i yearn for
the heartbreak
that comes from losing a soul-mate
i would much rather
my heart ache than
pretend on another date
and so if, for a life-time
my soul
must wait
where my spirit did break
for a love
to ruminate
then,
i yearn for my soul-mate
to restore
what's at stake
Feb 9
Feb 9, 2026 at 1:36 PM UTC
something about the summer air
at 2 a.m.
just after it has rained
i can hear the earth drying
and the flowers going to sleep
or are they waking up?
it is a special kind of quiet
except for the crickets
and cicadas
and the laughter of friends
and couples
(like you and me)
walking home from the bar
the stars and the streetlights are irrelevant
because of the moon
that is painted in one million places -
held by drops of dew
resting on the cars in the lots
i feel the moons
tenderly leave their resting place
to join the fabric on the back of my shirt
i think your hands probably hold
some of them, too
and in this moment
i am thankful to share
my summer air
with you
Jul 3, 2025
Jul 3, 2025 at 9:48 AM UTC
9 years ago
your son was 9, you were forty-two
your wife was nearing forty
I was eighteen
daughter 1, fourteen; daughter 2, thirteen
and daughter 3 was only 6
we've experienced anniversaries,
birthdays, funerals
(my dad, my grandpa, my papa)
breakups, and new boyfriends
(just with your daughters, really)
graduations, retirements,
family arguments
chaos and heartbreak induced by alcoholism,
(and now years of sobriety)
first home purchases
(your daughters and myself)
(your son is living with me this summer)
and a pandemic...
much has happened since June 17th, two thousand and sixteen
but the biggest thing yet
will be this Saturday
June 7th, twenty twenty-five
daughter 1 is twenty-two, now
and in three days she gets married
your son is eighteen, now
and he will walk her down the aisle
(he told me he cries whenever he thinks about it)
your wife is nearly forty-nine
she will be there with her boyfriend
(they moved in together, in the house they built)
(they're both sober)
(she referred to him as her husband the other day)
daughter 3 is fifteen
(she told me she doesn't really remember you)
I am twenty-seven, now
and I will read a passage from the Bible at your daughter's wedding -
(just like I did at your funeral)
Jun 4, 2025
Jun 4, 2025 at 10:09 AM UTC
An adage that's stood the test of time...
today, it made me pause and sigh -
does that make me ugly
if I've no one to be held by?
Jun 3, 2025
Jun 3, 2025 at 6:20 PM UTC
as a girl i was ignorant
of what men's eyes say of their intent -
the things said in silence
when two strangers hold a stare
but, as i've aged I've realized
the things that men say with their eyes
some men will never betray their heart,
some men only play the part,
and some men don't even know
why some women pull their heart strings so
with the first, they'll only show
what's truly in his heart and soul;
they'll never lead you with a lie -
these are the eyes i'm taken by
with the next, they'll never show
what breaks his heart or mends his soul;
they'll pamper you with gifts and laughter -
those were the eyes i once chased after
with the latter, they won't take chances -
his desires are whispered through stolen glances;
if pressed, he couldn't tell you what the plan is -
the eyes that showed me what romance is
May 21, 2025
May 21, 2025 at 1:00 AM UTC
terror turns my legs to stone
I can't move, and I'm afraid to think
because if I think, I'll see
and if I see, I'll know
and the terror will grow
- what does this mean?
my legs sink through the floor
while tears melt into a face
which has bled all its color
and the face belongs to me
as the terror grows
my eyes do, too
to get a better view of my life
which is flashing before them
every memory
in a matter of seconds
and I'm left smiling
despite the slowly growing realization
of what lies in front of me
- what does this mean?
and my smile disappears as quickly as it came,
because I realize why my forgotten moments are
whipping through my mind
at a breakneck speed
and that is because my subconscious has registered
before I can think it:
I am face to face with death
the terror turns two-fold:
I'm afraid of what I'm looking at
and fearful of what caused it
am I in danger, too?
for a moment I mouth soundless words
looking for what to say
- what does this mean?
and once again my subconscious overrules me
I feel it in my toes
it bubbles up
through my stomach,
and I am startled by the horrific, primal sound
that escapes my throat
my heart and mind are at odds with each other
to protect myself in the present,
while trying to salvage what remains of my future
trying to piece together what this means
have you ever experienced
a soul-level rupture?
May 20, 2025
May 20, 2025 at 12:12 PM UTC
in a sense my innocence
has brought about some strange events
your unabashed sinfulness
my cute, careful religiousness
a surprising synthesis
in a sense, was my innocence
a recompense for your bitterness?
i sought your soul with reverence
from your tenderness, my mind undressed
a haunt old as some sacred texts
of a pure and honest impetus
our pride found a submissiveness
my naivete,
your diligence
thanks to our collective dissonance
a love made to be infamous
May 8, 2025
May 8, 2025 at 4:43 PM UTC
the colors were still bright
and i could hear the sun
and draw my deepest thoughts with chalk
i didn't want for anyone
hop-scotch on the driveway
chasing runaway ***** down the hill
hide-and-seek 'til we got called in for lunch
then right back outside to chase a thrill
the most i feared
in my younger years
was being kissed by bumble bees
mixing potions with the berries
we picked from climbing trees
if we missed a knot and skipped a step
a cartooned bandaid would pay our debt
or a push-pop from the freeze
we were reckless with our hearts
and our minds got off with ease
the worst of it
that we might get
was strawberries on our knees
May 6, 2025
May 6, 2025 at 5:26 PM UTC
i've watched you die one thousand times
in one hundred different ways
still, i can't decide which is worse
what my mind creates at night,
or, what we found that day
this reoccurring theme of mine,
all that i've catastrophized,
comes out at night to play
sometimes, my mind
makes me watch you die -
a masochistic gift for me
sometimes, it's that i know you'll die
and i can't warn of what i see
once i dreamt you faked your death
to prove our lack of care
you didn't even tell your best friend, Steve
he was just as confused and unaware
"i knew it! you guys don't love me"
you screamed, as i stood there
my mind still fights the guilt i have
but it rears its ugly head
i woke up on my 25th birthday
crying, from the torments of my bed
the dreams that make me pause the most
are where you live
but you're not you
you're angry, and hurt, and you're like a child
and you won't calm down to speak to me
and i don't know what to do
but i know why i have that dream
it's my soul's decline of guilt
because if that's what we saved you for
our lives couldn't have been rebuilt
my mind wanders to that night
staring down the stairs
it's my mind and it pleads with me:
it's better we weren't there
Apr 8, 2025
Apr 8, 2025 at 10:19 PM UTC
if you love me
- despite - the things that make me ugly
you don't really love me...
but you're doing me a favor
and i'll never be able to thank you enough
\
if you love me
because, you say, that - i'm not ugly -
you don't really love me...
you're just pretending that i'm not ugly
and you'll never be able to see me enough.
or maybe one day you will,
and that will be too much
\
for you to really love me
you need to know the ways in which i'm ugly
and love me for those reasons too...
or at the very least, understand them
Mar 19, 2025
Mar 19, 2025 at 11:25 PM UTC