Can't sleep.
Bathroom.
Fill it up.
Bubble it up.
Get in.
Intrusive thought.
*
You'd be surprised.
Used to the purpose of cleaning
And pleasured times.
And I fantasize about suicide.
The sense of quietness and structure,
What most of us ambitions in life.
...
*
May 4, 2024
May 4, 2024 at 9:21 PM UTC
I feel like I'm floating in life.
I'm unemployed with a small child at home. I don't have the patience that I'd like to have with her. I want to play with her freely and with no worries about tomorrow. I want to make her feel loved unconditionally and protect her from everything.
I need to find a job that I like and that won't make me feel guilty from not being around her.
I'm living with the love of my life and I don't want to be always lashing out on him from being human. I don't want to pass him stress because I'm not in my best place, because I need more security, more confidence, more joy.
I don't remember what I like anymore and I just pass my time with whatever entertains my brain, and for a while I'm numb, I feel ok.
But I'm not okay.
I wonder if everything that is happening is because I'm not being my best and I'm attracting it.
At this moment I feel lost in my thoughts and I cannot run anymore from what I'm feeling.
Being quarantined is messing with my capability of a normal process.
I need to breathe and think of the next step to get up and live.
Jun 25, 2020
Jun 25, 2020 at 9:58 PM UTC
Don't know how many more times I've to say I'm not okay,
You give me silence... Silence...
And touches, and I don't want touches,
I want ******* words!
You don't stop asking what's wrong
I speak my heart, and then comes silence... Silence...
And the touches... Like, go **** yourself!
I am ******* tired, and in need of meaningful conversations.
I'm fading baby, I'm fading...
...
Feb 12, 2020
Feb 12, 2020 at 4:54 AM UTC
Funny how you multiply in so many directions,
But then you look in the mirror and you forgot to love yourself.
& you'll cry.
Please, forgive me,
I forgot you existed all over again!
Wobbly, dim and loud
It's the road to self-love.
Feb 8, 2020
Feb 8, 2020 at 7:53 PM UTC
Attention, everyone attention!
When I stopped talking,
I thought I heard you think
But only silence followed.
You're drowning me,
But I'm gonna take you with me!
Jan 18, 2020
Jan 18, 2020 at 1:45 AM UTC
Open your mouth,
Stick out your teeth
And practice the act of smiling.
Oh, ****
Did you meant it?
Or was it just another fake it until you make it?
Dec 19, 2019
Dec 19, 2019 at 10:01 PM UTC
Hypocrite, look at me!
Opening my mouth to say "I'm fine"
But, oh, I'm burning inside.
Hypocrite, look at you!
Asking me how I am doing
But, oh, you really don't ******* care.
Dec 19, 2019
Dec 19, 2019 at 9:42 PM UTC
Emptiness crippling the walls,
Steps dragging the shallow bodies.
It's been too long since it was spoken,
& words feel as broken as scarce touches.
Call my name,
I've been lost in my thoughts.
Apr 3, 2019
Apr 3, 2019 at 2:25 PM UTC
Empty as a broken drawer,
The breathing slowing
Drowning in hollow thoughts.
You are alive but not living.
You are aware of nothingness.
& you are grooved in the habit.
I am empty,
broken,
slowing breathing,
& drowning in thoughts.
You are cemented...
There... that...
I am alone!
Dec 30, 2018
Dec 30, 2018 at 7:01 AM UTC
I'm fine. Yes, I swear
not overthinking it.
It's all in my head,
the lack of attention to the little details.
Sure, it's me that asks for too much,
not the lack of presence when around.
Dec 25, 2018
Dec 25, 2018 at 1:07 PM UTC