hope-marie-ross - Hello Poetry

I’m doing everything I can To cling to the love we had I’m writing like I’ve never written before In many forms, Through these writings I am learning how to be alone again. When we were one Your love distracted me from words All the things I felt for you All the things I could’ve written about I couldn’t My words were stuck in the things I did For you.

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Sep 27, 2017

Sep 27, 2017 at 2:40 PM UTC

The Beginning

I’m doing everything I can To cling to the love we had I’m writing like I’ve never written before In many forms, Through these writings I am learning how to be alone again. When we were one Your love distracted me from words All the things I felt for you All the things I could’ve written about I couldn’t My words were stuck in the things I did For you.

13

Here we are We have finally made it At this fine hour we cross over We are no longer part of the group known as minors Now in the state's eyes we are “adults” But are we really ? No, we are not. I cannot possibly feel like an adult for I can not behave like one People still say “hey kid” People deny me from buying my own cigarettes But if I'm still a kid then why am I working as hard as my parents? Why am I living on my own in my mother's home? Why am I allowed to enjoy other people but not enjoy a smoke once in awhile? Why am I able to give my life for this country but not buy a drink? If we sit here and think About what it means to be eighteen We soon we will see That there really is no meaning.

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Sep 13, 2016

Sep 13, 2016 at 2:11 PM UTC

18

Here we are We have finally made it At this fine hour we cross over We are no longer part of the group known as minors Now in the state's eyes we are “adults” But are we really ? No, we are not. I cannot possibly feel like an adult for I can not behave like one People still say “hey kid” People deny me from buying my own cigarettes But if I'm still a kid then why am I working as hard as my parents? Why am I living on my own in my mother's home? Why am I allowed to enjoy other people but not enjoy a smoke once in awhile? Why am I able to give my life for this country but not buy a drink? If we sit here and think About what it means to be eighteen We soon we will see That there really is no meaning.

18

I hate myself No really, I mean it. I know you don't believe me for how often that I say it But I'm stuck with my thoughts who claim it. They tell me I'm not good enough Too stupid to think Go ahead grab another drink and forget who you are cos you know you won't get very far With this disease that has consumed you. But this can't be diagnosed And there's no cure to be found So go on and tell yourself just how weak you are Cos it's all in your head When you say you want to be dead. They call it self-loathing, and it's the greatest fear I've know The darkest spots my mind takes me to Why are all the artists the sad ones? We feel your pain and then create While carrying the burden of our own. I shouldn't have said anything No one listens to an artist for they have nothing to say A poet rambles while general discourse fill the spaces And I am left alone in my head With the original thought that prompted this piece I wished I was dead.

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Aug 26, 2016

Aug 26, 2016 at 1:14 PM UTC

Monologue for the self-loathing

I hate myself No really, I mean it. I know you don't believe me for how often that I say it But I'm stuck with my thoughts who claim it. They tell me I'm not good enough Too stupid to think Go ahead grab another drink and forget who you are cos you know you won't get very far With this disease that has consumed you. But this can't be diagnosed And there's no cure to be found So go on and tell yourself just how weak you are Cos it's all in your head When you say you want to be dead. They call it self-loathing, and it's the greatest fear I've know The darkest spots my mind takes me to Why are all the artists the sad ones? We feel your pain and then create While carrying the burden of our own. I shouldn't have said anything No one listens to an artist for they have nothing to say A poet rambles while general discourse fill the spaces And I am left alone in my head With the original thought that prompted this piece I wished I was dead.

25

They tell me That I don’t need you And I know that this is very true But I can’t seem to get rid of you You are vile for deceiving me I thought I believed The things you said But in the end I was dismayed To learn that all your words Were merely lies And I wonder why You said the things you did For some reason I feel that I Need you there to tell me Of my beauty For I’ve always felt Condemned to solitude And malignant intimacy.

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Oct 27, 2014

Oct 27, 2014 at 10:18 PM UTC

Deceived By A Rogue

They tell me That I don’t need you And I know that this is very true But I can’t seem to get rid of you You are vile for deceiving me I thought I believed The things you said But in the end I was dismayed To learn that all your words Were merely lies And I wonder why You said the things you did For some reason I feel that I Need you there to tell me Of my beauty For I’ve always felt Condemned to solitude And malignant intimacy.

22

Loving him is so **** hard When I don’t know what we are anymore I wish that we could go from the start When everything was free and fun. Smoking till I couldn’t walk Lying in the car with him As we waited for the others The days when I was his doll And everything I did he thought was adorable. Now all that is abondoned I want to regard him with contempt But I can’t I am not that way And I hope that he is not either But I never knew him so I can’t tell I just want to talk to him Have him answer my many questions Tell me why he left But he never will and I will never know I will never be able to talk to him never get the answers from him No matter how much I implore He will never talk to me again. He will talk to her from now on And never to me But I understand and accept this pain It’s better to have her happy than me I was born to suffer in order to allow other’s happiness They are happy And I am not And that is how it is supposed to be And that is how it will always be As a healer I must be the sufferer to know how to heal others And I am learning that I was never meant to have him He was a lesson that strengthened my belief That I’m destined for solitude and exempt from intimacy

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Oct 26, 2014

Oct 26, 2014 at 9:09 PM UTC

Destined for Solitude

Loving him is so **** hard When I don’t know what we are anymore I wish that we could go from the start When everything was free and fun. Smoking till I couldn’t walk Lying in the car with him As we waited for the others The days when I was his doll And everything I did he thought was adorable. Now all that is abondoned I want to regard him with contempt But I can’t I am not that way And I hope that he is not either But I never knew him so I can’t tell I just want to talk to him Have him answer my many questions Tell me why he left But he never will and I will never know I will never be able to talk to him never get the answers from him No matter how much I implore He will never talk to me again. He will talk to her from now on And never to me But I understand and accept this pain It’s better to have her happy than me I was born to suffer in order to allow other’s happiness They are happy And I am not And that is how it is supposed to be And that is how it will always be As a healer I must be the sufferer to know how to heal others And I am learning that I was never meant to have him He was a lesson that strengthened my belief That I’m destined for solitude and exempt from intimacy

36

I know that we are distant now, and though we may no longer exchange words, I am content with that because I realised early on in our relationship that you were never mine to lose. They admonished me, but I wanted to experience myself, and perhaps prove them wrong of their assumptions. However, I instead proved myself to be at fault, by chasing the indecorous, and resulting in my own gaffe. An atrocious blunder not worth the time that was dedicated from the outside to somehow benefit her strife Instead she came to realise that no one was ever hers to lose for she never had anyone to gain.

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Oct 26, 2014

Oct 26, 2014 at 9:01 PM UTC

Admonishing Those At Fault

I know that we are distant now, and though we may no longer exchange words, I am content with that because I realised early on in our relationship that you were never mine to lose. They admonished me, but I wanted to experience myself, and perhaps prove them wrong of their assumptions. However, I instead proved myself to be at fault, by chasing the indecorous, and resulting in my own gaffe. An atrocious blunder not worth the time that was dedicated from the outside to somehow benefit her strife Instead she came to realise that no one was ever hers to lose for she never had anyone to gain.

18

I’ve had but only one experience with romantic love. For a flirting moment I felt that someone was interested in a deeper relationship. But I don’t know if that can be true or not, because I will never be able to ask him. Whatever it was that we had was so carelessly taken from me, so spitefully placed out of my reach, and out of my sight, and hopefully soon to be out of my mind. But he couldn’t leave my mind alone. The thought of him would loom over me, I could feel the presence of pain behind me. Memories of him loomed like his gigantic shadow.. a shadow looming over me.. such as he did on our last encounter. He was so cordial then, and gave me the warm pleasantness of his embrace. I was very glad to see him, for things between us had been distant for the past weeks. He called me doll like he always used to, and things felt as if they were the same as before, as though nothing had changed. Very little did I know that the following morning I would be struck with the bitter news. I was so foolish to have not realized what I saw with my eyes on the previous day, and too bemused to say much of anything to him upon hearing. Our relationship had unexpectedly come to an end. I felt as though he had died, when all that happened was he left me to pursue another. Within one month I experienced emotions that I thought I never would. I loved, then cried, then loved again, then cried again. Within just one month one person gave me a new experience, a new feeling, that no one has ever done before. He made me feel some way. I don’t know how to put it into words. It is a very challenging and bothersome thing, when you can’t put something into words. In most cases, I am able to conjure at least a sentence to describe my emotions. However, whatever feeling he gave me was beyond my vocabulary. But now he’s gone, removed from my life, and I’m left with the memories. I abandon any feelings I once had of him, and work everyday to relinquish the idea of what we were. I was in love with the idea of us, even though I never knew what we were. If I think about it, we never were much to begin with, and what it was in the beginning is hard to label. The only conclusion that I can draw from my experience is the one word I have tried to avoid my whole life, out of fear for it ending as this experience has; love.

0

Oct 26, 2014

Oct 26, 2014 at 8:40 PM UTC

Zealous Doubtful Love

I’ve had but only one experience with romantic love. For a flirting moment I felt that someone was interested in a deeper relationship. But I don’t know if that can be true or not, because I will never be able to ask him. Whatever it was that we had was so carelessly taken from me, so spitefully placed out of my reach, and out of my sight, and hopefully soon to be out of my mind. But he couldn’t leave my mind alone. The thought of him would loom over me, I could feel the presence of pain behind me. Memories of him loomed like his gigantic shadow.. a shadow looming over me.. such as he did on our last encounter. He was so cordial then, and gave me the warm pleasantness of his embrace. I was very glad to see him, for things between us had been distant for the past weeks. He called me doll like he always used to, and things felt as if they were the same as before, as though nothing had changed. Very little did I know that the following morning I would be struck with the bitter news. I was so foolish to have not realized what I saw with my eyes on the previous day, and too bemused to say much of anything to him upon hearing. Our relationship had unexpectedly come to an end. I felt as though he had died, when all that happened was he left me to pursue another. Within one month I experienced emotions that I thought I never would. I loved, then cried, then loved again, then cried again. Within just one month one person gave me a new experience, a new feeling, that no one has ever done before. He made me feel some way. I don’t know how to put it into words. It is a very challenging and bothersome thing, when you can’t put something into words. In most cases, I am able to conjure at least a sentence to describe my emotions. However, whatever feeling he gave me was beyond my vocabulary. But now he’s gone, removed from my life, and I’m left with the memories. I abandon any feelings I once had of him, and work everyday to relinquish the idea of what we were. I was in love with the idea of us, even though I never knew what we were. If I think about it, we never were much to begin with, and what it was in the beginning is hard to label. The only conclusion that I can draw from my experience is the one word I have tried to avoid my whole life, out of fear for it ending as this experience has; love.

1

I miss that night When we all got high On the levee that September night I sang Electric Avenue With you as we drove down the highway But that time is gone And so are you And the person I once knew Who used to call me his doll.

0

Oct 26, 2014

Oct 26, 2014 at 8:29 PM UTC

Smoking With A Stranger

I miss that night When we all got high On the levee that September night I sang Electric Avenue With you as we drove down the highway But that time is gone And so are you And the person I once knew Who used to call me his doll.

9