anxiety
depression
anxiety
depression
the only things that never leave your side
the ones that are always there for you
distracting you from the world
as your life passes you by
constantly reminding you
that you don't need anyone else
so why would that be a question
"hey it's us again! the ones that
assure commitment,
anxiety and depression"
you cling to their words
as they've lived up to their promises
of never leaving you alone
"never question our loyalty we'll always be here!
you're wanted, we want you! and that will never be unknown!"
"we're not sure why you don't want us around
you're always saying you want someone to come in your life
and stay a while
we thought coming around when you felt lonely
would at least make you smile!"
I was never scared of the dark until I met anxiety and depression
they lurk in the nights and watch me sleep and then yell "WAKE UP"
to let me know that self guilt and sadness is still in my possession
it's time to go out and find the cure for this stupid disease
the only things that will make them go away, self love & inner peace
it will be a long time before i find it
but i know who will push me
in the right direction
my old friends who said they'd stay by my side!
Remember them? Anxiety & Depression.
Nov 12, 2018
Nov 12, 2018 at 6:54 PM UTC
I got really high tonight
And chose to specifically take
The time to view over my thoughts
Such a sad place:
Full of wretched self judgemental opinions
You aren’t good enough said me to me in the mirror
You’ll never be loved and you’ll never be successful
You’re only a time to time beneficial resource to the ones you thought cared about you
Nobody will ever love you for you, you either give them what they want or they’re gone
Everyone in your life will leave you eventually
You’re such a disappointment
You’re so ugly
You're crazy
She's prettier than you and has such a nice body
You're not good enough and never will be
Stop getting so attached nobody wants to stay
Hate yourself
Nobody would care if you disappeared
Why’re you even here?
Although I occasionally think about this
dark room in my head while sober
I always fake it away and try not to think about it
I never truly take the time to
think about everything gives me
sad and anxious feelings
This is depressing
I don’t wanna be in this dark room anymore
Caution!!! Bad vibes only
I try to exit this room
but the doors are locked
I CAN’T GET OUT
I try to knock down the door
With the little energy I have
After this major dark attack
I finally get to leave
Sober you knows everything will be okay
I'm never going back there again
Nap time…
Sep 24, 2018
Sep 24, 2018 at 9:24 PM UTC
the sand was the softest that night
the sky was as blue as ever
your lips and your touch was just what I needed
to make that night at the beach even better
you spoke to me with your intoxicated voice
and kissed me with your intoxicated tongue
“i want you when i’m drunk
i want you when i’m high
i want you when i'm sober
i want you all the time”
you kissed me after that
then told me
i meant so much to you
from that moment on
i knew i’d be attached like glue
we left the beach to go get food
with our friends
and in the car
with your drunken voice you began
to pour out your soul
like you were singing me a song
i told you we’d finish this tomorrow
so i’d know whether or not believing
your words was right or wrong
that night ended perfectly
i got dropped off at home
you told me to kiss you goodbye
i told you kiss me when you’re sober
and tomorrow came and that’s what you did
which actually made me cry
but i still wanna know
did you mean what you said
when you said what you did
that night?
the fear of being rejected
i never asked
i let your actions
answer my question
instead of getting caught up
on drunken words
and letting it become
an obsession
i’m grateful your words were sorta true
and that’s what made me fall for you
i had never felt this way towards someone
and that’s what made it hard for me
when the universe decided we should be done
Sep 22, 2018
Sep 22, 2018 at 5:46 PM UTC
It
Was
When
You
Looked
At
Me
Dead
In
The
Eyes
&
Smiled
That I knew I was in trouble
Sep 22, 2018
Sep 22, 2018 at 4:02 PM UTC
To the ones who feel
Less than
you’re so much more
To the ones who feel
Forgotten
i’ll remember you
To the ones who feel
Worthless
you’re worth it
To the ones who feel
like you don’t matter
You do
The world is such a beautiful place
With you in it & it wouldn’t be the same
Without you
Sep 22, 2018
Sep 22, 2018 at 2:45 PM UTC
His eyes are my escape route
They take me anywhere I wanna go
Which always leads right next to him
When he looks at me
I feel my soul become furious
Somebody has me bothered
I crave the scent of his cologne
When the smell of it on my sweatshirt
F A D E S away
The limited-time only reminder
that at one point
He was on top of me
And in that moment
I was all that mattered
to him
The anxiety that lurks through my body
Everytime I think of him
The feeling in my body
Everytime my brain remembers
a happy moment
With him
Or sincere moments
we shared
Two broken people
80/20
I broke my own heart
To give him pieces to fix his
20/80
My mind and what’s left of
my heart are at war
Because of him
Because of him, his smile
And his quirky laugh
that quench the desire
Of the simplicity of his existence;
My heart won’t let me be at peace
My mind tells me to let go
Reflecting on post trauma
Nothing is better than feeling
Wanted but safe
By the person you want the most
But nothing is worse than feeling
You’re not good enough for the person
You want most
Looking into his eyes again
Constantly searching for reassurance
And then suddenly
the source of happiness vanishes
you were only a distraction
While what was really wanted
Wasn’t accessible
allowing attachment
is unbelievably dangerous
But learning to let go
is worse
Sep 20, 2018
Sep 20, 2018 at 10:50 AM UTC
Being black
Being LGBTQ
Being muslim
Just being me
Or you just being you
We’re all supposed to be on the same team
At least in my head
But some people are close minded
And want to see some of our teammates dead
Here’s something Jermine Hodge, a young black man said
“I’m just like you
a human
red blood
Emotions
a moving figure
Why should you treat me
Like I’m about to pull the trigger?”
Over the centuries blacks have been discriminated
Because of the color of their skin
Causing a whole population of HUMANS to become sadder
But at the end of the day we all bleed the same color
So why should what’s on the outside even matter?
Being black, that automatically means you deal drugs
And all the homies you hangout with, they’re just a bunch of thugs
Who play with guns and are thieves
Who gets chicks knocked up with their baby and then just leaves
Black people are the ones who walk around with sagging pants
The ones who get bullied by the police over “suspected suspicion” and not remaining a “proper stance”
If they walk around in the wrong neighborhood it gives that scared white woman a good reason to dial
But really it’s just a good opportunity to flash the blue lights and racially profile.
People say brown kids were born to end war between the two races
But people who are racist at heart, won’t stop their cruel ways
just because they see more brown faces
I don’t experience racism?
That’s what they think
But I’ve gotten called the N word ‘cause
My skin isn’t like milk, it’s kinda like a mixed drink
And being gay? Nope “that’s a sin”
God forbid us to love who WE wanted
but little did he know love always wins
If you’re a man in love with a man,
You’re obsessed with fashion and have a high pitched voice
You see? We didn’t ask you we just insisted without giving any other choice.
And you’re a lesbian if you have tattoos, piercings and short hair
And act like you have nothing to lose
If you are in love with the same gender you don’t love god!
Imagine what it’s like to be in his shoes!
You can’t judge someone because of who they identify as or who they love
If it’s not affecting your life, it’s not something you should be concerned of
Now, Muslims.
I guess they’re all terrorists huh?
But I guess we judge an entire nation of people
Based off of a few unfortunate attacks and call out the whole religion. DUH
If you’re wearing a Burqa or Hijab you get judged and looked at because you’re
an assumed terrorist
Yes 9/11 was a tragic day but we can’t blame all Muslims because of it
People will criticize no matter what
But I can tell you what one of society’s errors is
The muslim that sleeps in my house every single night
IS NOT A GOD **** TERRORIST
White people get looked at as the racists ones
But I can tell you that this stereotype isn’t true
Because my white mom has many brown daughters and sons
And my white grandmother on my dads side has 21 children 18 of them being adopted black kids, she took them all in because they were so beautiful and held her heart captive.
Negrophobia, Xenophobia, Homophobia, and Racism
These are all made up things for glamorizing human criticism.
The point of this poem was to debunk what stereotypes do
Also to remember never let lies and other people’s beliefs stop you from being unapologetically you
Sep 17, 2018
Sep 17, 2018 at 3:41 PM UTC