with shovel in hand,
I go to the back of the barn.
earth broken, I begin digging.
My heel driving into the shovel,
and tossing the remnants over my head.
As the anger subsides to a calmer demeanor,
I take a second to breathe.
sitting next to a tree fronting the purple and blue sky with scattered stars
he stares at me, not with sadness or pity,
but of curiosity.
What are you doing?
i ignore the cat and keep digging..
teeth tight against each other,
i dig until my arms are weak and
i can't see straight-- until my body trembles
Why? why do you continue to do this?
there is nothing down there for you.
looking down at my shovel, i pause and with a heavy breath;
There's nothing here for me anymore,
i gave this life a chance,
i found love-- i had dreams and i had life
i can't bare the disappointment anymore.
i'm done here
nothing satisfies me here
nothing
with hopeful intentions;
There's so much more to life than what you see before your eyes my friend
with a scowl, i look up
My time here is done, there's nothing more that i can do, i've given them everything i have
and i've gained nothing but misery, and hopelessness--
there's no sun to my moon,
my path ceases as dawn rises
i won't be a victim to life's cruel taunts anymore
a tear runs down the cat's soft face as he pities the stranger,
i begin digging again
with a brave intent, the cat speaks out of pure compassion;
I'm sorry you feel that way
if you let me hel---
with a swift movement, the digging ceases and
the shovel is thrown at the cat with lethal intent
terrified and frantic, the cat flees for his life.
after a far enough distance where the cat feels a brief sense of security,
the cat glances over his shoulder one last time with concern and worry,
only to see a black silhouette staring at the ground with a glistening speck falling from his face growing smaller as he continues to run.
the cat went back the next morning--
no one was there, just the shovel where it had landed the night before,
and a hole dug so deep, no light could find the end.
Apr 21, 2013
Apr 21, 2013 at 10:13 PM UTC
Putting make-up on while you drive,
you wanna look pretty for your accident?
Apr 7, 2012
Apr 7, 2012 at 10:43 AM UTC
I'm not used to disappointment, I just expect it.
Jan 29, 2012
Jan 29, 2012 at 11:34 PM UTC
I’m trying to find the right words for you.
Since my voice is silenced when you raise yours,
Let me clarify the unworded thoughts in my head,
I crave you at all hours of the day,
You are my time and my love.
I found a life with you and without you,
It’s like a heart without a beat
When I wait for you, I grow older,
A little more stressed,
A little more bitter because
I’m holding my hand out for you,
Waiting for you to take it.
Itching for you to take it,
Hurting with every moment that passes,
Yet you tease me.
Yet here I am,
Arm getting heavier,
Shaking with fatigue and anticipation,
please
Just take it.
Jan 14, 2012
Jan 14, 2012 at 3:24 PM UTC
I’m just tired,
Look away—turn your head.
Don’t worry about me,
Or your empty promises,
Those words you never keep,
The ones that I cling to,
The ones that follow me wherever I go.
All the waiting I do,
The lonely nights I withstand.
The silent, yet lethal torture you put me through.
You say I look angry? (Do I look angry?)
Don’t worry,
I’m just tired.
Dec 18, 2011
Dec 18, 2011 at 11:02 PM UTC
When you always expect disappointment, is that a flaw in your nature or everyone else's?
Nov 20, 2011
Nov 20, 2011 at 10:57 PM UTC
You're all I ever wanted, but nothing I ever asked for.
Nov 18, 2011
Nov 18, 2011 at 1:19 PM UTC
You just silenced the joker in me,
The brightside to any occasion,
The light to the dark just had a shadow pass over it.
You numbed my very being.
The world isn't what I thought it was,
This life isn't the life I know;
It just betrayed me,
Took the trust out from under me,
Now I look at it and wonder.
Life is not the same,
Now I see it all in a different light,
A criminal rather than a friend;
A two-faced, deceitful liar.
Now I look at life and question its beauty,
Its love,
And its purpose.
*I want to protect you,
Hold you,
Shield you from all the monsters out there.
I wasn't there for you that night,
But I will be watching,
And life's sweet treats won't fool me anymore*
Oct 28, 2011
Oct 28, 2011 at 11:25 PM UTC
Here I go,
Knife in hand,
I’ll do it,
I swear I will.
Don’t watch me,
But see my blood,
The pain you caused.
I’m doing this for you,
You won’t understand the pain inside,
Till you see it right under your nose.
You’ll see,
I’ll make you feel bad,
I will,
Don’t believe me?
Just watch,
Here I go.
Oct 12, 2011
Oct 12, 2011 at 11:32 PM UTC
I told you, I know I did,
I told you that you were all I have.
Without you, I’m a half.
The moon without its stars.
Doesn’t matter who else is there, if you’re not around,
Everything means nothing,
Don’t do this.
You don’t understand yet, because I haven’t let it all go yet,
Haven’t unleashed my words for you yet.
But it’s like a volcano, give it time, I’m going to erupt, everything I’ve
Held inside of me. One day, soon hopefully, I will tell you, I will let you know
What you mean to me, and why it hurts so much to sit here and wait for you.
Waiting isn’t the key issue here. It’s waiting every day. You say I gave up?
Yea, I was pushed passed my limit; I wait everyday, every shift that you work, that I work,
You really are the light at the end of the tunnel, but for some reason you have cones set up and a man holding a sign in front of me telling me to wait; just enough to tease me, yet not let me through. I can taste the end. You torture me day and night. Texting isn’t enough for me. I need to see you, yet you make me wait, every time.
You say I’m mean to you; well maybe you have a taste of what I go through. You always have me at the end of the stick till you’re ready for me, like I’m some convenience, you say I’m mean and I’m repeating your past, well sir, this is the same **** I went through too, and believe me, I’m not going through that again either, my defense is up and I’m not your convenience, I’m not going to wait here, putting my life on hold, just so I can be with you. If I don’t mean that much to you, let me go please, this isn’t worth it, I’m not giving up, I’m just not putting my energy into someone who can’t give me back what I deserve.
I wrote it. He took my soul. My first almost love took away all the magic and joy out of life. Cut me so deep no one can see it, yet I bare it every day and live with the pain every day. A year later I still feel the pain, but I’ve dosed myself with the heaviest pain medication, maybe that’s why I can’t fully appreciate or open myself to you, he took it all, all the chips, and all the wonderful feelings, I think I’m still numb from the medication and I don’t know when it’ll wear off…wait for me.
Oct 12, 2011
Oct 12, 2011 at 11:08 PM UTC