incxndiary - Hello Poetry

my love feels infinite. my love extends beyond the barriers of sound, moves faster than the speed of light— my love is strong. my love is often a burden, a weight on my shoulders dragging me to the crevices of this earth. flesh burning, oxygen depriving love. my love is infinite. often feeling like glass penetrating my skin— air losing its way from my lungs. flesh burning, oxygen depriving love.

0

Apr 2, 2022

Apr 2, 2022 at 1:45 AM UTC

my love

my love feels infinite. my love extends beyond the barriers of sound, moves faster than the speed of light— my love is strong. my love is often a burden, a weight on my shoulders dragging me to the crevices of this earth. flesh burning, oxygen depriving love. my love is infinite. often feeling like glass penetrating my skin— air losing its way from my lungs. flesh burning, oxygen depriving love.

10

8 billion people in the world— and here i am drowning in an infinity pool of self-pity. i tell myself one day i will stop. swim back towards the edge, gasping for breath, a new life to transform into. and here i am drowning in an infinity pool of self pity.

0

Apr 28, 2021

Apr 28, 2021 at 10:07 PM UTC

infinity pool of endless dreams

8 billion people in the world— and here i am drowning in an infinity pool of self-pity. i tell myself one day i will stop. swim back towards the edge, gasping for breath, a new life to transform into. and here i am drowning in an infinity pool of self pity.

5

sometimes, all you can do is feel small. breath held, for the slightest exhale could be of the wrong tone— just silence. silence. silence speaks louder than words, so, silence. but even that— sometimes too sweet on the tongue, too many tablespoons of sugar. silence too sweet like sugar cane stinging the back of your throat. silence. just silence.

0

Mar 23, 2021

Mar 23, 2021 at 9:49 PM UTC

silence

sometimes, all you can do is feel small. breath held, for the slightest exhale could be of the wrong tone— just silence. silence. silence speaks louder than words, so, silence. but even that— sometimes too sweet on the tongue, too many tablespoons of sugar. silence too sweet like sugar cane stinging the back of your throat. silence. just silence.

9

i never got to love him— i never got to love the man who would cause a botanical garden to grow in my stomach. vines to grow throughout my lungs until flowers sprouted from my lips. the thorns grew thick and wrapped around my vocal cords. that’s why when you left i couldn’t speak, i couldn’t say anything to make you stay. therefore, i picked all the flowers, softly from my lips, as a final farewell— a few daisies to remember me by.

0

Dec 7, 2020

Dec 7, 2020 at 9:51 PM UTC

once, there was a garden

i never got to love him— i never got to love the man who would cause a botanical garden to grow in my stomach. vines to grow throughout my lungs until flowers sprouted from my lips. the thorns grew thick and wrapped around my vocal cords. that’s why when you left i couldn’t speak, i couldn’t say anything to make you stay. therefore, i picked all the flowers, softly from my lips, as a final farewell— a few daisies to remember me by.

9

It helps me feel better about myself by putting my emotions into terms that everyone will understand, for example: My life is like a joke with no punchline. Maybe more like I’m telling the joke, and I forgot the punchline, so now we’re both sitting here awkwardly trying not to feel too bad for me. It probably wasn’t even that funny anyway. My life is like a poorly written sitcom that only lasted for a season because no one could emotionally connect with the main character. Almost like there was no budget— And it’s just me, sitting in front of a camera screaming. My life is like going to get a steak and cheese, hold the mushrooms, and not only are there mushrooms, but they’re cooked into the meat so you can’t even take them out. Alright, maybe my life isn’t that bad. I don’t know how to say that I can’t get up in the morning. That I am Jesus, my demons are his disciples, and this bed my cross— I am nailed to it. Instead I tell you that everyday feels like a Monday, even the weekends. I’m not great at anything, but if I was to pick my biggest accomplishment, it would be that no one knows when I’m joking anymore. I just hope that when it’s my time to go, i’ll be forgiven for making it so hard to know me.

0

Jun 8, 2019

Jun 8, 2019 at 5:58 PM UTC

i fight with my demons often and i’ve picked up a losing streak

It helps me feel better about myself by putting my emotions into terms that everyone will understand, for example: My life is like a joke with no punchline. Maybe more like I’m telling the joke, and I forgot the punchline, so now we’re both sitting here awkwardly trying not to feel too bad for me. It probably wasn’t even that funny anyway. My life is like a poorly written sitcom that only lasted for a season because no one could emotionally connect with the main character. Almost like there was no budget— And it’s just me, sitting in front of a camera screaming. My life is like going to get a steak and cheese, hold the mushrooms, and not only are there mushrooms, but they’re cooked into the meat so you can’t even take them out. Alright, maybe my life isn’t that bad. I don’t know how to say that I can’t get up in the morning. That I am Jesus, my demons are his disciples, and this bed my cross— I am nailed to it. Instead I tell you that everyday feels like a Monday, even the weekends. I’m not great at anything, but if I was to pick my biggest accomplishment, it would be that no one knows when I’m joking anymore. I just hope that when it’s my time to go, i’ll be forgiven for making it so hard to know me.

16

sometimes i feel like a piece of paper on fire. burning. small smoke signal calling for help, disintegrating. until i’m a burnt, crisp, pile of nothing.

0

Dec 22, 2018

Dec 22, 2018 at 1:30 AM UTC

incendiary

sometimes i feel like a piece of paper on fire. burning. small smoke signal calling for help, disintegrating. until i’m a burnt, crisp, pile of nothing.

7

i look up at the night sky, i see armageddon in the clouds. and all i can wonder- is the world is ending or is it just me.

0

Oct 3, 2018

Oct 3, 2018 at 9:14 PM UTC

armageddon

i look up at the night sky, i see armageddon in the clouds. and all i can wonder- is the world is ending or is it just me.

5

hello? can you hear that? me begging for you to stop- to get out of my head. hello? can you taste that? i have no idea why my tears taste this way... i guess you were right, i really should drink more water. hello? can you feel that? as i continue to slice myself open in attempts to hurt you, my idea of containing the wild beast but, you must be a ********* hello? hello? is now when you leave? do you not want me anymore? you’re just like the others. can’t you hear me? do you not want to? have i become too much for you to handle? are you now scared of this chaos that you’ve created? do you fear that you’ve lost control of me? is it because i almost took 15 pills this morning instead of 1? i told you i was sorry. hello? you tore nebulas out of my mouth and left a blackhole as my smile, stardust is clogging up my throat now. i can’t breathe. hello? hel-hello? i guess this was the plan all along.

0

Jun 13, 2018

Jun 13, 2018 at 9:04 PM UTC

a one sided conversation with my depression:

hello? can you hear that? me begging for you to stop- to get out of my head. hello? can you taste that? i have no idea why my tears taste this way... i guess you were right, i really should drink more water. hello? can you feel that? as i continue to slice myself open in attempts to hurt you, my idea of containing the wild beast but, you must be a ********* hello? hello? is now when you leave? do you not want me anymore? you’re just like the others. can’t you hear me? do you not want to? have i become too much for you to handle? are you now scared of this chaos that you’ve created? do you fear that you’ve lost control of me? is it because i almost took 15 pills this morning instead of 1? i told you i was sorry. hello? you tore nebulas out of my mouth and left a blackhole as my smile, stardust is clogging up my throat now. i can’t breathe. hello? hel-hello? i guess this was the plan all along.

31

there’s something so trustworthy about the night i trust her with all my secrets she holds them for me in the gas filled particles beaming back at me she loves me so much on occasion she’ll hide them from me my own secrets when she knows they’re becoming too much to bear i don’t know if i trust anyone more than i trust her she’s the only consistency i have i wonder if it’s because she knows

0

May 17, 2018

May 17, 2018 at 9:30 PM UTC

it’s 9:27 pm and none of the streetlights are working

there’s something so trustworthy about the night i trust her with all my secrets she holds them for me in the gas filled particles beaming back at me she loves me so much on occasion she’ll hide them from me my own secrets when she knows they’re becoming too much to bear i don’t know if i trust anyone more than i trust her she’s the only consistency i have i wonder if it’s because she knows

9

i only see vague remnants of who i was i don’t have another poem within me. i haven’t sat down to write since the last time it felt like my old memories and bad decisions were catching up to me. i don’t know what it’s like to feel like me anymore. it’s as if it’s the fourth of july and i’m swimming with my friends drowning but no one is helping me

0

Dec 13, 2017

Dec 13, 2017 at 12:26 AM UTC

i don't know who i am

i only see vague remnants of who i was i don’t have another poem within me. i haven’t sat down to write since the last time it felt like my old memories and bad decisions were catching up to me. i don’t know what it’s like to feel like me anymore. it’s as if it’s the fourth of july and i’m swimming with my friends drowning but no one is helping me

12