Feeling something
Lonely like a concrete wall
Cold in my bed under the covers
I want to forget
I bet they feel the same
You confuse me with your spiral eyes
I cut myself for money offer you
A portion and all my love
Yet I’m something faltered
Wrong for the right reasons
Wrong for the wrong reasons
Alone and waiting for no one
Unconventional methods
We tell each other how we’d **** ourselves
You’re hitting me through a straw
I’d prefer a bite of something sweet
Everything reminds me of him
All the hims really
Every new him is like the last but with a separate journal entry
Now I’m on a grainy camera trying to make a living or something
My dad calls me a failure to my face
My mother is violent in her silence
I’ll never be anyone else they see in me
I’m a moth drawn to the flame of promise
A flame I burn my skin with
Writing words for you
Not for myself
Because there is nothing here
I spend my days curled up with my own fingers
In the palm of my own hand
Mar 28, 2023
Mar 28, 2023 at 5:15 AM UTC
Ex-cocaine addict and traumatized people pleaser
Keep me high and keep me bound
No one knows who i am in secret
And yet my scars are displayed for all to see
Lines off my face years off my life
I don’t care anymore just take me
He’s mine and im his and i could say im happy
In life and death we’ll be intertwined
If soulmates are real i’d swear i can feel our string
I need you fully and completely
Love beyond time and reason
Beyond physical planes
Kiss me like a dream
Like the first time i hated myself
Feel me like Luci
Who’s gone forever
Will we last
You say we will
I don't care anymore just take me
End it at the afterparty
Feb 26, 2023
Feb 26, 2023 at 12:23 PM UTC
3am
3 breaths
Too late
I kept doubting
Moving only in my mind
My body, my sad corpse
Knows only (ab)u(se)
Is it too late
To break free (me)
Come clean
Hurt me
With a bullet
To the chest
Darling
Shining
Cellphone flashlight
Morphine shadow
Opioid dreams
****** sheets
I can’t be what you
Or i
need
Feb 26, 2023
Feb 26, 2023 at 12:01 PM UTC
My stomach hurts
****
Thinking about driving
Into the blurry red of br(e)ak(e) lights.
Im doing exactly
What you tell me not to
Why why why
I’m worse than nothing
Now there’s dark clouds on my robin’s egg sky
Bruises in my snowy mountains
Decay in my wooden heart
Maybe it was like that from the start
I don’t know
So leave me
Leave me baby
I’m a sickening excuse of a human being
Feb 26, 2023
Feb 26, 2023 at 12:00 PM UTC
my love is citrus fruit
and an angel’s wings
cherry lips and blossoms spring
my love is pomegranate rubies
and clouds soft and fluffy
pure desire and mellow honey
my lover is a dark night sky
and a warm pink morning
a rainy afternoon and a snowy storming
a ****** petal’s dew
a bird’s sweet courting
a chorus that we sing
a view worth adoring
my love is a whisper
and soft feeling in the fingers
warm cinnamon and a mocha taste that lingers
Jan 29, 2023
Jan 29, 2023 at 9:46 AM UTC
a rotten hole
in heart that has died
suddenly fills with butterflies
leaves that quiver
flowers that bloom
from the ruins
of the tomb
from the carcass
grows green vines
who’s bitter grapes
make sweet wine
everything’s gone wrong
nothing is right
and yet we kiss
and hold tight
to frail hands
and battered bones
until the end
until everything goes
Jan 29, 2023
Jan 29, 2023 at 9:46 AM UTC
My innocence was lost in the span of 30 minutes at most
I fell asleep in your bed and suddenly you melted me like sweet sundaes
Hot and stinging like a macchiato
You made a simple request and I’m a good boy so I’ll make you proud
Choking on sour candy was too much, my ***** made it bitter
Today is the best day ever, clouds high, blinds low, I smile and bare it
My gray utility pants around my thighs
My keys: a bell ringing lightly
My face in the sheets, everything red pansies and cinnamon bears
[It] was cotton and metal and salt in my mouth
Glitter glue filled my veins and I lay still, catching my butterflies
Flooding my lungs
Pull me back and simply rest for a while
You’re a ****** kisser
After, I bled in the toilet, my head in my hands
No tears- I just looked at myself in the mirror, my hair ****** my eyes wide and diluted
Realizing
Jan 29, 2023
Jan 29, 2023 at 9:29 AM UTC
LA and part japanese 4 foot 11 boy-girl
hushed pet names and laughs and [that].
quiet about your mother and step mother
and you spend - days - in your room shut
alone with no food water company etc just
your fist and your laptop hot on your bare
thighs the fan whirring louder than your
hands and the skin and whatever else you
do and im sorry i get red and i push and i
pound and im sorry it seems like you want
it. just tell me how to love you because i
dont know how and its hurting everything
Apr 13, 2022
Apr 13, 2022 at 6:59 PM UTC
well yeah man, it's like-
you take a drag, inhale.
your eyes sink and i watch your lips
part slightly and let out a trail of smoke
but your words get lost in my mouth
because i sit up and kiss you
it's sort of slow and feverish
and i climb in your lap and chase it
automatically like a moth to a flame
twisting i almost smile, i lick your teeth
-like this ? i not quite growl
you forgot everything but this moment
but you nod anyway
and i see some indescribable want or need
some days i can't tell the difference
i guess i like you like me
i watch you sit and smoke
every breath you seem a little farther
when you're done you grab me
pull me away into your room
i lie on the bed and taste incense
you look back as music plays
then join me silently and pull me on top
i rest over you like a misshapen blanket
and you get too hot
you look so far gone deep out in space
floating somewhere under me
your eyes glazed and our thighs
it must feel so great to be treated like this
someone to keep you safe
and do anything you say
and selfishly i tried making you mine
but your and my bruises healed
sometimes i wish they had stayed
Feb 24, 2022
Feb 24, 2022 at 1:07 PM UTC
this isn't a callout since he's a minor
but we wanted to warn you of his past actions
we do not believe he will change anytime soon
Trigger/Content warnings:
emotional manipulation, suicide, self harm, r slur, n slur, d slur, r//dsk//n slur, c//ntb//y slur, death threats, grooming, violence, racefaking, blackface, disrespecting boundaries/triggers, misgendering, deadnaming, abuse, sexualization of minors and abusive relationships, cheating, antiblack racism, racism against indigenous people, racism against Asian people, Japanese imperialism, alcohol, underage drinking, transmisogyny, transphobia, intersexism, antisemitism, ******
proceed with caution
happy went to a psych ward when he was 12
he has always struggled with [himself]
i knew he was hurting but not until he lashed out
every year he spent christmas away from home with a basket of clothes
i know he he he he i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i
how much could change in just one year
Jan 25, 2022
Jan 25, 2022 at 9:37 PM UTC