. I repressed everything. I ignored you. Because it kept me from feeling those words. I Love You. I am sorry. It will never be enough. You are the world to me. I will never be enough. I will never be able to prove that. I am nothing of what you deserve. I deserved your every word.

72

I pushed you out, And you let me out in the rain. I took you back And you pushed me out to sea. Months later when I finally feel That I've reached the shore And have solid ground beneath my feet, You knock me down, Prove that is pure fantasy. The invention of the siren song Played to me in my revery. I can see I'm still lost at sea. I can never tell you how I feel. I can never let you know That I meant every word I ever said, And that I'm still controlled by that in my head. You turned away. You let me out. I have nowhere to go And it still hurts inside. It was wonderful to see you, Even if I couldn't look at you. It was a delight to be near you, Even forced to ignore you as I was. I do miss you, more than ever, more than even I know, But it's something I must never tell you. Never. I love you. I hope I never see you again.

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Apr 21, 2014

Apr 21, 2014 at 1:38 AM UTC

I'll Never Tell

I pushed you out, And you let me out in the rain. I took you back And you pushed me out to sea. Months later when I finally feel That I've reached the shore And have solid ground beneath my feet, You knock me down, Prove that is pure fantasy. The invention of the siren song Played to me in my revery. I can see I'm still lost at sea. I can never tell you how I feel. I can never let you know That I meant every word I ever said, And that I'm still controlled by that in my head. You turned away. You let me out. I have nowhere to go And it still hurts inside. It was wonderful to see you, Even if I couldn't look at you. It was a delight to be near you, Even forced to ignore you as I was. I do miss you, more than ever, more than even I know, But it's something I must never tell you. Never. I love you. I hope I never see you again.

28

Life goes on. Lesson learned. Patience is the key. Yet again, it gets the best of me. I had you. I loved you. Then I forced you away. I should have held you close, kept you tight. Instead, I tried to rush you through, And let you out into the night. It happened so fast, this reversal. I'm still unsure what happened. I lost you before I ever had you. Im still reeling. Lesson learned. Life goes on. I loved you. I live knowing What I did to you, And what you still do to me.

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Apr 21, 2014

Apr 21, 2014 at 1:28 AM UTC

Life Lesson

Life goes on. Lesson learned. Patience is the key. Yet again, it gets the best of me. I had you. I loved you. Then I forced you away. I should have held you close, kept you tight. Instead, I tried to rush you through, And let you out into the night. It happened so fast, this reversal. I'm still unsure what happened. I lost you before I ever had you. Im still reeling. Lesson learned. Life goes on. I loved you. I live knowing What I did to you, And what you still do to me.

14

I have nothing left. I never truly got past How I felt, My feelings for you. My eyes so bright, Excited by the light At the sight Of the one, of you. I'm ok, I'm alright. I know I'm not. I hate you in the moment. I still love you. I live a lie. I tell you a lie. I'm done with you. You are out of my life. Yet seeing you again Tells me I'm done. The knife to my diaphragm. I'm not over you. So what do I do? I ignore you as best I can. I don't look at you So you can't read my eyes, So you can read my lies. I have nothing for you. You've moved on in ways I've proved That I am well and truly incapable of. My body aches and my body hurts With the sorrow that I cover To never let you see The wounds I carry deep inside of me. Back on our last day You drove a shard deep in my core, A fragment that I never could remove. I can't let you see That you still control me. I'm lost. My mind is gone. Theres nothing here for me. I am nothing to you. I hate you. So infinitely with everything that is me. And I love you. Uncontrollably, devastatingly. I never want to be happy. There's nothing left to believe. Please, just go away. I want it no more. Please, leave me be. You've paid me back and more, I am ravaged to the core. There's nothing left of me. You've left nothing to me. I burn brightly in the silence Of the fires of my own making.

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Apr 21, 2014

Apr 21, 2014 at 1:22 AM UTC

Fires Of My Own Making

I have nothing left. I never truly got past How I felt, My feelings for you. My eyes so bright, Excited by the light At the sight Of the one, of you. I'm ok, I'm alright. I know I'm not. I hate you in the moment. I still love you. I live a lie. I tell you a lie. I'm done with you. You are out of my life. Yet seeing you again Tells me I'm done. The knife to my diaphragm. I'm not over you. So what do I do? I ignore you as best I can. I don't look at you So you can't read my eyes, So you can read my lies. I have nothing for you. You've moved on in ways I've proved That I am well and truly incapable of. My body aches and my body hurts With the sorrow that I cover To never let you see The wounds I carry deep inside of me. Back on our last day You drove a shard deep in my core, A fragment that I never could remove. I can't let you see That you still control me. I'm lost. My mind is gone. Theres nothing here for me. I am nothing to you. I hate you. So infinitely with everything that is me. And I love you. Uncontrollably, devastatingly. I never want to be happy. There's nothing left to believe. Please, just go away. I want it no more. Please, leave me be. You've paid me back and more, I am ravaged to the core. There's nothing left of me. You've left nothing to me. I burn brightly in the silence Of the fires of my own making.

56

Why do you reappear now? I thought I was done with you? My heart was finally clear and clean. You meant nothing to me. The moment I saw your eyes again, Everything came back. My heart, my thoughts, Everything I ever said, I want you to know, I meant it. My life has not been the same. It will never be the same. You were more special to me Than you ever knew, And more special than you will ever know. You never will. I will **** myself With the effort to bury this deep inside, Never to let these thoughts see the light of day. You're happy with things as they lie. Happy is what I desire for you. I will survive this.

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Apr 21, 2014

Apr 21, 2014 at 1:06 AM UTC

Apparition in Life

Why do you reappear now? I thought I was done with you? My heart was finally clear and clean. You meant nothing to me. The moment I saw your eyes again, Everything came back. My heart, my thoughts, Everything I ever said, I want you to know, I meant it. My life has not been the same. It will never be the same. You were more special to me Than you ever knew, And more special than you will ever know. You never will. I will **** myself With the effort to bury this deep inside, Never to let these thoughts see the light of day. You're happy with things as they lie. Happy is what I desire for you. I will survive this.

21

There you were, out on the dance floor. I had not laid eyes on you in months. You've grown, become something magnificent, A budding young woman. I can see a glow, a personal awareness, That was never there before. You have gained a level of self-confidence. It radiates off you, and you have no clue. You are beautiful, self-assured. And you are happy. It's everything I could have hoped for you. You are happy. He makes you happy. You are content with life. I am happy for you. It's true. You try to initiate a hello, and I say hi. How are you? I'm doing fine. Forcing myself to keep you at arms length. I can't look at you for fear That you might read the lie. But I am happy for you. You deserve nothing less than what you've gained. You don't need me in your life.

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Apr 21, 2014

Apr 21, 2014 at 12:52 AM UTC

As Time's Gone By

There you were, out on the dance floor. I had not laid eyes on you in months. You've grown, become something magnificent, A budding young woman. I can see a glow, a personal awareness, That was never there before. You have gained a level of self-confidence. It radiates off you, and you have no clue. You are beautiful, self-assured. And you are happy. It's everything I could have hoped for you. You are happy. He makes you happy. You are content with life. I am happy for you. It's true. You try to initiate a hello, and I say hi. How are you? I'm doing fine. Forcing myself to keep you at arms length. I can't look at you for fear That you might read the lie. But I am happy for you. You deserve nothing less than what you've gained. You don't need me in your life.

23

Bland statements such as you are amazing Don't ever qualify how much of a blessing I find you to be upon me. Simply being you makes me do everything I can To better myself in an effort that maybe I might one day deserve you and everything you do. All we did was begin to talk again after a break in communication, And I already find myself more engaged in school And giving a more dedicated and focused effort on my papers and homework. It's not even down to trying to build myself into someone who deserves you But the possibility by doing everything within my capabilities To become that someone you deserve in return - That someone who will love you unreserved And protect you from everything in this world.

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Nov 7, 2013

Nov 7, 2013 at 3:39 AM UTC

Thank You Will Never Be Enough

Bland statements such as you are amazing Don't ever qualify how much of a blessing I find you to be upon me. Simply being you makes me do everything I can To better myself in an effort that maybe I might one day deserve you and everything you do. All we did was begin to talk again after a break in communication, And I already find myself more engaged in school And giving a more dedicated and focused effort on my papers and homework. It's not even down to trying to build myself into someone who deserves you But the possibility by doing everything within my capabilities To become that someone you deserve in return - That someone who will love you unreserved And protect you from everything in this world.

14

You Are Fire, and you are the spark to my life, my drive, my desire. I know I broke things off with you with the possibility of rekindling things in the future, Only after I'd gone off on my trip this winter and did some serious soul searching, But now that we've been talking again for a scant few days, I feel everything coming alight and those old embers threaten to catch fire. The old layers of baggage and ash finally were allowed the chance To blow away with the winds of change and the gusts of time, Letting those old wounds and scars heal, the pain to dull and subside. But this renewed communication with you comes dangerously soon, And I fear for you and I about my self control when it comes to how I feel for you. I still have the impending six weeks abroad coming up this winter, And the contrasting schedules and the wild lifestyle that's expected over there Is one of the major reasons I decided that it was for the best to put us to rest, But these renewed urges so soon will be a test to see if I make it Until I leave on my trip without rekindling old passions. The last thing I want to do is compromise on my morals, Leaving you here with promises While I head beyond the horizon to unknown experiences. At this age I don't trust myself that far. We both need time off and away to grow and develop mentally. I just hope that you're still here when I get back so I can let you know, I love you.

0

Nov 7, 2013

Nov 7, 2013 at 3:32 AM UTC

You Are Fire

You Are Fire, and you are the spark to my life, my drive, my desire. I know I broke things off with you with the possibility of rekindling things in the future, Only after I'd gone off on my trip this winter and did some serious soul searching, But now that we've been talking again for a scant few days, I feel everything coming alight and those old embers threaten to catch fire. The old layers of baggage and ash finally were allowed the chance To blow away with the winds of change and the gusts of time, Letting those old wounds and scars heal, the pain to dull and subside. But this renewed communication with you comes dangerously soon, And I fear for you and I about my self control when it comes to how I feel for you. I still have the impending six weeks abroad coming up this winter, And the contrasting schedules and the wild lifestyle that's expected over there Is one of the major reasons I decided that it was for the best to put us to rest, But these renewed urges so soon will be a test to see if I make it Until I leave on my trip without rekindling old passions. The last thing I want to do is compromise on my morals, Leaving you here with promises While I head beyond the horizon to unknown experiences. At this age I don't trust myself that far. We both need time off and away to grow and develop mentally. I just hope that you're still here when I get back so I can let you know, I love you.

22

All you ever did was take, take, take, And I can't take it anymore. Whether during our time when we were only friends Or when we were dating, All it ever was, ever, was taking from me: My time, my energy, my hobbies, friends and family, even my poetry. Slowly, little bit by little increment, You took everything from me, And now, so soon after I rediscover my passion for dance, Make it into the last bastion of my resistance, You go and steal that away too. You were too young and we were both too immature, I should have known. I gave you everything I had in faith, Hoping to help you make life right, But instead, those greedy, little emotional fingers you never knew you had Went and took everything in sight, Leaving me lost with nothing which to call mine.

0

Nov 3, 2013

Nov 3, 2013 at 1:32 AM UTC

Too Young To Know

All you ever did was take, take, take, And I can't take it anymore. Whether during our time when we were only friends Or when we were dating, All it ever was, ever, was taking from me: My time, my energy, my hobbies, friends and family, even my poetry. Slowly, little bit by little increment, You took everything from me, And now, so soon after I rediscover my passion for dance, Make it into the last bastion of my resistance, You go and steal that away too. You were too young and we were both too immature, I should have known. I gave you everything I had in faith, Hoping to help you make life right, But instead, those greedy, little emotional fingers you never knew you had Went and took everything in sight, Leaving me lost with nothing which to call mine.

18