am i deserving of love, to love and to be loved? my mind started to question back as if i have had enough. it is the pathological effect from my illness that makes me feel like my mind was playing trick.
my days consisted of hesitation, building me a wall between what i used to feel so heavily and what i push away to the point where it’s hurting me. being vulnerable sometimes isn’t right way to start it off but on the other hand, refusing to be vulnerable can be more of a tired pattern of pushing people away and hiding your emotion too. seeing the breaths of silence dancing on the screen that parts us, makes me wounded to the pain of being vulnerable.
time to feel it blowing through, i’m trying hard not to sabotage my happiness anymore.
Jan 26, 2021
Jan 26, 2021 at 1:54 PM UTC
it was the day, i didn’t expect to find you
i didn’t expect to learn you
i didn’t expect to share so much
i was hesitant at first, but of course
i gave in, i opened up knowing full
you will left me too
Jan 26, 2021
Jan 26, 2021 at 12:54 PM UTC
the silence you gave is noxious
it's been a year of cautious
now and then i try to find
the fault in my mind
i might know the anger and sadness
and wish to go back to better times
that stems away from the awkwardness
and the action of my crime
Mar 28, 2018
Mar 28, 2018 at 9:47 PM UTC
one cold night
as i feel disincline
to do what i hate the most
i open my heart
as i always asked myself
what happens when people open their hearts?
do they get hurt?
i found out the answer
as i woke up the next day
atleast i feel refresh
"no, they get better"
Mar 28, 2018
Mar 28, 2018 at 9:32 PM UTC
scars between her flesh and skin
is just a prisoner as i touch
every battle she's in
yet it conceals so much
what secrets they hold
beneath those layers of light and love
she reigns without control
regret is what she got a plenty of
from those eyes i see
hold a misery hide
what do they see in me
with caution or bashful side
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 9:19 AM UTC
hello friend
that’s lame. maybe i should give you a name? but that’s a slippery slope, you’re only in my head. i didn’t want this. i created you. we have to remember that.
stop it.
why can’t i stop it? it’s just my illusion. it came by the time i want to hide it. i’m not hiding it but i’m a coward, it feels painful not to pretend. sometimes i dream of saving the world, saving everyone from the invisible hand, the one that forces us to go work with them, the one that control us everyday without us knowing it. i can’t help it. i’m not that special. just an anonymous.
****
it’s actually happening again.
i’m talking to an imaginary friend.
Jan 30, 2018
Jan 30, 2018 at 8:04 AM UTC
hey dear lady
you got so pretty
and they are all looking at you
i can't held it too
who are you dear lady
you just drive me crazy
hurt me a pinch
look everyone's jaws drop an inch
your hair falls perfectly
like an art of the shady
it's parting ten out of ten
what glory for day of men
Jan 21, 2018
Jan 21, 2018 at 11:57 AM UTC
the sky is no longer white
with the cloud appeared turn them grey
my heart melted in the shades of night
that now it means to stay
the red sun used to wash the blue ocean
now turn its face to black
as i leave the darkness in motion
you tied my shadows safe from gliding back
Jan 21, 2018
Jan 21, 2018 at 11:28 AM UTC
sometimes i take your letter out of my book
that holds thousand secrets in its heart.
alone, i read it out loud
between two sobs
i stop
wondering if you still read mine.
Jan 5, 2018
Jan 5, 2018 at 9:32 AM UTC
if you died right now
would anyone care
but let’s be honest
no one would give a ****
the few people who’d feel obligated
to go to your funeral
would be annoyed
and leave as early as possible
that is who you are
and what you are
you are nothing
to anyone, to everyone,
so think about it
Dec 29, 2017
Dec 29, 2017 at 2:31 PM UTC