There is always
One final shove
From those old Angels
We've forgotten how to love.
Their cold fingers
No longer reach the depths
Where they used to linger.
One final blue night
We listen to the trains.
Finally committing to a goodbye
Because the stars
That drift through your eyes
Can no longer flutter the heart
Or evoke butterflies.
Those same gentle eyes
Will let you go
One last time.
Watching headlights
Melt the highway.
I turned away from you
And there is no second try.
Nobody will refer to us as two
After this goodbye.
Aug 29, 2021
Aug 29, 2021 at 9:41 PM UTC
Worship,
You will worship
At the cemetery cross of a mother
Who couldn't spare you a tear
Even if you were her own.
Worship,
Worship,
You will hang yourself
From the cross
& Not even God
Or Bohumil himself
Could spare a tear
For one as small as you.
Worship,
Worship,
The razor blades you've sewn
Inside your sleeves
Will be forgotten
Till the next bitter winter
Will make your blood drip
And fall
Worship
You must worship
Till the bleeding stops
Till your heart beats slowly
Worship
Till they tell you
You aren't as pure as you should be
Worship
And admit that maybe
You're inclined to tragedy
Jun 27, 2021
Jun 27, 2021 at 3:53 PM UTC
Tonight will fill
With the bitterness
Your tragedies spill.
& you hate this.
This endless, lonely night.
Empty minds
With their empty,
Lonely lives.
Some days you will fill
With some old vice.
Though
It will never be enough
To ****
& the night will always define the daylight.
& empty always defines your heart.
I don't think this will change.
I think you're just built this way.
Tonight will fill
With the darkness
You've started calling home.
Cigarettes will go by the name
"Friend"
& you'll spend your night wondering
Whether any of this
Will ever end.
Feb 1, 2021
Feb 1, 2021 at 11:49 PM UTC
The stars look crueler
As they watch you die
Beneath their light.
There are too many of them in the sky
With too much hate filling their eyes
They've seen hundreds of you before
They will see
Hundreds more
You think you deserve to be here
You've been praying quietly
These past few years.
You think you can hear them
Whispering about you
Above you
They knew you'd never make it
You know you don't belong
You know this mountain will be
Just as cold
Just as lonely
In two hundred years
As it is tonight
Finding warmth in a broken body
Found dead
By light
There are too many stars in the sky
With too much hate filling their eyes
They've seen hundreds of you before
They will see
Hundreds more
Did your family know you went terminal
When you booked that flight?
The way they held you as you said goodbye
You think they just might
You wish you could call home
With your last dying breath
And tell them you'll be gone
Someone finally chose your death
But that call will come
From an unknown number
From a voice too rough
Calling on a night
With too many stars
Filling up your sky
And from then on
Your sister wears a smile
That says she just wants to die
Dec 21, 2020
Dec 21, 2020 at 7:13 PM UTC
Trains pass by
Hiding bombs
Waiting to kiss the sky
Of the blue hours
I've been drowning in.
Another pill passing lips
From broken fingertips.
I wonder why my hands died
Before the rest of me could.
Empty monsters
Fill up attics
With my dead friends.
They walk past
Poems
Laughter and
Love
Just as empty by the end
As they were at the start.
So far
Nobody good
Has mentioned
My dead hands.
The drunken ghosts
Whispering to walls
Still blame me
For your death.
And my beauty is blurred
By my dead hands.
And my chest is bruised
By your young death.
And my glass philosophy
Has begun to shatter
Under the light
Of the blue hours
I've been drowning in.
Sep 13, 2020
Sep 13, 2020 at 6:52 PM UTC
I've stopped chasing trains
Everywhere I go.
I've stopped downing darkness
to deal with my own.
I've started drowning death
In everything good.
My car has forgotten
what it's like going over 75.
It doesn't wonder what every drop from every bridge will feel like.
I don't wonder how far I can go
before money runs out and gas gets low.
How far I can run before anyone will know.
I've stopped chasing trains
Everywhere I go.
I've stopped downing darkness
to deal with my own.
I've started drowning death
In everything good.
I've started drowning death
In you.
Sep 12, 2020
Sep 12, 2020 at 4:49 PM UTC
Ticking time bomb friends
Will lay themselves dead
Before you can understand
What's going through their head.
Death filled minds
With death dripping hands
Might include you
In their end of life plans.
You'll see the knife wounds
Cross hatching chests
You'll see the pills
That one day will put them to rest.
Death filled minds
With death dripping hands
Might include you
In their end of life plans.
They'll show you razors,
Knives and blood.
You'll never ask why
They'll never mention it again.
You'll excuse the rope you find
Filling up corners
You'll ignore sturdy beams
With chairs underneath them.
You won't think twice
When they ask for one bullet.
Maybe you'll be the one to put it
In ticking time bomb hands.
Death ridden minds
With death dripping hands
Might include you
In their end of life plans.
It's not your fault.
How could you have known?
You've made an art out of ignoring.
You assume the blood and gore meant
nothing.
It was just a bad night.
It's not your fault.
How could you have known?
It's not like you've lost
Every other one you've known.
It's okay.
It's really not your fault.
You can never stop
Death ridden minds
With death dripping hands.
You can never help
Your ticking time bomb
Friends.
Aug 30, 2020
Aug 30, 2020 at 1:51 PM UTC
Give me mount everest death.
Give me cold glory.
Snow kissing faces,
One man among many.
Nearing the start
Of their final few breaths.
Miles and miles of whiteout
Remind you of the lights
Your mother left out
Too late into spring.
This comfort you will spend
Your final moments seeking.
Give me mount everest death.
Give me cold glory.
You knew there'd come a day
When you wouldn't meet the morning.
Maybe you didn't make it to the top.
Maybe you didn't kiss God's face.
Maybe your mother will never know
Your final resting place.
Give me mount everest death.
Give me cold glory.
Tell me the end
Of your entire life story.
Ice cold breath
Nearly dead in the snow.
Ten years ago
She would have made you come in
At the very first sign
Of blue tinted lips.
Now you're watching snow fall.
White on black fingertips.
Give me mount everest death.
Give me cold glory.
Somewhere out there
Your Mother's still mourning.
Wishing she could call you in.
Ruining your fun
One last time.
To see your blue lips
And make you hot chocolate
To warm your cold fingertips.
Aug 8, 2020
Aug 8, 2020 at 10:42 PM UTC
An old church at the end of the road
Sunflowers spill over the altar
For children grown old.
Alone in the pews
I watch light suffused
Through stained glass windows.
When I was young
And it was my turn
They gave us roses
Told us they still have thorns
Because life would hurt us
When we found it.
Most of us did.
Including me.
Most of us left those four walls.
Most of us moved far away.
Most of us never returned.
Except for me.
The dusty hymnals smell like youth.
The empty sanctuary looks like home.
And I can still see myself by the piano
The sound of my violin
Was bigger than the world.
When it's all over
I step outside and feel the cold.
I was so young.
And now I'm afraid.
I'm getting so old.
I don't know anyone
Filing out the door.
Nobody knows me.
I walk to the B&B.
I ask for a room.
I used to play there so often
They always let me stay for free.
The clerk says it's switched hands
A dozen times or more.
They say the chandelier
Hasn't heard a song in years.
I unpack my suitcase upstairs
And can't help but shed a few tears
For a town
That truly
Forgot
Me.
Jun 12, 2020
Jun 12, 2020 at 5:52 PM UTC
Death is a friend who caught my eye
Ten years and three months ago
Up in the attic
Hiding all alone.
When the monsters come and find me
They'll take me back home.
& Death is a friend
Kept closer than any.
He doesn't get angry
His eyes never leak
As he watches me paint lies
Over blue bruising cheeks.
Death is a friend
I'm falling in love with
As months crawl by
I'm gaining the courage
For that first final kiss.
I almost was brave
Ten months & three weeks ago
Driving alone down an old country road
Death in my passengers seat
My skin growing cold.
& Death is a friend
I'm more than halfway in love with
He was all I could see in your face
As you painted in bruises & blood
To put me in my place.
& I cried to the old brick road
I told all of my secrets
I told of all my pain.
Death is a friend
I fell madly in love with
Ten days and three hours ago
Hiding in that alley alone
Begging for death to take the rest of me.
Or some profound piece of me.
But Death is a friend
As cruel as he is kind
In moments of need
He is nearly impossible to find.
Ten hours & three minutes ago
I chose to make death mine.
After ten glasses of wine
These three bottles of pills have finally fogged my mind.
Here I lie
In the attic alone.
I've only got one cigarette left to go
Till the monsters will never find me again.
Jun 4, 2020
Jun 4, 2020 at 5:08 PM UTC