holyoak - Hello Poetry

& we find ourselves again after everything its as if i felt the sun shiver as it met my skin the dawn broke just when our dusk swallowed us whole we sat silent watching clouds burst into violent oranges & purples it was gorgeous a fitting end to something so opposite the sky looks awful after the sun sets the lack of color the lack of light the lack of us we exploded in light it consumed us we burned bright & what was left behind was something less than the sum of our parts not different but not the same just worse [holyoak]

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Apr 6, 2018

Apr 6, 2018 at 9:45 AM UTC

dawndusk

& we find ourselves again after everything its as if i felt the sun shiver as it met my skin the dawn broke just when our dusk swallowed us whole we sat silent watching clouds burst into violent oranges & purples it was gorgeous a fitting end to something so opposite the sky looks awful after the sun sets the lack of color the lack of light the lack of us we exploded in light it consumed us we burned bright & what was left behind was something less than the sum of our parts not different but not the same just worse [holyoak]

29

& i dont mean physically you turned your mind off to me you shut down & backed out i was staring at the corpse of the girl that once laughed she could breathe life into the room but now youre a walking tombstone with the words i rest in pieces carved haphazardly into the front now the only peace of mind i have is that it wasnt me who killed you it was your own heart racing faster than a freight train & when it beats out of your chest maybe ill see the real you soaked in blood & charging for the exit not unlike the last time we spoke i swear you threw the door off its hinges like you ripped our pages out of the book & used them to wrap your cigarettes breathing in our words like tobacco feeding off our feelings like nicotine you smoked yourself into a stupor & wiped your mind clean of any thought of me [holyoak]

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Jul 6, 2015

Jul 6, 2015 at 3:10 PM UTC

you faked your death

& i dont mean physically you turned your mind off to me you shut down & backed out i was staring at the corpse of the girl that once laughed she could breathe life into the room but now youre a walking tombstone with the words i rest in pieces carved haphazardly into the front now the only peace of mind i have is that it wasnt me who killed you it was your own heart racing faster than a freight train & when it beats out of your chest maybe ill see the real you soaked in blood & charging for the exit not unlike the last time we spoke i swear you threw the door off its hinges like you ripped our pages out of the book & used them to wrap your cigarettes breathing in our words like tobacco feeding off our feelings like nicotine you smoked yourself into a stupor & wiped your mind clean of any thought of me [holyoak]

31

empty lighters in shaking hands reminiscent of our trembling fingers touching for the first time sparks lighting but no fire catches no pyroclasm ignites between us a storm rages above us i cant help but wander the maelstrom & beg this lightning to start the fire for me to strike the ground with almost as much intensity as i would the small brushfires just dont do it for me anymore i need a wildfire i need a firestorm to set our world ablaze & wipe our slate clean a worldfire with such intensity that it burns all traces of you out of my head to flood my mind with its fire & sear it with a new pain that doesnt involve you there were never any sparks with us the only heat i remember was the cigarette between your lips taunting me with the fire i could never start well hand me a match its getting cold here anyway [holyoak]

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Jul 1, 2015

Jul 1, 2015 at 2:06 AM UTC

worldfire

empty lighters in shaking hands reminiscent of our trembling fingers touching for the first time sparks lighting but no fire catches no pyroclasm ignites between us a storm rages above us i cant help but wander the maelstrom & beg this lightning to start the fire for me to strike the ground with almost as much intensity as i would the small brushfires just dont do it for me anymore i need a wildfire i need a firestorm to set our world ablaze & wipe our slate clean a worldfire with such intensity that it burns all traces of you out of my head to flood my mind with its fire & sear it with a new pain that doesnt involve you there were never any sparks with us the only heat i remember was the cigarette between your lips taunting me with the fire i could never start well hand me a match its getting cold here anyway [holyoak]

33

no one believed in ghosts until we realized everyones transparent no one holds on tighter than when they realize they have to let go but the terrifying part is that im not sure if ive ever been held my hands are made of smoke my heart is caged vapor im reaching for so many people but im a phantom made of lies & half truths how can i be honest with you when i could never admit to myself that im a ghost im a real boy i chant to myself as my strings get pulled a marionette made of fog the realest ill ever be is when im spouting the opinions of others out of my incorporeal mouth tying together borrowed words with my ethereal tongue as if i have a thought process of my own whats it feel like to be a ghost? id say like hell but ghosts dont feel much anyway were all living on borrowed feelings donated sympathy & hand-me-down ignorance an army of ghosts that cant even defend themselves we bash each other with words that are almost as hollow as our chests no one knows anything about themselves but everyone knows everything about everyone else we see through each other but we cant see ourselves we try to reflect one another but the vapor is always shifting its maddening being so shapeless yet so defined i want a body of my own i want a place i can call home i want to not be shamed for my opinion i want to respect others fully ghosts are meant to terrify & let me be honest when i say ive never seen anything as ghostly as this generation of opinionated plagiarists [holyoak]

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Jun 16, 2015

Jun 16, 2015 at 9:16 PM UTC

its okay to lose a limb when they get too heavy

no one believed in ghosts until we realized everyones transparent no one holds on tighter than when they realize they have to let go but the terrifying part is that im not sure if ive ever been held my hands are made of smoke my heart is caged vapor im reaching for so many people but im a phantom made of lies & half truths how can i be honest with you when i could never admit to myself that im a ghost im a real boy i chant to myself as my strings get pulled a marionette made of fog the realest ill ever be is when im spouting the opinions of others out of my incorporeal mouth tying together borrowed words with my ethereal tongue as if i have a thought process of my own whats it feel like to be a ghost? id say like hell but ghosts dont feel much anyway were all living on borrowed feelings donated sympathy & hand-me-down ignorance an army of ghosts that cant even defend themselves we bash each other with words that are almost as hollow as our chests no one knows anything about themselves but everyone knows everything about everyone else we see through each other but we cant see ourselves we try to reflect one another but the vapor is always shifting its maddening being so shapeless yet so defined i want a body of my own i want a place i can call home i want to not be shamed for my opinion i want to respect others fully ghosts are meant to terrify & let me be honest when i say ive never seen anything as ghostly as this generation of opinionated plagiarists [holyoak]

59

its difficult the crash the seemingly endless skid skin tearing blood smearing the pavement the shrieking of tires burnt rubber we stand up weary shaking only to strap into the seat again its difficult the low the drop after the high the empty nauseous feeling needing one more hit one more drag and ive been knocked down and dragged out so many many times and i keep begging begging to get back in the ring put my gloves on come out swinging and i swear if you crash this car again because youre high off of some fight we had ill leave this belt unbuckled i wont be walking away from this wreck again [holyoak]

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Jun 9, 2015

Jun 9, 2015 at 12:45 PM UTC

no officer i havent been drinking

its difficult the crash the seemingly endless skid skin tearing blood smearing the pavement the shrieking of tires burnt rubber we stand up weary shaking only to strap into the seat again its difficult the low the drop after the high the empty nauseous feeling needing one more hit one more drag and ive been knocked down and dragged out so many many times and i keep begging begging to get back in the ring put my gloves on come out swinging and i swear if you crash this car again because youre high off of some fight we had ill leave this belt unbuckled i wont be walking away from this wreck again [holyoak]

34

A CRUISE SHIP STRANDED IN CITY STREETS A FIRETRUCK ON FIRE IN THE RAIN DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY LOVE FOR YOU YET THIS IS DRAMATIC IRONY YOURE KILLING TIME IN THE BEST WAYS AND SOON ENOUGH IM BLEEDING OUT TO YOUR VOICE BOUNCING OFF THESE WALLS YOU ALWAYS PUT THE LAUGHTER IN MANSLAUGHTER [holyoak]

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Apr 27, 2015

Apr 27, 2015 at 2:29 PM UTC

i thought laughter was medicine, not a ****** weapon

A CRUISE SHIP STRANDED IN CITY STREETS A FIRETRUCK ON FIRE IN THE RAIN DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY LOVE FOR YOU YET THIS IS DRAMATIC IRONY YOURE KILLING TIME IN THE BEST WAYS AND SOON ENOUGH IM BLEEDING OUT TO YOUR VOICE BOUNCING OFF THESE WALLS YOU ALWAYS PUT THE LAUGHTER IN MANSLAUGHTER [holyoak]

16

an armageddon in a sundress a walking tsunami bent on whisking you up and slamming you down drowning you with every word that you wanted to hear shes a monsoon in the middle of july a dust storm clouding a freeway if my veins are rivers then she flooded them all my home was taken in the tornado that she was ripped from its foundation and later found wasted she decimated my mind with the hurricane she resembled and to tell the truth i guess ive always been a stormchaser ive always sought out the most dangerous situations and she was no different she left me in the street with no one around but she cant be blamed i asked for it [holyoak]

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Apr 25, 2015

Apr 25, 2015 at 1:04 AM UTC

i should start carrying an umbrella

an armageddon in a sundress a walking tsunami bent on whisking you up and slamming you down drowning you with every word that you wanted to hear shes a monsoon in the middle of july a dust storm clouding a freeway if my veins are rivers then she flooded them all my home was taken in the tornado that she was ripped from its foundation and later found wasted she decimated my mind with the hurricane she resembled and to tell the truth i guess ive always been a stormchaser ive always sought out the most dangerous situations and she was no different she left me in the street with no one around but she cant be blamed i asked for it [holyoak]

30

sycophantic poetry im only here to please you im only here to ease this starvation of attention my words are only hollow messengers that mean only that im devoted but when im gone who will turn you into the poetry that you dont understand [holyoak]

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Apr 23, 2015

Apr 23, 2015 at 3:44 PM UTC

letters & love notes

sycophantic poetry im only here to please you im only here to ease this starvation of attention my words are only hollow messengers that mean only that im devoted but when im gone who will turn you into the poetry that you dont understand [holyoak]

14

and then you come to realize that your porcelain bones can't take much more you're falling apart in her hands and she doesn't want to save you she'll drop you to the floor at the first sign of those spiderweb cracks fractured perfection mental misteps up the stairs as she loses balance while she carrys you porcelain bones and parchment skin how much more poetry can your body take [holyoak]

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Mar 29, 2015

Mar 29, 2015 at 8:18 PM UTC

Set Me On the Shelf, I'll Be Safer There

and then you come to realize that your porcelain bones can't take much more you're falling apart in her hands and she doesn't want to save you she'll drop you to the floor at the first sign of those spiderweb cracks fractured perfection mental misteps up the stairs as she loses balance while she carrys you porcelain bones and parchment skin how much more poetry can your body take [holyoak]

22

since you've been gone i've written a few poems & not a single one actually says what i want because i want to say i miss you & i want to say i need you & i want to say come back to me & you left the door wide open i thought it was a sign i thought it was some poetic way of saying you'd walk back in but now i realize you just didn't care enough to shut it & now i feel a draft a small cold wind whispering *"get up & change some things she left you for a reason"* & now i come to find that there were never enough ampersands to keep you & i together [holyoak]

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Dec 28, 2014

Dec 28, 2014 at 6:38 PM UTC

&

since you've been gone i've written a few poems & not a single one actually says what i want because i want to say i miss you & i want to say i need you & i want to say come back to me & you left the door wide open i thought it was a sign i thought it was some poetic way of saying you'd walk back in but now i realize you just didn't care enough to shut it & now i feel a draft a small cold wind whispering *"get up & change some things she left you for a reason"* & now i come to find that there were never enough ampersands to keep you & i together [holyoak]

25