We tried
We tried so hard
But together we are toxic
We are like a red apple and a green one
We live in each others worlds
We know each other perfectly
But our difference is so big that being toxic is the only cure
I guess that flaw lies in ourselves
Intertwining it with our good
Feeding off of the negative
And projecting the bad
Our flaw must be something we can’t go without
Trust
Its trust
Our flaw is we trust each other more than ourselves
We rely on each other for happiness
hoping for a better outcome each time we come round
It's not the first and for sure not the last
Our so called love is too strong for that
“We promise to work on ourselves”
That's something…
We promised to each other
We promised to ourselves
We promised to those around us
We promised…
Yet the motivation I cant seem to find
Its you all along
You are my motivation..
I promise myself I will keep this promise
I am now working on myself
I am not toxic
I am healing
I trust myself
I can keep promises
Sep 26, 2022
Sep 26, 2022 at 9:52 AM UTC
Lazy…
His one “bad” habit
He doesn’t do school work out of school
yet he has straight A’s
He hates getting out of bed in the morning
yet always makes it on time
But when it comes down to her he tries
He tries to shows her love
Even when she doesn’t want it
He respects her wishes
Even if it hurts his own feelings
He prays that she comes around
So his heart won't hurt
But she's just as lazy
And doesn’t care about him
And his burning heart
Mar 24, 2022
Mar 24, 2022 at 9:39 AM UTC
Humble….
The one thing to humble him is a…. certain person
Million of girls chasing after him
but this one he choose to be stuck on
She pulls on his heartstrings by ignoring his messages
And dodges him in the halls
Chooses friends over him any day
For everything they may desire
He cherishes the little love he gets
But it's clearly not enough
He write a paragraph as she write a sentence
He buys a gift, she gives a thank you
He waves her down, she turns her back
It’s so one sided yet he won't leave
His eyes swell and his voice cracks
As lies slip from her lips over and over again
He tries to compose himself for me yet I always notice the change
Its small but there, underlining with every word he says
The puffy eyes and breaking voice
The shaking of the camera
Being put on pause for what he thinks is an answer
He asks for this and that to make him feel better
But what he wants is… advice
Advice on what to do, advice on how to make it better
Advice on how to make them stay
But what he doesn’t want to hear is the truth
It’s that he must stray away
Feb 25, 2022
Feb 25, 2022 at 9:32 PM UTC
that girl is..
SHES LOUD
she never knows how to shut up
SHES UGLY
she is trying to hard to hid it but still
SHES IN MATURE
shes acts like we are 6th grade
SHES ANNOYING
she doesn't know how to stop
....
Hi, im kenz and im that girl
Dec 29, 2021
Dec 29, 2021 at 7:10 PM UTC
"your words cut deeper than a knife"
they truly do...
lies slip out of your mouth easier than telling the truth
months of telling you my personal business
all for it to backfire on me
I let my walls down
I guess that is my fault
Dec 29, 2021
Dec 29, 2021 at 7:05 PM UTC
"useless"
"annoying"
"b!tch"
"ugly"
Constant thoughts running through my head.
The lost of one friendship spiraled
and now its tons.
one after another
name calling and bullying have become common
when its me its ok
lies after lies have unrevealed themselves
months upon months of fake friendships
down the drain.
Dec 29, 2021
Dec 29, 2021 at 7:00 PM UTC
I stand big and mighty.
Indeed I do,
know I'm just a small little mouse,
in this house for two.
Missing you everyday,
without our kids that are gone to play.
Lonely I am,
and I know you are too.
well see you soon love
I so love you
Nov 9, 2021
Nov 9, 2021 at 12:04 PM UTC
Hello
It's me again
crying and sobbing,
panicking over assignments.
academic validation is what I seek.
crying and sobbing,
panicking over dance
being perfect comes with a price
crying and sobbing
panicking over fitting in
being "normal" is better than not being normal
its better than whatever is hiding within.
cry and sobbing
panicking, just panicking
life of a teen,
well at least me,
Now its time for me to say goodbye
Nov 5, 2021
Nov 5, 2021 at 12:25 PM UTC
Im OK.
Its raining.
Im OK
Its cold
Im OK
People ranting to me
Im OK
Even when im not OK
I pretend to be...
Oct 24, 2021
Oct 24, 2021 at 11:12 PM UTC
Zero.
One.
Two.
Three.
Fast asleep on my porch
in the middle of the day, dreaming my worries away.
Like how my doll broke and I’m still mourning the loss.
In my sandbox that doesn't have sand,
replaced with my most beloved stuffed animals,
I lay there not knowing what’s happening outside my world.
My mom shakes me awake with worry covering her face.
She screams at my father, how could he forget me here?
Four.
More fights.
Five.
Dad’s never home.
Never has time for me.
Doesn't talk to mom much.
Red flags, brighter than a firetruck, I didn't see at this young age.
Six.
Dad’s moved out.
I have a new sister.
But at least I get a new puppy,
and whatever food and toys I want.
Plus more presents.
Seven.
Another sister.
This one has a different mom.
The fake mom is mean.
She thinks she's my mom but she's not.
“YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!”
I scream and cry until my dad comes back from the store,
wondering what happened while he was away.
He takes my side of course.
I’ve always been daddy's girl and always will be.
Eight.
Things are changing a lot.
I don’t like it.
Nine.
Dad got a house with her,
2 new dogs with her.
Of course my puppy gets neglected.
Favorites are picked and now I'm last.
This fake mom’s gone at work all day
while I look after my real sister and my fake one.
I grab my phone that I use only for emergencies,
and call my mom, my real mom.
“Dad’s sleeping…Fake mom’s at work…My sister’s are crying.”
I stubble over my words, not able to get them out due to panic.
“I'm coming. I promise.”
The fake mom hears it and grabs my phone.
“You can't call your mom while she’s at work. And where did you get this?”
‘Hurry mom.’ ‘My real mom.’
I run away, grab my bag,
make sure my real sister is good, and grab her hand.
It's only real if she has the same mom I thought.
My mom gets here thank god.
Ten.
Fights with fake mom,
fights with mom,
fights with me.
I hate dad's house.
I was first, now I’m last.
I feel out of place.
Eleven.
Twelve.
July 6th, 2019.
Less than a month after my birthday,
he left.
Left to live with this woman states away.
A woman that probably doesn't care about him.
Thirteen.
I don't talk to my dad,
I guess it works out that way.
Fourteen.
I wanna help, really I do.
(TW)
P!lls, dr!nk!ng, p@rty!ng.
No job, no phone, no contact.
I just sit and listen to my mom trash talk him.
I know he’s awful, but he’s still my dad.
I try to tune her out, keywords hit my eardrums.
“Lazy.” “Selfish.” Worthless.”
‘But he's still my dad.’
Now.
I wonder what happened to daddy's little girl.
The one that would make him dress up,
or color while sitting on the balcony.
I wonder how it would have been if he stayed.
I have lots of questions to ask but I can’t.
Fear covers my body every time I try to text or call.
No happy birthday this year because I was too scared to answer.
Christmas coming up and scared to ask for a simple thing:
To be daddy's little girl again.
Oct 7, 2021
Oct 7, 2021 at 10:52 PM UTC