I remember when I was young and I believed in the trees and all the things they’d sing to a sinner with open hands. My sorrows were built in the Eden of their glory, the leaves whispering verse of such uncharted sands.
These are the king of lands that swells but I shall never grow old in.
I think that the heart is too impatient now with time forsaking nature’s whimsical glance, why haven’t we the space to pray anymore? Why?
These questions grasp at me endlessly and yet the answers remain elusive still.
Old as the grave, I am now a wandering human. Yet, caught again between the trees. I carelessly step upon the branches of the things I once worshiped in state of my youth.
Jun 28, 2021
Jun 28, 2021 at 8:25 AM UTC
tremors are so embarrassing. normally I have to drink coffee with a straw because I can't hold the cup without spilling it, but my cousins didn't have a straw, so they gave me a spoon, BUT WHEN I PICK UP A TINY BIT OF COFFEE WITH A SPOON I STILL SHOOK SO HARD IT SPILLED. so I had to steal a straw from a capri sun but couldn't pick up the cup even drinking with a straw because my tremors were especially bad that day, so I sat on the floor and just. hovered over my coffee cup to drink it. one of my cousins said sorry for laughing and I was like no it's fine because it Truly is a laff living like this x
May 23, 2021
May 23, 2021 at 9:34 PM UTC
another morning
another chemical coating
another narcissistic lathering
soaping my hair, face, body
antiperspirant, lotion
sunscreen, hair gel, eye drops
toothpaste, mouthwash
there’s nothing real about me
I am fake, head to toe
plastics, aerosols, fragrances
trying to preserve the real real
or mask it or hide it or fix it
as the mirror snickers at me
in 2d flat-screen mockery
I’m a stranger, a hitchhiker in
a borrowed body, a rogue
uncovered, this facade
bared down to its natural
stench and style
is something unpublishable,
something never in vogue
May 23, 2021
May 23, 2021 at 8:15 AM UTC
another morning
another chemical coating
another narcissistic lathering
soaping my hair, face, body
antiperspirant, lotion
sunscreen, hair gel, eye drops
toothpaste, mouthwash
there’s nothing real about me
I am fake, head to toe
plastics, aerosols, fragrances
trying to preserve the real real
or mask it or hide it or fix it
as the mirror snickers at me
in 2d flat-screen mockery
I’m a stranger, a hitchhiker in
a borrowed body, a rogue
uncovered, this facade
bared down to its natural
stench and style
is something unpublishable,
something never in vogue
May 23, 2021
May 23, 2021 at 8:14 AM UTC
I open the room...
the door closes behind us,
her gentle hand in mine
pulls me closer, then releases
she whispers like we’re being
watched Take all of me
the darkness has her first
and then the predawn lights
that stream and sparkle over
her through the balcony glass
she whispers like our time
is short Take all of me
her body is smoke soft and
separating as I move into it,
she rolls and swirls and curls
below, beside and above me
she whispers like I haven’t
heard her Take all of me
the room is changing from
corner black and shadow gray
to sunrise saffron and coral,
our embrace dissipates cold
she whispers as she slowly
fades away Take, take... take
May 23, 2021
May 23, 2021 at 8:11 AM UTC
Days passed as years followed. Through all the seasons and memories deeply engraved in my heart, where I could recall every single details of your presence that had left long ago within my reach. Your scent still lingered around the room. Your touch imprinted on my skin as I could blindly draw every edges of your body. Your favourite playlist, your birthday, your dreams, I could still recite them on the tip of my tongue. It was rainy when the two drenched figures stood in tensed silence, exhaustion wearing them out.
You looked numb. I was annoyed. But, my arrogance messed up to apologize. We missed our late-night conversations about random topics, our sweet little comfortable silence, and the fiery touch of love.
My ambitious nature gradually distanced, failing to recognize your loneliness. Every normal small talk flipped into heated fights where it always ended up with one of us leaving the room. All the blame and stress toppled on the vulnerable abused heart of yours. It all piled up to the point, your eyes told the stories of pain and emotional drains.
Till the last minute, you were still willing to give us another chance, turning away, slowly dragging your body with heavy steps under the pouring rain. You were waiting… I knew… Yet, my feet were locked. I could still perfectly paint the gloomy back leaving out of my life.
Absent minded, my fingers traced along the letters of your name, mouthing along. The invitation was breathtakingly flawless, but your name was distracting. How I wished it was mine beside yours. How I wished to go back in time, pulling you in my embrace. How I wished to whisper my love into your ears, hugging you tight.
Then, there you were, on the aisle, waiting nervously for your stunning bride to graze together hand in hand for the rest of your life. You still have that habit of chewing your lips. I faintly smiled to myself in pride. The whole attention shifted as she entered the hall with elegance, but my eyes were on you the whole time. You were shining brightly with that charming radiant smile admiring her from the closing distance. You used to adorn me in the same way. So, she was the girl who treated you better like how you deserve to be the happiest man alive.
Tears began to well up. Yes, I ****** up. You brought your face closer and I braced myself to watch you capture her lips into a sweet kiss. A sharp pain pierced through my heart. It was getting suffocating. The crowd clapped and cheered while I stood with a straight face. Was it the result of karma? Tears trickled down my cheeks before I realize. Quickly wiping it away, I forced a smile clapping along. But, I never expected your widened eyes landing on me. Maybe, you weren’t anticipating my attendance. I smiled harder, congratulating him through my eyes. He mirrored the expression, then returning to gaze at his lovely wife. It could’ve been me. I had the chance, but I was the one to ruin it. No, this was meant to be. I would’ve never made him this blessed.
May 23, 2021
May 23, 2021 at 8:04 AM UTC
The saddest day in my life is today,
Skies gloomy and dark, whisking the grey
Its not really sad just somber,
I hate sobriety too!
--
Birds chirped in rows but forgot to change their feathers thereafter,
Pupils read and everyone sat silent yet talking in the midst.
--
I felt sad - just because.
A violet bag to my front and a bottle of stale water to my right.
--
I saw how my friends laugh at their jokes,
Jokes I found funny too,
Heard mine, as well, but only some laughed.
--
Then again, I’m not a comic,
I don’t live to tell the truth,
Hated the life I’m wrought into - with a price of sand.
--
Everything just piled up in me, and I collapsed,
The building that is mine, has become ash!
Sad that such olden design being faded,
Not even the villainous could ever redeem!
--
Try as I might - all's for naught,
Laughter and fun don't work anymore,
See myself as barrier and hinder
To everyone else's joy;
But then again, everyone's ***** and stone
Which is more rotten to the bone.
--
What is the price of happiness?!
I'd have shouted to the gods,
Queries unanswered and left to rot,
Yet has traded like the air.
--
The saddest part:
I never knew what caused such great sadness,
Maybe I've felt too empty like a juiceless coconut shell,
Lost of jewels and black pearls, maybe.
I could only hope for the better;
And if not - just some good weather
May 23, 2021
May 23, 2021 at 7:58 AM UTC
Let us eat
In splendor of life
Which you give me
By making me love thee
-
The sadness ripped
Up in the shreds
And joyful once more
-
Yuletide ne'er bring much
But thou presence sure
-
When you greet me
I smile
Like a child seeing new presents
And like ne'er before
-
Unresolved is some
My problems alone
You love me no
You do not
-
Please just love me
I beg you
I tear in knees
Please
-
In tears
I cry in sorrow
Slumber is the joy
And the living in me
Long dead so
-
I walk away
You do not chase
Nor do you call
You simply look
On and on
-
The accordions play
Romance in the fog
Dreary as a frog
Imaginary life
Like one midnight
In the city of lights
-
The snows trudges my boot
Both are wet
Frozen too
I tear little now
Merry kindred songs
While i am whisked away
-
Palms now sweating
Freezing by waist
Chained around
Like a serpent
-
Why does it begin
Ne'er the query
Always the end
But not the start
-
I enter the hole
That built for mine
The light turned on
And the place spotless
I silently sob
Whence I'm alone
Without them
Beside me
Where I want them
To be
May 23, 2021
May 23, 2021 at 7:53 AM UTC
I don't really want to die, I want things to get better. And I'm trying so hard to believe things could get better but I've been trying for like 8 years and I still want to die. I can't keep going like that, can't keep trying and trying for nothing. I am so tired. So if that's how everything's always gonna be I might as well give up.
May 22, 2021
May 22, 2021 at 7:22 PM UTC
Don’t get overly comfortable with the people you are forced to share spaces with, maintain a level distance and mystery about yourself around them. At work, school, or any other communal place, don’t overshare and get too cozy with people. Remain professional and adopt a specific character while you’re in those places. By not letting others get too comfortable around you you are protecting your most vulnerable side and others won’t know where to attack you from, don’t let others think they know you. You only see people’s faces, you don’t know their hearts and what their true colors are. Self-preservation is key not just for success but for basic survival.
May 19, 2021
May 19, 2021 at 9:37 AM UTC