ibekaren - Hello Poetry

I didn’t care Swear You and I It meant nothing to me too You were just someone to pass the time Swear I didn’t care The excitement I felt when you would stare a too long meant nothing to me You were someone to pass the time with I didn’t crave it more when you lips pressed lightly on my body Neck Fingers Forehead Lips It meant nothing to me Swear I didn’t want it more Swear I didn’t care I wasn’t falling for you Your just a friend Who was a bit friendly then most I didn’t want you, too Swear I wasn’t madly in love with you I have no reason to lie I don’t love you I didn’t care When you found someone else I was happy for you You wanted more I was not heartbroken We were just friends I wasn’t heartbroken Swear Best to be left us in the past And it’s not like I was in love with you Swear I don’t love you Swear (how to convince me otherwise)

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Jul 24, 2025

Jul 24, 2025 at 3:58 PM UTC

(how to convince me otherwise)

I didn’t care Swear You and I It meant nothing to me too You were just someone to pass the time Swear I didn’t care The excitement I felt when you would stare a too long meant nothing to me You were someone to pass the time with I didn’t crave it more when you lips pressed lightly on my body Neck Fingers Forehead Lips It meant nothing to me Swear I didn’t want it more Swear I didn’t care I wasn’t falling for you Your just a friend Who was a bit friendly then most I didn’t want you, too Swear I wasn’t madly in love with you I have no reason to lie I don’t love you I didn’t care When you found someone else I was happy for you You wanted more I was not heartbroken We were just friends I wasn’t heartbroken Swear Best to be left us in the past And it’s not like I was in love with you Swear I don’t love you Swear (how to convince me otherwise)

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I had a dream Unbeknownst to me. As I dreamt the school day ended The bell shrilled Beckons to freedom Ready to head home Laid my backup next to me Settle in ready to depart Until they called "Karen we need a pic or it didn't happen" Try to say "No, no I'm camera shy" "Not to worry it just our white shoes in a circle, no one will ever know" And so the camera did blink Trap the moment for all eternity Just as soon I did regret it For my bus went on its path En route as is its routine And it sure did not wait for one or me Although I did try My feet thud along the pavement Hands outreach Yelling for it to stop With no success All my hopes and dream leaving me all safely inside that zipped cozy backpack of mine Which just keeps getting further away from me its true destiny. The destination of my arms And so in my tracks I did stop Disappointment overwhelming me What to do What to do? Call for help Pray family comes through Call anyone that comes to mind Only one did pick up Such a surprise that it was my tío Oblin But that doesn't change the fact of how huge the blessing was as I pray for help to come As he arrive a friend in need, needs a ride. "Can she come? As she also lost" I say Tío Oblin replies with a nod and so we go We wait at quick stop to his house Me filled with worry asking for relief Amanda sensed my distress In a hushed tone "Just between us" As she passed me her blunt Take two puffs Gotta hide the smoke "Roll the windows down, tío Oblin can't know doesn't trust the stuff" She laughed, soft But roll the windows down she did Had a plan- beat the bus, get my bag Tío Oblin said "There might be a chance" Going too fast But still not fast enough Must take a shortcut Over the river As the car lifted over water For sure thought we were done My life will end among family and a friend Gravity is gonna sink the car down We will drown "Not to worry our velocity keeps us safe we're going to fast to even think of sinking in" Can't be help I had my doubts But on we went All my cares went away once my friend handed me the blunt once again And this time I didn't say no Then I woke In a new dream Driving back home Then I see Familiar coat of grey My cat Who stray far from home In a school yard with none a care Though I didn't care for how far he's gone The peace I had when i picked him calm me down back to home we did drive All safe for we were exactly where we needed to be.

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Jul 22, 2025

Jul 22, 2025 at 1:24 PM UTC

What I Forgot to Carry

I had a dream Unbeknownst to me. As I dreamt the school day ended The bell shrilled Beckons to freedom Ready to head home Laid my backup next to me Settle in ready to depart Until they called "Karen we need a pic or it didn't happen" Try to say "No, no I'm camera shy" "Not to worry it just our white shoes in a circle, no one will ever know" And so the camera did blink Trap the moment for all eternity Just as soon I did regret it For my bus went on its path En route as is its routine And it sure did not wait for one or me Although I did try My feet thud along the pavement Hands outreach Yelling for it to stop With no success All my hopes and dream leaving me all safely inside that zipped cozy backpack of mine Which just keeps getting further away from me its true destiny. The destination of my arms And so in my tracks I did stop Disappointment overwhelming me What to do What to do? Call for help Pray family comes through Call anyone that comes to mind Only one did pick up Such a surprise that it was my tío Oblin But that doesn't change the fact of how huge the blessing was as I pray for help to come As he arrive a friend in need, needs a ride. "Can she come? As she also lost" I say Tío Oblin replies with a nod and so we go We wait at quick stop to his house Me filled with worry asking for relief Amanda sensed my distress In a hushed tone "Just between us" As she passed me her blunt Take two puffs Gotta hide the smoke "Roll the windows down, tío Oblin can't know doesn't trust the stuff" She laughed, soft But roll the windows down she did Had a plan- beat the bus, get my bag Tío Oblin said "There might be a chance" Going too fast But still not fast enough Must take a shortcut Over the river As the car lifted over water For sure thought we were done My life will end among family and a friend Gravity is gonna sink the car down We will drown "Not to worry our velocity keeps us safe we're going to fast to even think of sinking in" Can't be help I had my doubts But on we went All my cares went away once my friend handed me the blunt once again And this time I didn't say no Then I woke In a new dream Driving back home Then I see Familiar coat of grey My cat Who stray far from home In a school yard with none a care Though I didn't care for how far he's gone The peace I had when i picked him calm me down back to home we did drive All safe for we were exactly where we needed to be.

76

Relapse as a revelation I. Confession Dear self, We find ourselves in the same predicament once again. In a hospital with thoughts which are cycling at a speed of which I have no control. II. The Snake and the Spirit My delusions are so strong, rooted in logic they must be so, they have to be true no other choice. Even my mind agrees but I know, subconsciously she can’t be trusted. She can be as deceitful as Lucifer. A snake, laying in wait. Patiently waiting to attack in this case my mental state. But that doesn’t change the fact that I have been transported in a new world, even if it just for a while. I see many futures all connected to a new world. I see it clear in my minds eyes; a world where that I could’ve lived in if a picked a different choice. A parallel world others would call it. This is not a lie. Please do not say this is all part of the delusion I know what is real. I don’t care what they say. It’s hard to convince me otherwise. God what do you say? … Only silence: is that my answer? But it has to be noted that unlike my first hospitalization there’s less confusion, more understanding of its structure and rules although it might be a new location The fundamental are much the same. III. Rituals of the Parallel World Change to scrubs. Which mark me as a new patient: just like the Bible verse said it is written 2 Corinthians 5:17 The old has passed away, now stand a new creation in Christ. Wait some more like I’m in chapel awaiting a response. Keep awaiting in the hall, for my room. Must be patient. Remember it is written: 1 Thessalonians 5:14 be patient with everyone learn the virtue. See the staff erasing all traces of its last occupant; Parallel world- Just like how Jesus’ blood did erase the punishments of sin. How they both are gone. Settle in. As the hours tick by wait for lunch, dinner in bed. Time to rest. Feel the excess energy throughout my being. Try to sleep hours still tick by Wake up fix the bed. Remember it is written; Matthew 6:6. In my room on my knees pray in private in the windowless dark room which provides the only cover as the rooms have no door. Ignore the nurse that go by, or at least try. Thank god that this isn’t my tomb of despair. Now it’s midday- Fidget Where can my peace be found? God what do you say? Remember it is written: Mathew 7:7. It will be given. The T.v glares. I go and ask the nurse, “Where can I worship?” She hands me a pocket Bible. ”Will this do? It’s all we got.” Take it like it’s the bread offering of the Eucharist, it might as well be. However note that gives no reassurance, due to its lack of ownership, it has no name. This Bible is nothing like mine which I filled with my annotations and personal questions to God. More hours tick by, the angst still so intense. Suddenly remember how songs can send me messages, ask a new nurse “How can I access such music.” IV. Songs as Scripture Back in my room I’m transport back to church. As music fills my area. Sing along, in worship mood I am delighted. God is my savior in every space I inhabit. Days drag by, has it been a week? Rationality seep through once more. The homesickness is heavy laden. When will I be free to go? With all the rules my safety a top concern. Must wait to be assessed by professionals because they know all the facts. They know better than I ever could, is that really so? But how can that be true? V. The Cross I Carry They don’t know me from Eve. And my mental disease is not for them to handle. It’s not their weight to carry it’s my fate: the cross that I do bear. So why aren’t I given autonomy of this choice. Don’t I get to decide when it’s safe for me to go back home? Why do they say they know best? Why do they dare take away my choice? Who gave them keys to a gate that locks up my freedom? How do they not know that those walls that used to have me chain Have been torn down By a man who loves me and Who spilled his blood, to set me free? Why are they so set to limit my freedom? Can’t they see on what I know is true? VI. Why Am I Still Here? God said it so; his blood set me free, so let me go. So why am I still here in this room Without a door?

0

Jul 22, 2025

Jul 22, 2025 at 1:01 PM UTC

Relapse as a revelation

Relapse as a revelation I. Confession Dear self, We find ourselves in the same predicament once again. In a hospital with thoughts which are cycling at a speed of which I have no control. II. The Snake and the Spirit My delusions are so strong, rooted in logic they must be so, they have to be true no other choice. Even my mind agrees but I know, subconsciously she can’t be trusted. She can be as deceitful as Lucifer. A snake, laying in wait. Patiently waiting to attack in this case my mental state. But that doesn’t change the fact that I have been transported in a new world, even if it just for a while. I see many futures all connected to a new world. I see it clear in my minds eyes; a world where that I could’ve lived in if a picked a different choice. A parallel world others would call it. This is not a lie. Please do not say this is all part of the delusion I know what is real. I don’t care what they say. It’s hard to convince me otherwise. God what do you say? … Only silence: is that my answer? But it has to be noted that unlike my first hospitalization there’s less confusion, more understanding of its structure and rules although it might be a new location The fundamental are much the same. III. Rituals of the Parallel World Change to scrubs. Which mark me as a new patient: just like the Bible verse said it is written 2 Corinthians 5:17 The old has passed away, now stand a new creation in Christ. Wait some more like I’m in chapel awaiting a response. Keep awaiting in the hall, for my room. Must be patient. Remember it is written: 1 Thessalonians 5:14 be patient with everyone learn the virtue. See the staff erasing all traces of its last occupant; Parallel world- Just like how Jesus’ blood did erase the punishments of sin. How they both are gone. Settle in. As the hours tick by wait for lunch, dinner in bed. Time to rest. Feel the excess energy throughout my being. Try to sleep hours still tick by Wake up fix the bed. Remember it is written; Matthew 6:6. In my room on my knees pray in private in the windowless dark room which provides the only cover as the rooms have no door. Ignore the nurse that go by, or at least try. Thank god that this isn’t my tomb of despair. Now it’s midday- Fidget Where can my peace be found? God what do you say? Remember it is written: Mathew 7:7. It will be given. The T.v glares. I go and ask the nurse, “Where can I worship?” She hands me a pocket Bible. ”Will this do? It’s all we got.” Take it like it’s the bread offering of the Eucharist, it might as well be. However note that gives no reassurance, due to its lack of ownership, it has no name. This Bible is nothing like mine which I filled with my annotations and personal questions to God. More hours tick by, the angst still so intense. Suddenly remember how songs can send me messages, ask a new nurse “How can I access such music.” IV. Songs as Scripture Back in my room I’m transport back to church. As music fills my area. Sing along, in worship mood I am delighted. God is my savior in every space I inhabit. Days drag by, has it been a week? Rationality seep through once more. The homesickness is heavy laden. When will I be free to go? With all the rules my safety a top concern. Must wait to be assessed by professionals because they know all the facts. They know better than I ever could, is that really so? But how can that be true? V. The Cross I Carry They don’t know me from Eve. And my mental disease is not for them to handle. It’s not their weight to carry it’s my fate: the cross that I do bear. So why aren’t I given autonomy of this choice. Don’t I get to decide when it’s safe for me to go back home? Why do they say they know best? Why do they dare take away my choice? Who gave them keys to a gate that locks up my freedom? How do they not know that those walls that used to have me chain Have been torn down By a man who loves me and Who spilled his blood, to set me free? Why are they so set to limit my freedom? Can’t they see on what I know is true? VI. Why Am I Still Here? God said it so; his blood set me free, so let me go. So why am I still here in this room Without a door?

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