I want to open up my mind
Dig in and pull it all apart
Spread it out on a table
And marvel at all the thoughts
Sep 28, 2011
Sep 28, 2011 at 3:20 PM UTC
Why do we have to grow up?
Why can’t we be like Peter Pan?
Grown ups lack creativity and imagination
They see blankets and pillows
While kids see forts, fights, and fun
They don’t understand
The joy of running through the sprinklers
Or why **** noises are so hilarious
They stress over everything
And are unable to be carefree
So why grow up?
I really don’t want to
And see no reason to
Unfortunately as I age it gets harder and harder
As I’m given more responsibilities
I have less time for blanket forts and sprinklers
But I’ll never grow up
Never
Jul 17, 2011
Jul 17, 2011 at 5:23 PM UTC
A classmate exclaimed
As Mrs. Ragan shoved
An Aladdin mug
In my face as I
Gained consciousness
During sixth grade
Art class
My first seizure
The depression started
Soon after
10mg of lexapro
Five thereapists
Three neurologists
Doctors ****
Middle school was
A Deep Dark
Dooming Depression
I had no friends
I hated everyone
And everything
But mostly
I hated myself
Wishing I had drowned
Or never woke up from
My first seizure
Jul 17, 2011
Jul 17, 2011 at 5:20 PM UTC
When I was three
My mom woke up
In the middle of the night
To me crying profusely
In my bathroom.
She freaked out and ran in,
Thinking I was terribly hurt.
“What’s wrong, hunny?!”
I sat on the sink counter
And turned my face from the mirror
To face her, wiping
The tears with my shirtsleeve
“Nothing,” I smile
“Just practicing my fake crying”
Jul 17, 2011
Jul 17, 2011 at 5:18 PM UTC
My Room has orange peels
from last week. Clothing
is piled on my chair.
The cupcake pan from
Lizzie’s birthday is balancing
between my makeup bag
and almost empty shower
supplies. Shirts are piled
atop my book shelf. There
simply isn’t room in the
drawers. The walls are
covered with posters,
pictures, and letters. Scarves
hang on the door and
my computer plays Van
Morrison. I sit in my
turquoise bed in an old
t-shirt and purple *******
writing poems.
Jul 17, 2011
Jul 17, 2011 at 5:16 PM UTC
I want love notes
I want big hands to fit in mine
I want our bodies to fit within one another like a puzzle
I want to know your fears
I want adventures
I want you to hold on to me and promise me that everything will be ok
I want sunsets and sunrises with me in your arms
I want to steal your gaze
I want to rant about my ****** or amazing day
I want breakfast for dinner
I want piggyback rides
I want shared hopes and dreams and aspirations
I want to be perfectly comfortable just sitting together with no need for words
I want music
I want picnics
I want them to be jealous of what we have
I want curled toes
I want laughter
I want you
Jul 17, 2011
Jul 17, 2011 at 5:14 PM UTC
I love to people watch
Imagining their lives and personalities
Inventing relationships
Creating their futures
I’m amused by the fact that
They don’t know I’m watching
They entertain and inspire me
While I sit up here unnoticed
Jul 17, 2011
Jul 17, 2011 at 5:10 PM UTC
I cover it up
I don't allow
Them to see
Me like this
Weak
Powerless
Hurting
I don't want
The meds
Or
The doctors
Or
The ********
I want to
Face it
Then bury it
Remaining positive
Praying it doesn't
Surface again
They'll never know
How it affects me
How it never went away
How I will always be
Depressed
Jul 13, 2011
Jul 13, 2011 at 5:37 PM UTC
My pain drenches me
I try my best to wring it all out
But I somehow remain damp
Jul 13, 2011
Jul 13, 2011 at 5:09 PM UTC
Yellow walls surround me as I
Crouch into fetal position
With my back against the toilet
My mother banging on the door
Yelling begging me to open
I drown her out with my sobbing
I was clinically depressed
But this was my first thought about
Suicide
I wanted to **** myself but
I was scared and didn’t know how
Instead I cried myself to sleep
With disappointment in myself
Sobbing within those yellow walls
Jul 13, 2011
Jul 13, 2011 at 4:12 PM UTC