Dear AK.S,
I wanted to write you poetry, but my words fail when it comes to you, but my heart revives when i think of you,and i still don’t know why you call me the queen of cheesiness,surprising name.
I wanted to coat our times with synonyms and rhymes and metaphors,but when comes to us, simplicity is the beauty.
Simplicity might not be beautiful to you, but i hold it like like a fragile flower plucked from its *** and put in a vase,with water, mere water, what is water in front of dreams.
And you have known my dreams circling around new york and road trips from the beginning and i have known your dreams, around chasing boys and the boys who circle around you like man-eating lions, since the beginning, yes, i disapprove of every boy you have ever liked, but YOU held me tight when i drowned in the hopelessness of these dreams, and i hugged you, and ranted about how they were foolish frogs, little ***** as we blocked them on Facebook and they floated away like clouds, their lanes got cut-off from our highways.
We have danced with flaming fire ,and danced ,jumping across barbed wire and we have danced with cunning liars, and times have made us dance to beats that deafen out hearts,
And we have screamed and shouted, in the club like maniacs chasing after beats,and out of club like we have just lost limbs , like Britney spears and will.i.am not at all like them.
And dare i forget, the coffee trips and song tags, nine inch nails,to t swizzle, macchhiato to java mocha chip we have covered them all, we have dreamt of texan to cali beaches and we have dreamt of those new york skyscrapers and apartments all white filled with Bukowski and Lang Leav, we have lived on the edge and lived with the mainstream,
We have lost it all, like distorted bouquet, and we have forgotten all the love and given out aré hearts to people to rip the pictures of each other inside of us, and we have fought and fought brutal civil wars, and world wars with nuclear bombs to have to all back, to have it all back,
WHY?
WHY?
Because no one can compare to you, to the words you say, even if sometimes they are like requests of candy crush game, no one could make me as happy as you do even if our bad days are like a B-grade horror movies, and i am pretty sure are, you have no one that talks as much *** as do, so you only keep me around to hear my wild fantasies, but our good days are better than 90’s rom-coms.
We hurt the ones we love, inevitable, and regretful, but we burn and scatter the ashes of those moment for those we know we wouldn’t be better off with, and i have burnt countless chocolate molten lava cakes to come up with the perfect gooey one for you.
In all honesty darlin ,this final attempt did come out perfect, it needs a little finesse on the edges but we can sort that out, we have won, we have won wars that they haven’t seen ,and when they look us like we are made of stars, they could not even reach, i know, I know travelling 10 light years and all these meteors shooting through me , the gruesome struggle to reach the stars has been worth it.
I wanted to write you sonnets that will do down in posterity and sing you pitch perfect love songs in front of millions, and graffiti your face in thousands of brick walls throughout the landmasses,
but all i have is this love which grows like wildfire,
which I hope is enough for this lifetime.
SO PLEASE STAY,EVEN IF WE MOVE TO DIFFERENT CITIES NEXT YEAR.
I PROMISE TO **** ALL THE WASPS AND SPIDERS THAT FIND THEIR WAY IN FOR YOU.
Love, V.J
Aug 22, 2014
Aug 22, 2014 at 6:04 AM UTC
Funny how life seems everything but not worth any more pain,
the snow is reducing to hail outside my Parisian window but it will take me years to thaw your heart
I put the frozen peas in the microwave and hope what would it be like to have all fragments of your should lay defrosted on my bone china plate
But all that happens is that I keep on romanticizing pain and contemplating that if my ruptured ligament can heal up in 3 weeks,
Then why can’t our hidden love embolden up into a bone?
Funny how all my dreams seem to have left their axis and moved farther away into some other galaxy and nothing seems right anymore,
And you who seemed like the only date I waited for in the calendar,
Has turned into the Mayan code of Mayan calendar that I can’t decipher at all.
Jan 30, 2014
Jan 30, 2014 at 7:10 AM UTC
It happens, like drifting, like falling, and her words calming and refreshing like the gust of strong breeze in the month of June,
Take me way, from the polluted world, this world so selfish, so eager to take your love like industrialists acquiring as much of land as they can,
But never wearing heart their on their sleeve, or like cutting farmlands and building casinos on them rearing greed,
No, no you’re not beautiful, look in the mirror; can u see the innocence and honesty?
That you lost to thousand lies written on texts, spoken on phones, lies gradually building and swirling like tornadoes breathed into eyes, eyes that once loved you and glowed when you spoke
I have lost the innocence, in the hurry to grow up, speaking of things and words that appear mature to me, but knowing that the meaning of these words is lost to me, for my heart yearns to hope again,
Hopes to learn to trust again, to believe that love is all that we need. But all of these are lies.
The growing up is painful and so is living in this world which accurately teaches you math’s and physics, but only leaves you to calculate the demonic deeds you do,
And how your are only surrounded by ghosts of what used to be honest mass of skin and bones.
And, and if your are truly lucky and may have showered love on your close ones, showers like that of July bursting and lighting up the earth with buds of belief of survival and loved the way tree roots are loyal to the soil with your past lovers
Then, it happens like lightening in deserts, all your fears drown but a new kind of fear also crashes against your body,
It happens like that, you can’t breathe without them but then again they are the only ones that can steal your breath from your lungs by kissing someone else,
But they mend your broken wing of lost trust, and show you again what it feels like to swing back and forth on the rainbow colored swings in the afternoon rain, with your hair flying everywhere and your heart finally feeling free of this burdening world,
And they show you how, love is all you need. And that isn’t a lie
Jan 18, 2014
Jan 18, 2014 at 12:50 PM UTC
You, you out there somewhere the universe, we met so beautifully on new year’s eve ,me and my friends were dancing ,you were standing lonely in the corner like a little boy just waiting for invitation, your taller than most guys and your smile lit my night on fireworks, I didn’t hope for anything, nothing at all, and with 20 seconds of insane courage, dragged my friend to the spot where you were standing, and over the loud music, and condescending adults and holding a basket of hope close to my heart asked, with my best smile in my red sweater, “wanna come and dance” a moment of boldness for a girl who has always been shy and reserved, you smiled that thousand watt bulb smile and came with us, danced next to me, hesitating, not knowing much steps, a little shy, I liked you.
The DJ was **** and kept playing songs that I didn’t like,and my friends kept pushing me towards you, you seemed like sun that night and I kept orbiting around you, we taught you a few steps and I smiled at you and kept assuring you that you were doing fine, we quit dancing for a while and went our separate ways, after the countdown , I went up to you wished you a happy new year, I wasn’t hoping for anything, but you held you your hand out and your eyes shined brighter than pole star, and my heart stood a little taller.
I drink gallons of chicken soup bowl after bowl, trying to hold off tears, and wishing I had a typewriter, as the noise of typewriter keys sound so angry like the beats of my heart.
After a little while, a little while after dinner my friend pushed me out of comfort zone, blackmailed, forced me to go talk to you, and I thought what the heck, what do I have to lose, David is miles away, not knowing how much I miss him.
So I went up, ”hey, um I didn’t catch your name earlier “and there it went ,a start to the most amazing 2 hours, and we got talking and talking, and I held my heart on my sleeve, broke my shell, stepping into this danger zone of actually liking you, you told me about the university you go to, and your love for Christmas and how sports is your life, I told you how much I hated the people of my school and how December Is my favorite month and how my hand eye coordination is as bad as your dancing.
We laughed and laughed, and you offered me your Chocó-chip ice-cream, which you so dearly love, and I refused, told you ‘I’ll go get myself some later” we beamed talking about our addiction to chocolate, you asked for my phone number and since we lived so nearby ,I suggested that we should hang out sometime and you excitedly said definitely and let’s eat dimsums, and I don’t think I remember being this happy in a long time, my friends hogged around me and kept asking what happened, I looked at you ,little embarrassed , and you laughed understanding, then shrugging it off, later when it got a little awkward as all the adults were staring as us, I left and went up to my friends who were in a middle of photo session.
I couldn’t say bye to you, I never got to know when you left.
Jan 4, 2014
Jan 4, 2014 at 8:33 AM UTC
You are like a cigarette burning in my lungs with a speed of paper turning to raven ash when lighted up,
You flick you lighter, within your fingers, within your lips lies the taste of my blood
This road that we took, this love turned out be threaded together in such a way, that we could never unravel it
You puff out my love like the swirls of smoke disappearing in the thin air; I choke on the hardened state of your words like tar
This road isn’t being paved, it’s being dug unevenly from every breathing space, and the smoke is filling up in my lungs the way your ashtray is with cig butts
Overflowing, like the course of this relationship
Breathe in my lungs something other than acidic bruises, won’t you neutralize it?
Won’t you even stop and look back to all the things that we had, that we lost in the fire,
Look at my burned body and tell me you regret it, look at my cancer filled mouth infected by your diseased words and tell me you never meant to light my lungs on fire
Tell me, fuck tell me, you never meant to steal my voice, and abandon my love, choking me from inside,
My body giving up, lungs collapsing in the harsh winter night underneath the starless sky, the moon lost beyond the clouds, no savior
You are like Lucifer, I never understood the transition, and I could never breathe in the courage inside of my lungs opposing your vacant soul
You are like a cigarette but even at our end you’ll cant burn me out, I’ll be an more than this, I’ll be IV, trying to survive even when my body is more ash than blood
Nov 28, 2013
Nov 28, 2013 at 5:04 AM UTC
I don’t think I fear anything more than being rejected; I have been rejected more times than the counting a 5 year old knows
Little kid isn’t afraid to jump in puddles, splashes of mud cake his jeans hems and droplets of mud line on his chin to cheeks to his hairline and
He does his little dance out in the street if he hears his favorite song play, he sings lullabies in broken voice, messing up all the words, but smiling nonetheless
He is fearless, careless and blind to the world’s cruelty. what happens to us? Does society change us to such an extent that I rather not post anything than post 2 lines on which I am going to judged mercilessly?
I hate it, when you don’t reply to my texts, I hate that I am left hanging up in the air, hands outward, toes clinging on to metal bars so I don’t fall off
Tell me what is wrong with me? I am not afraid to hear it. Just tell me why can’t you like me?
What is so wrong about me? Days like these I want nothing more to go back to being a 5 year old; I had nothing to worry about,
just pouring flowers into white sheets ,colors that ran out of petals and trees that looked more like a nest of green lines
And dancing, round and round, like a ballerina, laughing, giddy, looking upward in the sky, smile so wide that if lifted my mom’s health problems and money problems that plagued my daddy
I don’t think I want anything more to be just wanted and needed; nobody ever makes me feel that way,
I always feel like I am an extra, on the movie set, I just really want to be ****** of someone
For just once, I want to be free, away from the clutches of ravens, I want his fear of rejection to just vanish, and so I can do crazy things, and figure out who I am and who I am supposed to be
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 6:28 AM UTC
We are over, aren’t we? 6 years, countless memories, calling in crisis and to talk about nothing at all,
You have been there during everything, the first guy I ever liked, the first guy who ever liked me,
First period, first failure in the maths test, crush on that French teacher, breakup of my favorite band,
First trip with best friend[with you], first alcoholic drink, you were the one who read and criticized all my poems after I started writing again
I have had so many first with you, but so many horrible nights too, when I have wanted nothing more but to jump off the skyscraper and be free
i have gotten so involved,in you,mixed and shaken in your blood that i have lost my own components
It hurts to write this, I don’t want to delve in the worst things, that are a little more than the good ones,
So I’ll finish this here and remember you with only the good things.
Nov 5, 2013
Nov 5, 2013 at 2:04 AM UTC
I hold the negative feeling closer; I hold them like a bag filled with candy on the night of Halloween in a little boy’s arms,
I haven’t learnt that they give you cavities yet, my brain wrapped up in folds and folds of sheets made up of envy
Envy is like an old tree roots, springing from everywhere trying to get to the surface, the surface prone to erosion, is ****** into the black hole of envy
I can’t deny that I don’t like you talking to her, no I don’t, and I don’t even who I am anymore
This is not the person that I used to be, you have changed me so much, I worsen and worsen like a sapling left without sunlight
They say I run, away from feelings, oh I have tried to run away from you for so long but I fail like the ant trying to climb the 18th floor building,
And all this time I have kept my inhaler closer to my lips than ever
You hold me close like bag full of lyrics that are going to numb your burning slashes, that’s what I am, the medicine,
But I am never the lover or the girl who speaks of things that make you laugh, like the way the poppies laugh in the soft breeze or sunflowers in the meadows
I have said goodbye more times, than the no of times, the oranges have bled their citrus in my eyes while peeling and onions have made my cry while slicing
I need to slice all my feelings, dissect them, write the formulas and theories on the white sheets and paste them on my wall,
For everytime I am on the “running back to you” stage of separation
I will hold the negative feelings as far as possible; his dentist just gave him a root canal and filled up 8 cavities,
I think he has had enough of candies without brushing twice for a while and I think I have had enough of you for a lifetime.
Nov 3, 2013
Nov 3, 2013 at 7:08 AM UTC
He was afraid that if she closed her eyes they would never open again
She was always tired these days, her smile stunted, the crinkling in her eyes when she laughed, foreshadowed by the tears,
Like rain droplets underneath which they danced at 3 pm in the Missouri crossings,
And after the luminous laughs shared and warmth shared between their lips came her sickness, closer than ever, threatening to force them apart
Fever always forced her way inside her head, and cough rented her lungs paying the rent in the form of monthly hospital trips
He always held her hand, kissing the back of her palm, clutching it harder than an addicts grip on white powder,
They diagnosed her with tuberculosis, her lungs, breathed out melodies of Coldplay and Laura marling for him when the night felt too long,
Now they breathed in his pain, his fear of losing her to darkness.
Her sunken pale face, wishing on anything and everything that proves to be lucky, an eyelash, sight of a black car when driving underneath train on a bridge,
Crossing fingers to survive through this nightmare that has sketched its outline,
And filled its grey shades in their lives.
He cocoons his body around her in the white bed, her fragile body, connected with an I-V, they could have been a beautiful butterfly, but destiny stunted their growth
She just wants to close her eyes to wish, for the last time, to be able to see his face every day for the rest of the eternity,
But he is afraid that if she closes her eyes, she might never open them again.
Oct 31, 2013
Oct 31, 2013 at 2:14 PM UTC
Days and days pass, buds bloom into flowers, they grow into a love, pluck them like stars, but they fade out,
Their night is longer than stars and in our case; we can’t ever seem to find the reflection of the sun rays on our face
The bouquet of crimson roses wilt in the absence of truth, I lay on my bed, sorting out the messes where my hands lay guilty,
Counting out my faults and slashing out the expectations I branched out from spring and summer
Millions of seconds spent throwing words around like cars smashing into trucks,
We were both careless drivers of this galaxy that we called ours,
Forgive me dear lover, I never had the water in me to pour to the seedlings,
Our kisses bled into accidents, and you were never a fire-fighter
Days and days passed we gave into pain just for the sake of what our past is made of,
Distance bit us, poisoned our veins with plague and our hearts wilted like the roses you used to give me every day,
But I never pressed our love the way I pressed the roses in the art books.
The sun grew away; we were left deserted in the tunnel without calendars and time passed us by,
Motionless we grew; winter came in and never left, but here we are waiting for the trains,
For the final parting that was due a long time ago.
Oct 27, 2013
Oct 27, 2013 at 11:34 AM UTC