happyhappyhappy - Hello Poetry

My sorrows. I'll write it all here. Hoping one of my friends would see this. Hoping I don't get drunk in emotions and spill out private information Here goes my story. Childhood. I was a fighter. I hit and kicked everyone when I got angry. I didn't know what was rude. I had hard times controlling my anger. Maybe if I did knew, it wouldn't be just me who was getting in all the trouble. I felt different. "Why couldn't I have self-control?" Older. When I came into this new country, I was excited. Although I wasn't old enough to understand how life would be like. I met people from my country here. I was happy we spoke the same language. But I was still a fighter. And then "that" happened. It happened in a continuing way. I was the first born. I had no siblings. Then when I was getting use to the new country, my mom was pregnant. We were of course happy. But before we could even know the baby's gender, it died. In her womb. Because it was too weak. I cried. So hard. Even now I tear up, thinking about it. Then later on when I got older, I was told my mom was pregnant 3 times after I was born, and they all died. So 4. 4 died. Few years later. She was again pregnant. And we were careful. Very careful. But it died. Then she was pregnant again. But this time, it lived. And it was born as my little brother. We were so happy. Then not just a few months ago, about in October, I was told my mom was pregnant. This time we were even more careful, because of the things in the past. But later the truth was told. My mom wasn't pregnant. For some reason, only the womb was formed, not the baby. And it wasn't anybody's fault. My mom was just those 100,00/1 rare moms who's womb was weak and unstable. That, was the first sorrow. This is the second sorrow Pre-teen. Maybe say about 3, 4, 5 grade. I loved playing and hanging around with my friends. I always begged my parents if I could go over to my friends house. I was happy. My best friends were the friends at church. I was best friends with 6 of them. JL, JK, DK, JB, JL, and JNL. We were from the same country. They were my life and soul. But we had to move to another church and I was depressed by the fact that I had to leave my friends. Luckily, there was JK, a boy from the church, and our family moved next to his. We hung out every time and enjoyed playing outside. But there was always a problem. He had to move back to the country where he was from. It was a country across the Pacific Ocean. I was depressed. Not that I had a crush on him or anything, but, we were great friends. After he left, I started hanging out with my friends at school. My best friend was T. She was smart and funny. We always talked about books we liked and drawings we drew. I was again happy. Then it was time to graduate. I was going to a middle school. But sadly, she had to go to a different middle school because of where she lived. Again I was depressed by the fact that another best friend had to move away. The thing is, I moved a lot. So I moved around schools a lot. 3 times already. It's hard getting use to school. Especially when someone asks me my race and sometime calls out the features of my face. I feel like a girl from another world. 2 years in this school, 2 years in that. Right when I get used to the school, right when I start to love my friends, I have to move. I felt horrible. Still, I couldn't stay sad. I started hanging out with JL, a girl from my previous church. She was hilarious and funny. She and her little sister, JNL, moved in to our church and we all played together. I was so happy. We had millions of sleepovers together and had so much fun. But she had to move away to Vancouver. For the 4th time, I was depressed. And this time I was depressed even more than the other times. I had to consider her the best friend I ever had. And she left. But there was one more church friend. DK and her little sister, JB. We rarely met each other the past few years, but my mom took me to a language school, and I met her there. Her little sister, JB, was the most hilarious person I've ever met. She goofed off in while the teacher was talking and set the whole class laughing. I hung out with them this time and really hoped they wouldn't leave. But in not even a year we were best friends, they had to leave to New Jersey. This time I wasn't as sad, because I could still text them, and I didn't want to be depressed, but I realized something. When ever I made a best friend, they would leave me. Not on purpose or anything, but they would leave to some where far away, making me miss them so bad. And I was done with this nonsense. The sorrows of church friends were done. These days I cling on to my friends at school. It's the most happiest time of my life. The friends are amazing. And there's this one girl, S, and she's amazing. Funny, cute, and shares the same fandom with me. I am happy. So happy. She's been my best friend so far. But the painful pattern continues. She told me, that after this semester, she will have to move away. Move away to another middle school. See? The pattern continues. Now I'm too scared to make a best friend, because I'm scared that they will move away. Disappear. And make me miserable then before. But don't worry..... there's one more friend.. one more hope.... It's a girl 1 years older than me. I'll call her P. She has an older sister, J. I hang out with them often. I mean, my friends at school are okay, but I have a feeling I'll have to move away again, so I try hang out with P and J often. I mean, they're cool! We draw comics and share them to each other, talk about the new show or whatever. But- there's always a "but." Always a problem at the end. So what do you think? Do you think the pattern will continue this time? Do you think that girl will leave me this time? Do you think she'll leave this time? Well... Let's see.....

0

Nov 30, 2023

Nov 30, 2023 at 10:18 PM UTC

My sorrows (Draft from 2017)

My sorrows. I'll write it all here. Hoping one of my friends would see this. Hoping I don't get drunk in emotions and spill out private information Here goes my story. Childhood. I was a fighter. I hit and kicked everyone when I got angry. I didn't know what was rude. I had hard times controlling my anger. Maybe if I did knew, it wouldn't be just me who was getting in all the trouble. I felt different. "Why couldn't I have self-control?" Older. When I came into this new country, I was excited. Although I wasn't old enough to understand how life would be like. I met people from my country here. I was happy we spoke the same language. But I was still a fighter. And then "that" happened. It happened in a continuing way. I was the first born. I had no siblings. Then when I was getting use to the new country, my mom was pregnant. We were of course happy. But before we could even know the baby's gender, it died. In her womb. Because it was too weak. I cried. So hard. Even now I tear up, thinking about it. Then later on when I got older, I was told my mom was pregnant 3 times after I was born, and they all died. So 4. 4 died. Few years later. She was again pregnant. And we were careful. Very careful. But it died. Then she was pregnant again. But this time, it lived. And it was born as my little brother. We were so happy. Then not just a few months ago, about in October, I was told my mom was pregnant. This time we were even more careful, because of the things in the past. But later the truth was told. My mom wasn't pregnant. For some reason, only the womb was formed, not the baby. And it wasn't anybody's fault. My mom was just those 100,00/1 rare moms who's womb was weak and unstable. That, was the first sorrow. This is the second sorrow Pre-teen. Maybe say about 3, 4, 5 grade. I loved playing and hanging around with my friends. I always begged my parents if I could go over to my friends house. I was happy. My best friends were the friends at church. I was best friends with 6 of them. JL, JK, DK, JB, JL, and JNL. We were from the same country. They were my life and soul. But we had to move to another church and I was depressed by the fact that I had to leave my friends. Luckily, there was JK, a boy from the church, and our family moved next to his. We hung out every time and enjoyed playing outside. But there was always a problem. He had to move back to the country where he was from. It was a country across the Pacific Ocean. I was depressed. Not that I had a crush on him or anything, but, we were great friends. After he left, I started hanging out with my friends at school. My best friend was T. She was smart and funny. We always talked about books we liked and drawings we drew. I was again happy. Then it was time to graduate. I was going to a middle school. But sadly, she had to go to a different middle school because of where she lived. Again I was depressed by the fact that another best friend had to move away. The thing is, I moved a lot. So I moved around schools a lot. 3 times already. It's hard getting use to school. Especially when someone asks me my race and sometime calls out the features of my face. I feel like a girl from another world. 2 years in this school, 2 years in that. Right when I get used to the school, right when I start to love my friends, I have to move. I felt horrible. Still, I couldn't stay sad. I started hanging out with JL, a girl from my previous church. She was hilarious and funny. She and her little sister, JNL, moved in to our church and we all played together. I was so happy. We had millions of sleepovers together and had so much fun. But she had to move away to Vancouver. For the 4th time, I was depressed. And this time I was depressed even more than the other times. I had to consider her the best friend I ever had. And she left. But there was one more church friend. DK and her little sister, JB. We rarely met each other the past few years, but my mom took me to a language school, and I met her there. Her little sister, JB, was the most hilarious person I've ever met. She goofed off in while the teacher was talking and set the whole class laughing. I hung out with them this time and really hoped they wouldn't leave. But in not even a year we were best friends, they had to leave to New Jersey. This time I wasn't as sad, because I could still text them, and I didn't want to be depressed, but I realized something. When ever I made a best friend, they would leave me. Not on purpose or anything, but they would leave to some where far away, making me miss them so bad. And I was done with this nonsense. The sorrows of church friends were done. These days I cling on to my friends at school. It's the most happiest time of my life. The friends are amazing. And there's this one girl, S, and she's amazing. Funny, cute, and shares the same fandom with me. I am happy. So happy. She's been my best friend so far. But the painful pattern continues. She told me, that after this semester, she will have to move away. Move away to another middle school. See? The pattern continues. Now I'm too scared to make a best friend, because I'm scared that they will move away. Disappear. And make me miserable then before. But don't worry..... there's one more friend.. one more hope.... It's a girl 1 years older than me. I'll call her P. She has an older sister, J. I hang out with them often. I mean, my friends at school are okay, but I have a feeling I'll have to move away again, so I try hang out with P and J often. I mean, they're cool! We draw comics and share them to each other, talk about the new show or whatever. But- there's always a "but." Always a problem at the end. So what do you think? Do you think the pattern will continue this time? Do you think that girl will leave me this time? Do you think she'll leave this time? Well... Let's see.....

14

I got hit with a metal broom stick. Twice. Getting hit for doing something wrong was a common thing in my family. Probably common in other houses, too. But that metal stick, **** I tell you Hurt like fire. The first time, I screamed at him. I called him a "gangster". Because that's what he looked like. Beating the **** out of me and my brother with a metal stick. That night my eyes wouldn't stop tearing up. The fact that I couldn't die was so depressing. I wanted to dissappear from this world so bad, but I knew I wasn't supposed to. That week my right shoulder turned green. The next week I got hit again. It hurt more. I remember trying to stop him when he brought out the stick. "Dad please don't do this. I admit that I was acting terrible, but this isn't right." I was trying to be confident, but at the same time I was pleading him to stop. Because I knew how much it hurt. But The next few minutes I was crouched against a wooden door, screaming "STOP! I'M SORRY! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!" (Side thought; maybe this is why I have a habit of blaming everything on me when there's a problem.) My left arm became swollen. My brother and I were forced in the backyard for 10 minutes. It was raining. And it was cold. So pathetic. Shivering and sobbing. Texting my friend with shaking fingers. "help" "help" "help" I knew I should've reached for help. I even got a contact for my church Pastor. Yet I hesitated and hesitated and wondered if I was being overdramatic. Time passed, then the chance that I was given was blown away. They've brainwashed me so bad. "It's all my fault. I deserved to be hit. I can't do anything. There's people who go through worse than this. This isn't abuse." This I don't know anymore I don't know anymore It's so funny how 2 days after that disaster we were laughing and playing sports in our backyard. Weird family. We always act like nothing happened. Last night, I had a dream that my dad was beating my back with a baseball bat. Is this okay? Is this right? Am I being traumatized? My heart thumps as I'm writing this. I still have a tiny green mark on my right arm, and my left arm is still bruised. I keep thinking that there are people out there who go through worse situations. They get abused for no reasons. And my brain keeps grabbing my neck squeezing it choking it slapping my face in the middle of the night screaming "If you didn't act immature, you wouldn't have been hit! YOU should act up- YOU DESERVE IT!" ah And that's the reason why I can't finished my homework right now. Wanna be friends?

0

Apr 4, 2020

Apr 4, 2020 at 9:03 PM UTC

Metal broom stick.

I got hit with a metal broom stick. Twice. Getting hit for doing something wrong was a common thing in my family. Probably common in other houses, too. But that metal stick, **** I tell you Hurt like fire. The first time, I screamed at him. I called him a "gangster". Because that's what he looked like. Beating the **** out of me and my brother with a metal stick. That night my eyes wouldn't stop tearing up. The fact that I couldn't die was so depressing. I wanted to dissappear from this world so bad, but I knew I wasn't supposed to. That week my right shoulder turned green. The next week I got hit again. It hurt more. I remember trying to stop him when he brought out the stick. "Dad please don't do this. I admit that I was acting terrible, but this isn't right." I was trying to be confident, but at the same time I was pleading him to stop. Because I knew how much it hurt. But The next few minutes I was crouched against a wooden door, screaming "STOP! I'M SORRY! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!" (Side thought; maybe this is why I have a habit of blaming everything on me when there's a problem.) My left arm became swollen. My brother and I were forced in the backyard for 10 minutes. It was raining. And it was cold. So pathetic. Shivering and sobbing. Texting my friend with shaking fingers. "help" "help" "help" I knew I should've reached for help. I even got a contact for my church Pastor. Yet I hesitated and hesitated and wondered if I was being overdramatic. Time passed, then the chance that I was given was blown away. They've brainwashed me so bad. "It's all my fault. I deserved to be hit. I can't do anything. There's people who go through worse than this. This isn't abuse." This I don't know anymore I don't know anymore It's so funny how 2 days after that disaster we were laughing and playing sports in our backyard. Weird family. We always act like nothing happened. Last night, I had a dream that my dad was beating my back with a baseball bat. Is this okay? Is this right? Am I being traumatized? My heart thumps as I'm writing this. I still have a tiny green mark on my right arm, and my left arm is still bruised. I keep thinking that there are people out there who go through worse situations. They get abused for no reasons. And my brain keeps grabbing my neck squeezing it choking it slapping my face in the middle of the night screaming "If you didn't act immature, you wouldn't have been hit! YOU should act up- YOU DESERVE IT!" ah And that's the reason why I can't finished my homework right now. Wanna be friends?

40

Follow me into the depths of horror but sweet at the same time Our blood casts a river; a route to our dreams and hops Failure is another word for another try The pain and emotion are the workers They build our roads for us Come follow me Step on your flesh Bite into it Cry Hope Your attempts and hardship is your road I am your friend to help you.

0

Feb 13, 2018

Feb 13, 2018 at 10:57 PM UTC

Follow

Follow me into the depths of horror but sweet at the same time Our blood casts a river; a route to our dreams and hops Failure is another word for another try The pain and emotion are the workers They build our roads for us Come follow me Step on your flesh Bite into it Cry Hope Your attempts and hardship is your road I am your friend to help you.

15

I read in a book It said "Always lower yourself." "Give up the good for others." "Lower yourself." I think I may have lowered myself too much.

0

May 21, 2017

May 21, 2017 at 8:34 PM UTC

Lower

I read in a book It said "Always lower yourself." "Give up the good for others." "Lower yourself." I think I may have lowered myself too much.

6

You know I wish I never knew you. I wish I never loved you. I wish I never saw you. Before, I thought it was okay to hurt myself. I said, "It's okay you can handle this." I tried to get used to the pain. But I realized After a several weeks, That handling was useless. You were too much pain for me. Hey, I'm sorry I was ever in your life. I'm sorry I ever urged my feet to go sit with you at lunch. I'm sorry I ever met you I'm sorry I I I'm sorry I loved you.

0

May 21, 2017

May 21, 2017 at 8:32 PM UTC

I

You know I wish I never knew you. I wish I never loved you. I wish I never saw you. Before, I thought it was okay to hurt myself. I said, "It's okay you can handle this." I tried to get used to the pain. But I realized After a several weeks, That handling was useless. You were too much pain for me. Hey, I'm sorry I was ever in your life. I'm sorry I ever urged my feet to go sit with you at lunch. I'm sorry I ever met you I'm sorry I I I'm sorry I loved you.

19

Sing to me oh so sweet one Sing a lullaby to my blinded ears Open your mouth Free the tones You have been saving for me. Oh so sweet one Sing me a song A song That will pull me into a deep deep deep sleep.

0

May 21, 2017

May 21, 2017 at 8:24 PM UTC

Song

Sing to me oh so sweet one Sing a lullaby to my blinded ears Open your mouth Free the tones You have been saving for me. Oh so sweet one Sing me a song A song That will pull me into a deep deep deep sleep.

12

To the humans of 2017, The date is January 5th, 3017. The empty roads fill with hover cars and the streets buzz with noise. It's a cold day. But everyone is warm. With their coat heaters, of course. Some people are even wearing t-shirts and shorts. The sky, blue and crystal, is overloaded with Flyers and Sky-Cars. People are roaming on the sky streets. They don't rush because they're late to work, they don't carry heavy suitcases- all they need is that one little wristband on their right forearm. Humans are perfect now. None is stronger than other, none is more handsome then other, none is more smarter than other. They share the same amount of money. Everybody is equal. This is the Happy City. Not a single fight has happened. Everyone is kind. They do not lie, thief, fight, or **** Not even one commotion happens. Everything is perfect. Equal. Even. But that's not what I think. Humans shouldn't be perfect. We shouldn't have been. Humans are a creature that thinks, fights, sacrifice, lie, trust, betray, and make choices. That's what humans are like. That's what they're suppose to be. That disgusting red wristband makes the decision for us. Or at least, them. It tells them what to wear, eat, do, and even decides your mate. We are not humans anymore. We are not perfect. These people here are so simple. There is no lesson learned, no school or government. Everybody just has a joyful life. But no! I disagree! We humans should learn lessons, decide good and evil- we must make mistakes! We also must be evil sometimes! That is what makes us human. Those are our characteristics that prove us human. Dear fellows, it is hell here. We are not humans anymore. We have become slaves of perfection. Save me. And these humans that are not humans anymore.

0

May 21, 2017

May 21, 2017 at 8:14 PM UTC

To The Humans Of 2017

To the humans of 2017, The date is January 5th, 3017. The empty roads fill with hover cars and the streets buzz with noise. It's a cold day. But everyone is warm. With their coat heaters, of course. Some people are even wearing t-shirts and shorts. The sky, blue and crystal, is overloaded with Flyers and Sky-Cars. People are roaming on the sky streets. They don't rush because they're late to work, they don't carry heavy suitcases- all they need is that one little wristband on their right forearm. Humans are perfect now. None is stronger than other, none is more handsome then other, none is more smarter than other. They share the same amount of money. Everybody is equal. This is the Happy City. Not a single fight has happened. Everyone is kind. They do not lie, thief, fight, or **** Not even one commotion happens. Everything is perfect. Equal. Even. But that's not what I think. Humans shouldn't be perfect. We shouldn't have been. Humans are a creature that thinks, fights, sacrifice, lie, trust, betray, and make choices. That's what humans are like. That's what they're suppose to be. That disgusting red wristband makes the decision for us. Or at least, them. It tells them what to wear, eat, do, and even decides your mate. We are not humans anymore. We are not perfect. These people here are so simple. There is no lesson learned, no school or government. Everybody just has a joyful life. But no! I disagree! We humans should learn lessons, decide good and evil- we must make mistakes! We also must be evil sometimes! That is what makes us human. Those are our characteristics that prove us human. Dear fellows, it is hell here. We are not humans anymore. We have become slaves of perfection. Save me. And these humans that are not humans anymore.

22

tick tock tick tock Time goes flying by What is this emotion? Do I want to stop it? Do I want to let it go? Mixed emotions fill my empty brain. tick tock tick tock 17 16 15 14 13 12 12? Already? Am I relieved? Or am I sad? Have I gone crazy? Why does the clock spin so fast? My eyes swirl against the misty air They dart around as if wishing they could stop time, which is impossible. "Help" "Save me" I don't seems to understand.

0

May 21, 2017

May 21, 2017 at 6:33 PM UTC

Time

tick tock tick tock Time goes flying by What is this emotion? Do I want to stop it? Do I want to let it go? Mixed emotions fill my empty brain. tick tock tick tock 17 16 15 14 13 12 12? Already? Am I relieved? Or am I sad? Have I gone crazy? Why does the clock spin so fast? My eyes swirl against the misty air They dart around as if wishing they could stop time, which is impossible. "Help" "Save me" I don't seems to understand.

20

Beware humans, you remember that you have a limit. Beware you foolish humans, you are crossing a line. Beware idiot humans, for the shiver up your spine. I see the ones who cross the line of human I see the ones who push themselves to inhuman You! You humans, are you giving me a threat? I foreshadow your dooms, the money you bet No creature has gone this far! Aren't you afraid? Can't you see the destruction you already raid? Beware! None is perfect! Be the way you are Press to your skins and feel! The proud white scars Enough is enough! Now beware you foolish! Mountains are crumbling, mammals look ghoulish. Beware you humans, I will repeat! Until you sob in rubble of the broken streets. Beware! The perfects who represent your knifes. You use your brains to spoil your lifes. Don't you growl at me, you terrible creatures! You have no one to blame for they are your features! Beware you humans- I repeat, beware! Last time I tell you, no mercy no care!

0

May 21, 2017

May 21, 2017 at 6:26 PM UTC

Beware You Humans!

Beware humans, you remember that you have a limit. Beware you foolish humans, you are crossing a line. Beware idiot humans, for the shiver up your spine. I see the ones who cross the line of human I see the ones who push themselves to inhuman You! You humans, are you giving me a threat? I foreshadow your dooms, the money you bet No creature has gone this far! Aren't you afraid? Can't you see the destruction you already raid? Beware! None is perfect! Be the way you are Press to your skins and feel! The proud white scars Enough is enough! Now beware you foolish! Mountains are crumbling, mammals look ghoulish. Beware you humans, I will repeat! Until you sob in rubble of the broken streets. Beware! The perfects who represent your knifes. You use your brains to spoil your lifes. Don't you growl at me, you terrible creatures! You have no one to blame for they are your features! Beware you humans- I repeat, beware! Last time I tell you, no mercy no care!

22

I hate this. I hate everything. I hate that ideas are leaking out of my brain, I hate that I'm becoming more dumber each second. Is that even a word? I hate that annoying mouth of mine. I hate it when I spit out a word and I immediately regret it. I hate it when my emotions take over, and make me drunk of them. I hate it when anger and sadness fight to take over my brain. I hate it when I can't express my feelings. I hate that I can't explain. I hate that I regret. I hate randomness. I hate that that site won't let me write stories because my email is wrong or something. I hate that my friend is salty. I hate that my life isn't going the way I want it to. I hate that no one cares for me. I hate that they lie. But then again, what can I do? This is life, And I must learn to love it.

0

May 17, 2017

May 17, 2017 at 9:25 PM UTC

I hate this

I hate this. I hate everything. I hate that ideas are leaking out of my brain, I hate that I'm becoming more dumber each second. Is that even a word? I hate that annoying mouth of mine. I hate it when I spit out a word and I immediately regret it. I hate it when my emotions take over, and make me drunk of them. I hate it when anger and sadness fight to take over my brain. I hate it when I can't express my feelings. I hate that I can't explain. I hate that I regret. I hate randomness. I hate that that site won't let me write stories because my email is wrong or something. I hate that my friend is salty. I hate that my life isn't going the way I want it to. I hate that no one cares for me. I hate that they lie. But then again, what can I do? This is life, And I must learn to love it.

9