The day
after we met
I never thought I’d
be relieved that you were gone
but
Breaking up with you was like
taking off my socks
at the end of
the day.
Sep 9, 2019
Sep 9, 2019 at 1:14 PM UTC
Breaking news:
A woman in Brunei (a small monarchy on the island of Borneo, infamous for its misogynistic and barbaric punishments) was ****** last evening
She smoked two blunts and fell asleep on her couch
Aug 13, 2019
Aug 13, 2019 at 2:46 PM UTC
I want a jaw like Harrison Ford
I want cool quotes that someone else wrote that I get to say get attributed to me
I want big paychecks and cool dude friends and high stakes low reward days
I want the freedom to be respected anywhere I go
Just for being Harrison Ford
Jul 8, 2019
Jul 8, 2019 at 7:11 PM UTC
No one knows what anyone thinks
That should frustrate us
All the sick gross rude things I think while I look right at you
Nobody is a pessimist
If you could read my thoughts and I yours and everyone’s everyone’s
We’d all be fighting or crying or having *** all over the world
But we keep our chins up and think the best of everyone always, forever
Jul 8, 2019
Jul 8, 2019 at 6:40 PM UTC
Jesus performed miracles out of sheer boredom
He turned water to wine and became a furious alcoholic
His dad tried to intervene
Prometheus carefully thought of strange and calming memories
His hair and beard quickly became a hindrance to his comfort and to the spectacular view in front of him
He began to resent the stench of his endlessly exposed armpits
He was never quite secure with his ****** being on display
He was a grower, not a shower
Jul 8, 2019
Jul 8, 2019 at 1:26 PM UTC