It's a long time since i've written words in this place
returned just to scroll from time to time maybe
but the words haven't come
as i scroll today i remember a sense of community and the buzz when i saw that old yellow lightening bolt appear in the corner
i remember thinking that my words were empty but perhaps reading back they weren't completely
i feel like maybe i would like to be part of this again but i think i need to understand this community again
Feb 7, 2018
Feb 7, 2018 at 6:24 PM UTC
I can feel myself growing away
Floating up
Gravity feels all silky like blankets on me
I can wear it on my shoulders in the kitchen to make tea
I think I can feel my body disappearing from the insides to the out
So now I think I am just edges sipping at warm tea
I will close my eyes
Maybe in a minute I will feel different
Today I am so strange
Feb 15, 2016
Feb 15, 2016 at 6:10 PM UTC
I need to get better at expressing myself and writing here again
I need to stop feeling stuck because I know the words can't ever be completely right
Some of the best things in my life have come from not fighting the crazy in me
Also i should remember that simply writing thoughts down can still be like a stepping stone to something more
Feb 2, 2016
Feb 2, 2016 at 10:51 AM UTC
I am restless every day
Tell me where my roots are
Because I couldn't find them when the sky was blue
Or when it was grey
I couldn't find them when it was cold that day
I had the wind under all my clothes and I drifted away
There was light in my face so I couldn't see a thing
Even though I saw everything
I go backwards on the path beside the field
And I go the other way
And nothing changes
We both know
But im not on the path beside the field anymore
I am restless every day ******* hell
But I feel quite calm
Where are my roots you don't know
You're looking as well
You're walking beside me on the road now
That's why i'll have you here if you'd like
You're a leaf in my palm
Making me smile
I get lost when someone leads me.
Please forgive me because my own words can make me sad sometimes and I feel restless every day
I've said this
And I do say things but I can't make them more than words
I hope its ok
I could tear my body off
I feel like a ghost
There's something between me and it all
It's not my skin
But i'd tear it off just searching
Dec 18, 2015
Dec 18, 2015 at 1:42 AM UTC
I only get letters from the hospital
Hello wild, gentle, thoughtful, perfect day;
Someone to lie on grass with
Someone to be silent with
Someone to speak the world with
and the made up things in our brains
Some things that speak to me
people sleeping on trains
paths through fields that lead into trees
people sleeping on grass
balconies
rooftops from trains
all the lives that keep passing me each day
i wish i could know every one
I wish I knew everyone
Paths and village roads
lives from the window
I wish I could live
Luggage on chairs
But the people waiting on platforms are so beautiful
"Last night i dreamt that i drenched myself in heavy rain
And you wrote a poem like you were throwing words onto a page
And i spoke them out loud because i already knew what you wanted to say"
In the night id like to catch a train
run away
I think i would like to not be alone
where are you
I don't want to go home
Often I feel this
I'm not ready to go home
Nov 22, 2015
Nov 22, 2015 at 10:25 PM UTC
This sunlight can be like a lamp through trees
when it feels like the sun has followed me across a field
finding me with the trees and the horses and small animals
smelling the grass
And I can wear your friends coat
and it will keep me smiling through the cold
eat cereal dry from the box
sitting on a fallen tree
fill the ghastly centre of me
to find it's more like a strange warmth
These clouds can be like some distant lands
And i can be afraid of the mud and the sand and the twigs
because i love them
and i can be afraid of your hand
because it can lead me to the rest of you
I can be alone on the pavement
on the concrete road
and call it a mood and i know what that means
with the houses bending around me
corners on roads waiting
Only one place will be like this
where the moon falls into the sea
I'll feel my heart beating on the stones
see the words sitting in between us
and people who never found me
This music can be like the rain sometimes
and it can be like the shelter
And I will find us a fallen stairway
You will find us a hole in the ground
We can find a space to be in
Along a path
I can touch everything
and let it go
and i will feel how it feels
like leaves and words
I'll fall into spirals
like leaving my body
fall on the ground
in the sky
roll in the dirt
cry and cry and cry
or smile
I will climb the ladder of this silo
with the mud from your boots on my hands
and we can see the fields together
when your smell is still quite new to me
the air will smell like rivers this day
and the world will look like pale light
and you can bring me biscuits on the swing
while i wait for you to see your family
and it won't be normal
once I thought i could taste the world sometimes
it will happen again probably
Sep 1, 2015
Sep 1, 2015 at 7:40 PM UTC
everything i write
is nothing like me
id even say maybe
i have more conn-
ection to other pe
-oples work than
my own
how do other peo
-ple find the words
they actually want
to write or is it all
just like some kind
of settling
Jun 5, 2015
Jun 5, 2015 at 9:32 PM UTC
Time left the sea quite slowly,
little feeling
barely a look back
it was gentle like a firelight.
Watched his friends leave
through the lens of a dying flame,
she saw them
close and closer
and further away
glimmering for those few seconds
on the tips of briefly living waves,
little lives of the world,
little warmth
and little face.
There it falls into the arms that carried it
to this ending day,
all of them,
but really they belong to the sky.
Still it beats,
and beating
and somehow existing,
it stills,
secret blood poems
pulse through it there
I think,
and with all the
forgotten questions,
some like grey echos
in all the white of the sky
and it hurts,
all that wonder;
they escaped us.
Now we close our eyes,
turning each stone to green.
Water has
intended
this human interaction,
built to sink
each heavy limb,
if sinking exists here,
and sinking does,
each vessel then
weightless from life
each vessel is a boat
Existing
there can we see it
alive is a word,
then we journey through it
and ask them
show us who you carry
not all those places you might ever go,
little rafts moving somewhere
on a lake filled with sky,
it is the world that passes through them.
Jun 5, 2015
Jun 5, 2015 at 8:56 PM UTC
I am open and I am feet that walk in the rain
I wonder about swings and I wonder where the kindness goes and I wonder if plants are in pain
I hear trains far away and I stop to listen because they make me feel like life is moving
I see patterns in front of my eyes
I want nothing
I am closed
I pretend the grass in the wind is the sea
I feel like Lego in the gravel drive, I feel like sunshine
I touch the hands of mannequins in shops, and I touch the water on petals and leaves
I worry about nothing
I cry like a rain cloud, I cry just for a change, I cry to see what happens, I cry and it's just water from the sea
I am open, I am somewhere in between
I understand these words like living; I feel like they've lost me
I say words; I hate them, I love them, I sing them
I dream while I'm asleep but sometimes I forget to write them down
I try to blow bubbles but the mixture won't work, I try to catch the sunlight on my eyelashes
I hope that people feel it when I smile at them
I am nothing
May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 8:19 PM UTC
It feels like my mind is naked;
I get this sensation of a breeze changing on skin.
My head is in the place where the trees grow
and my body is somewhere.
My body is a secret
like a coat in a bedroom closet,
I've called to it,
But it's cold and hanging,
Still I've searched for it;
Like a coat
it's waiting to be worn.
Mar 6, 2015
Mar 6, 2015 at 7:35 PM UTC