We found out that we were pregnant with you on June 5, 2018 and that is when everything changed. Your daddy and I were so excited because we had been trying for over a year to start a family and we finally got our dream. We got you. We started thinking about names and how we would design your room. If you were a boy we were going to name you Parker Dylan we could not come up with a boy name just yet. I even bought you your first outfit because it was Spider-man and I am obsessed. We thought that everything was going okay and that you were healthy and doing just fine. Then on our eleven week check-up we were supposed to find out what you were if you were a boy or girl. The only thing we got to find out that day is that we lost you. You were no longer living inside me you had stopped growing at the eight to nine week mark and they were not sure why. Of course every mother who has or will ever go through this thinks that they did something wrong. They think what could I have done differently there must have been something wrong with me and that it is all my fault. But it is not your fault. I am slowly learning that. It has been one week and four days since I lost you. The worst part was there was no saving you and I did not get to hear your heartbeat for the last time. I am still recovering from the emotional pain this has brought me and I am still recovering from the physical pain this has brought me. The physical pain is brought on by the fact that I had to go through a procedure called a D&C which is the worst thing ever. Your daddy and I never thought that we would have to go through this we thought that we would just be able to bring you into this world without any complications but we were wrong. I am so sorry Baby C. We love you so much.
Aug 5, 2018
Aug 5, 2018 at 3:07 PM UTC
I feel so lost anymore
I don't want to feel this way
I sit here and cry for hours
And I never feel okay
I wish things were easier
And I didn't have this feeling of wanting to die
Would people even cry?
Would they'd even care if I wasn't here anymore? Or would their day just keep on going?
Ththey would probably be happy that they wouldn't have to deal with my breakdowns anymore
Or constantly checking on me because my lif is a mess and I want to hurt myself
If I were them I'd be happy, less stress and worries.
No one cares about the girl that is broken.
I know I don't.
Nov 24, 2016
Nov 24, 2016 at 2:16 AM UTC
I'm tired of giving my all in a relationship
I'm tired of being the one who cares more
I'm tired of always being the one who ends up hurt in the end
I'm tired of laying in my bed crying myself to sleep because "I'm not good enough"
I'm so ******* tired of falling for the wrong people
So tired of thinking that they care about me
So tired of thinking that they actually want me
Tired of believing all the lies they fill my head with
I'm so tired
I'm tired of feeling this way
Tired of not being good enough
Tired of being lied to
Tired of feeling like a piece of ****
Tired of not feeling pretty enough
I'm just tired.
Mar 26, 2016
Mar 26, 2016 at 10:29 PM UTC
Does anyone really know what the true meaning of happiness is?
Because I don't.
Sometimes I feel like I'm happy, but then that gets taken from me.
Almost like you get caught up in the moment and you can't see straight.
What does happiness mean?
Happiness is the state of being happy.
Gives you pleasure, makes you content, you are satisfied.
But why doesn't that happiness stay with you?
Why are you afraid to remain happy?
Is it because you know that someone will go wrong so you're scared?
Or is it because no matter what you do, you feel like you're not good enough?
Which is it?
Explore your happiness.
Get lost in the moment.
Don't take anything for granted.
Make memories.
Laugh until you cry.
Love with every inch of your body.
Be passionate about what makes you happy.
Don't give up on your dreams.
Be reckless.
Be free.
Just find your happiness.
No matter what.
Be happy.
Live your life to the fullest.
With no regrets or take backs.
Just be happy.
Feb 27, 2016
Feb 27, 2016 at 4:42 PM UTC
You fill your body until you can't anymore
You take one look in the mirror and you know what you have to do
You jump in the shower and turn on some music to deaden the sound of your sickness
You put your fingers down your throat and watch the evidence of your sickness go down the drain
You know you shouldn't be doing this, but you can't stop yourself from doing it
You feel so much better afterwards, so you keep the cycle going
You crawl into bed after you finish your shower
You close your eyes and try to go to sleep
You drift off for awhile until it is time to get rid of your sickness again
You tell yourself this time is the last time, even though you know that is a lie
You know you can't stop
You are sick, and you have to get rid of your sickness
You need help, but you can't tell anyone about your sickness or they will judge you
Your sickness has consumed your life now
You can't stop the sickness
Feb 23, 2016
Feb 23, 2016 at 9:51 AM UTC
All the things you said to me were a lie
You ****** around on me the whole time
You made me believe you cared
But all you did was play me
You told me you loved me
But all you did was lay me
You never really gave a **** about me
You told me I had nothing to worry about
You said I meant everything to you and that there was no one else
That's funny
Six months later and you were ******* someone else
You said it didn't mean anything
You thought I would never find out
You told me I was the one
You told me you wanted a future with me
You said you couldn't picture a life with anyone else
**** you
**** you and your stupid *** lies
**** you and all the ******** you put me through
**** you
You said you wanted to marry me
But look at you already engaged to the ***** you were ******* while you were with me
**** you for making me believe that you cared about me
**** you for making me think I was important
**** you for making me think that I was something special for once
You made me feel so safe and secure
But now all I can say is you're a piece of **** and I ******* despise you
Don't tell me you love me and then **** me over
Don't waste my time with your ******** lies
**** you
I hope you're happy
Enjoy your ****** up marriage
Enjoy the lies
**** you, ****
Jan 30, 2016
Jan 30, 2016 at 7:36 PM UTC
Finding you was the best thing that ever happened to me
You have showed me what it is like to have someone that actually cares about me
You guide me and encourage me to keep going and to succeed
Finding you was like finding a needle in a haystack
I don't know how to explain the way I feel about you
It is like something that I have never felt before
I can't stop smiling when I'm around you
You make me feel so comfortable when I'm around you
It's like I don't even have to try around you
I can be myself around you 100% and I have never felt that before
You make me laugh and smile
You make me happy and forget about my anxiety for a little bit
You talk me out of all my problems and tell me to take things day by day
You are there for me when I'm struggling and need someone to vent to
Finding you has changed my life for the best
Finding you has bettered me
I don't know what I would do without you in my life
Yes, things are complicated right now
But, everything comes so much easier when you are there
You make me see the good in myself
You keep me focused on my education
Finding you has kept me determined to get my teaching degree
I can't wait to graduate college and see you sitting there in the audience watching me walk across stage accepting my diploma
Finding you has made me who I am
Sep 7, 2015
Sep 7, 2015 at 7:10 PM UTC
When you were younger everyone asked you what you wanted to be when you grow up.
For most kids their answers were "Doctors, Astronauts, Firefighters, etc." things that the people asking knew they would never become.
But they just let them live the dream for awhile.
Then later on in life they get asked the same question once they were older.
The responses then were "I don't know." "How am I supposed to know?"
How do they except a reasonable answer when we aren't being taught the things we need to know in order for us to make decisions that could affect us for the rest of our lives?
In order for us to grow up we need to find our own paths and go down our own journey's.
We have to make mistakes and learn from them.
That is what growing up means.
Taking chances, making memories, and going after the things you believe in.
Jun 18, 2015
Jun 18, 2015 at 6:13 PM UTC
I want to know what it feels like to be loved
A kind of love that isn't forced
One that just comes natural
Something that makes you happy and have no worries
I want a kind of love that you see in the movies
A fairy tale type love
One that doesn't really exist
But everyone wishes it does
I want a love like the Notebook or any kind of Nicholas Sparks romance
I want a love that you are sitting on a porch in rocking chairs by the man that you grew old with
I want a love that lasts a lifetime
May 27, 2015
May 27, 2015 at 12:04 AM UTC
The feelings that I have for you won't seem to go away
I lay down and wish this thoughts away
I don't know how much more of this I can take
You tell me you miss me, then turn me away
How I am supposed to handle these feelings?
How am I supposed to live my life like this?
You say that you want me, but then you change your mind
You say that you are thankful for me, but then shut me out
These feelings I feel are so ******* real
I'm tired of these feelings
I'm tired of my feelings getting hurt
Feelings ****
I hate the way I feel for you
I hate that I go back to you, even when you ignore me for days
I don't understand why I still have feelings for you
When you really don't give a **** about me
**** feelings
May 26, 2015
May 26, 2015 at 11:32 PM UTC