How do you say "I tried to **** myself" to people around you?
How would you say it to your professors
Would it be better to just hint that you need mental help in general
Or to blatantly say you held yourself at knife point when you were home alone.
"Can I drop half of my classes?
Cause they stressed me out to the point where I almost killed myself."
How would you say it to your friends
Would you rather it be somewhat casual
And bring it up when you're talking
Or would it be better to say "I have something to say.
It's kind of personal and serious and you're close to me so I thought maybe you need to know."
How would you say it to your older sister
Would it be better to just blurt it out in one go, out of the blue
Or is it better to build up in the topic before dropping a bomb out like that
"I tried to **** myself when you were away. I hope you dont blame yourself cause I love you."
How would you say it to your father
Would it be better to add some blame to it
Or just say it out front so he'd get the message?
"I tried to **** myself last Sunday cause I dont like the life you chose for me.
My original plan was to graduate and then **** myself, cause at least then I can give you the diploma I never wanted."
And I honestly dont know how to say that I tried to **** myself to myself.
Because I want to do a lot more and to be a lot more
But everything is coming at me fast and I have no one I can hold on to
I tried to be my own anchor but it's just sinking me in the depths of my mind
It's making me feel isolated and completely alone and I dont know what to do.
So tell me how do I say that I tried to **** myself to anyone
If the reason behind it was that I just wanted to breathe.
That I tried to **** myself because I just want to read more books and to sing more songs.
That I tried to **** myself because I want to see the world, and to try more food.
How do i say that i tried to **** myself to anyone if the reason is that i just to live.
Nov 13, 2018
Nov 13, 2018 at 10:13 PM UTC
Icarus was alive, he's breathing and walking
But it's such a lie to say that he's living
He wonders about restlessly and seems to be walking towards nowhere
As he walks with the sun above his head and sleeps when the stars are hung in the air
And one day he passes a tree
A fruit bearing one, that made him shout for glee
But alas, his joy was short lived
As he sees he fruits on top, he started to leave
He stomped and kicked at his feet
As his stomach growls louder than his defeat
"If I had my wings I could've gotten one,
But it seems it's the tree, now, that has won."
But that got him thinking of the first time he had tasted it
Remembered it long ago, at times where all he had was his hands and feet
A time where having wings never even crossed his mind
So who is he now to leave that tree behind?
He turned around and ran with all his might
He ran so fast he could almost taste his long lost flight
But he stopped at the trunk and began to ascend
With his feet balancing his weight and his hand gripping to no end
He reached the top and grinned
He beamed at the fruit in front of his face and his back being hit by the wind
"I never had wings before my great fall
So why did it felt like losing them was losing my all?"
He wondered, as he sits at a branch and began eating
His hunger answered but his thoughts left bothered and unanswered
"I am Icarus who never had wings
So why did losing them felt like losing all." He pondered.
Aug 18, 2018
Aug 18, 2018 at 7:05 AM UTC
the icarus you know
the icarus you knew
the icarus who has fallen
the one who is an icarus anew
has loved a star that is brighter than usual
but a star that shines just like every other star
nothing new
but a star can blind you when it gets too close
when YOU get too close
but icarus didnt mind
because you wouldnt know how blind you are
until the light's suddenly off
The star had fallen
Much like icarus himself
But he has fallen gracefully and at will
Unlike icarus who was ripped of his wings and had fallen ill
But together they stayed
And together they grew
Icarus and his star had started anew
But what icarus didn't know
Or rather, what he decided to ignore
Was that the sun was a star
And a star has to prioritize light over love
It happened once when his sun chose to shine, still
Even though it knew that it would melt off icarus's wings
And it happened again with his star
As his star starts to lose his light
"I have to go home and see to it that my light doesn't go off"
The star said as he prepares himself
"You're leaving me" icarus said
Blinded by his needs and his selfishness
"It's not like that my love. I would never want to lose you but I cannot lose myself for you" the star had said through his tears
He saw icarus was not hearing him
Was not understnding him
So he did what he swore not to do
He broke his own heart and left only with half of a whole
That was the last that icarus heard of his star
Now he wears his heart in his sleeves and his stars heart around his neck
And now the icarus you know
the icarus you knew
the icarus who has fallen
the one who is an icarus anew
has loved a star that is brighter than usual
And loves him still, but on a brighter point of view
Aug 14, 2018
Aug 14, 2018 at 12:34 AM UTC
my father has never been my dad
he was too busy making a living for us
that it almost felt like he wasnt living with us
hed work all day long and hed rest up all night
he gave us money and he gives us glances
he even taught me how to cook so i can dependent less
i never knew he loved me
and i thought that was somehow my fault
i was alwas a closed book, an abrupt pause, a halt
but earlier he said something that caught me off gaurd
something so mundane yet sounded so new
he asked me if charles dickens an author i knew
from where im from, i have to scavenge for books of old
id be lucky as hell if i found a book of classics, like austen
and i really have bad luck in finding them often
but here is my father, who i never knew was my dad
holding the tale of two cities like it wasnt a piece of my soul
like it didnt burn him like it did to me, like embers of coal
i was speechless and thankful and flustered all the same
i told him i loved him but it came out as thanks dad
he smiled and nodded as if this book wasnt his affection i never had
Jul 4, 2018
Jul 4, 2018 at 11:34 AM UTC
in a room full of strangers
id still know my place is at the back
ill keep my head down
and look for the confidence i lack
my days are filled with emptiness
its been days of deafening silence
and days with satisfying pain
its been driving me insane regardless of a license
but my nights are different
theyre dull but blue
theyre peaceful in a way
but still my heart is filled with people i can talk to
cause my heart is filled with strangers ive loved
and its filled with strangers ive lost
and now that i wanna talk about my ****** day
i know that talking to them would come with a cost
break your heart for me
said the one i loved too much
he doesnt smile nor does he frown
he looks like we just plainly lost touch
sing me a song you know i love
said the love ive had that i had not taken care of
she seems genuinely surprised when i told her i cant
because i cant remember her favorite songs, the keys are all off
lets be alone together
said the one who thought i loved too little
he cant look me in my eyes but hes holding onto my heart
i held onto his hands and crushed my own heart, a things so fickle
tell me the truth, not your truth
said the love i never knew i could have
shes strong and caring but i cant begin to understand her request
i told her my truth is all i know and the truth is a thing i cant grab
tell me a story, a good and happy one
said the one i cant ever love truly
my reflection stood in front of me, firm, unwavering
unlike my faltering soul that begand crumbling fully
and just like that im also a stranger on my own heart
lost and fazed, confused and frustratingly hopeless
cause my heart is filled with strangers i have loved
and now its filled with acquaintances that will never love me back
Jul 2, 2018
Jul 2, 2018 at 10:38 AM UTC
Nights like these reminds me of when we'd sleep together
Naked and cold, but together under the softness of our sheets.
I've always liked the cold but it seems to alays bite my skin.
The cold creeping up my skin as your hands chase them away.
Your hands that seems to have mapped me out months ago,
Roamed the entire surface of my body as I'm pressed against you.
Hands that can be as light and gentle as you ghost them over my neck
Hands that can leave the darkest bruises on my hips after they went.
Hands that were pressed against my back as were tangled up under the sheet.
Hands that cards throught my hair when we kiss till our bodies lay quiet in our sleep.
Hands that are now miles away from where im lying down, cold, under the sheets.
Hands that I've grown used to that now has me wanting, still waiting for it.
it turns out that I dont like the cold
Never had
Never will
My brain had just adjusted to the pattern that the cold nights would mean your warm hands would be back on my skin.
And it is a pattern. It was, I should say.
Because I never had to face a cold night alone
Until the night before this day.
Jun 18, 2018
Jun 18, 2018 at 5:02 AM UTC
the smell of cheap cologne and regret lingers
as my skin burns under the traces left by your fingers
he tasted like mint from the ghost of the gum he had
he tasted like a mistake, a good answer that had gone bad
we did nothing new but I feel bothered, restless, unstill
but what do I do I cant control your will
my mind made a filter, a mask for you to wear
so the potentially bad choice could be seen nowhere
but in your stead stood a mistake, a regret, then no one
cause the one to blame here is I so let me be rendered undone
and then i woke up
and you were there
and i wanted to touch you
but i wasn't here
because my mind yelled at me for taking advantage of myself
i was the who pushed him away, the one who left him in a shelf
but i'm the one who claws at him, who wants to pull him closer against my skin
in the end we're both satisfied but in the end we both didn't win.
May 23, 2018
May 23, 2018 at 12:50 AM UTC
i feel awful
and disgusted
because it's my fault
that you left but i'm still left vested
vested by you
but now you're not here
vested by you
but you're nowhere near
i hate this
and i hate me
i want nothing but to hate you
but why cant i be
why can't i breathe without looking for your approval
why can't i break down and not miss your comfort
why did you have to make me love something not so local
why is it that i want you to be happy but i want you to hurt
why aren't you hurt?
i'm not there with you but you can breathe?
i'm not there with you but you can laugh?
i'm not there with you but you're okay?
why are you okay?
why are you okay and i'm still struggling day by day
i don't want to hurt anymore
and i feel like i don't want to be free
i want to keep being in love with you but
it's apparent you'd rather not know me
May 14, 2018
May 14, 2018 at 9:36 AM UTC
did i do something wrong?
did i say something bad?
did i mess up so much
that hate sprung from the love we had?
i don't know if i did something wrong.
i don't know if i said something bad.
but i know that if i had known what's wrong
i could've fixed what we had.
but that's the thing
isn't it?
it's what we had.
what we used to have.
it's something i can't fix because
i still don't know what happened
i'm in the dark
i don't know
i'm clueless of what happened
of what happened for our "have" to be a "had"
May 14, 2018
May 14, 2018 at 9:21 AM UTC
with everything i've been through
i know i deserve consolation
i deserve a feast and a party
and i deserve to yell
to yell out my anguish and to yell at your face
to yell in delight and to yell out my hate
i can't seem to yell
i can't feel it'd do me justice if i let my heart out
because the world ***** and sometimes i do too
but my heart is something that wont ever let me down
and letting anyone see it would be unfair
unfair for me and unfair for my heart
so i let my heart out when im out for a swim
i wear it as a crown and i let it gleam
and when im submerged, underwater, in a dream
i'll let out my watered down scream
and with that my heart can be free
it can yell and shout and breathe
cause my heart sounds untamed and demented and deranged
and the water helps it grasp its own sanity
May 2, 2018
May 2, 2018 at 8:45 AM UTC