It all happened so fast that I almost didn't realize what you did to me.
That you ***** me.
After you left I tried to convince my self that it could NOT have been ****
Right?
But then I realized that I felt NOTHING.
I did say NO right?
Twice.
Twice I said NO.
You didn't care.
I am without feeling now.
Void of ALL emotion.
And yet I still feel as if it is
MY FAULT.
Jun 20, 2019
Jun 20, 2019 at 6:49 PM UTC
red lipstick and
tight lipped smile
golden curls cascading
it is all a lie because
inside mascara is running
hair a tangled mess and
lips let out a cry
this is the broken child inside
huddled in the corner
cracked and bruised
left broken
by the monsters from before
But the curtain is drawn
the stage is set
society the director and
there is a part to play
rehearsed lines and
perfectly blocked scenes
face illuminated by make-up
it is just a facade and
the world is the stage
when the lights go out
smile fades and
make-up drips
from her face made of wax
the stage lights too hot
to maintain a perfect mold
that was set out for this part that she plays.
Jun 3, 2017
Jun 3, 2017 at 5:46 PM UTC
What is WRONG with you?
What is wrong with YOU?
Because all I see that you do
Is lay around in your room and
Chew on your nails,
I mean Haley no wonder you always fail
At everything that you do.
It is because your head is not quite
******* on right.
You are overweight
And always late
I can see now why you can’t get a date.
And you always complain
And it makes me feel as if you are the bane
Of my existence.
But look at my life,
Let me tell you about why I regret being your mom
Or about the life I could have had,
It is just too bad.
You are not enough Haley.
You can’t write Haley,
You lack the talent and the creativity,
I have told you this already.
You should have been ready to
Hear that again.
Just be like me.
When I was your age I weighed less than what you do now.
You are just not enough Haley.
Go put your face on and
Do your hair,
But don’t look like you are trying too hard,
Make it look natural I mean,
I just don’t want anyone to think that my daughter is a *****
And if you are,
I mean it’s not my business unlike everything else you do,
But if you are a *****
Just remember what you future now has in store.
You will soon become a bore
To all the men who leave you on the floor,
But just remember,
I told you so Haley.
Why can’t you be what I want you to be?
You disappoint me Haley
Because you can’t seem to act like a lady
And you are just so incredibly lazy.
You leave your **** on your unmade bed
When you should have put it up instead
You sleep too much
And please stop using your **** as your crutch,
Just get over it.
There is nothing wrong with you Haley
Other than your complete lack of perfection.
You are always feeling sad,
That is just too bad.
Just be like me Haley.
I am perfect.
Why can’t you be perfect Haley?
Don’t you know how much we love you?
I say this because I love you Haley.
Be perfect Haley.
Be enough Haley.
Just be me Haley.
Jun 3, 2017
Jun 3, 2017 at 5:42 PM UTC
“Eat it”
That is what her mind tells her,
So she does.
One cupcake
Two cupcakes
Three cupcakes
Four,
“How many can you eat
Before you get sick on the floor?”
Five cupcakes
Six cupcakes
Seven cupcakes
Eight
“Keep eating like this
And you will never get a date!”
Gulping down water
Drowning her chocolaty binge,
Filling the spaces in her stomach
With a fast traveling liquid…
Easy to purge.
A finger down her throat
One gag
Two gags
Three gags
Four
“I bet you won’t eat anymore.”
Five gags
Six gags
Seven gags
Eight
Tears are now streaming down her face
She leaves her chocolate sins
In the eager toilet bowl.
“I bet you want this to end”
Mascara dripping from her
Red rimmed eyes
She wipes her mouth
With the back of her hand
They tell her when
She feels this need,
“Just breather”
“Count to ten”
But she just wonders when
She’ll get the urge
To binge and purge again.
Feb 3, 2017
Feb 3, 2017 at 2:45 PM UTC
People ask "How are you?"
but they just want to hear
one, superficial answer
"I'm good!"
They don't really want
to know the real answer.
You tell them
"I'm fine"
but you want them
to ask
"No, how are you really?"
You want them to really care
so that you can give them
the truth.
You want them to say
"I want to know how you are doing inside"
so that you can tell them more than
a one word answer.
You want them to be genuinely concerned about
your feelings,
to see through your lies of
"I'm great!"
so that you can say
"I'm not ok. I am tired. I'm dying to cry and scream and curse. Thank you for asking"
because you really just want
someone to care enough to ask
"How are you?"
Oct 31, 2016
Oct 31, 2016 at 2:08 PM UTC
I have tried to feel better
I am constantly trying, but I am not doing it for me.
No, I am doing it for you and everyone else.
I just simply don’t care anymore.
No matter how hard I try, I never seem to be enough for you and that breaks my heart,
It breaks it over and over again.
All that is left of it is the tiny broken pieces held together with tape and band aids.
But you don’t care.
The only thing you care about is if I am making you look good.
I was always to overweight for you,
Never pretty enough for you,
Never as “put together as you”.
When I was dying on the inside, you didn’t care,
You were more worried about the money that I was costing you.
I have tried to feel better, to be better.
Better for you,
Hoping that one day I will be enough.
Enough for you.
Oct 6, 2016
Oct 6, 2016 at 11:31 PM UTC
Thank you.
Not for what you did to me. But for opening my eyes to the real dangers of this world. People like. YOU.
I am Not saying that I was innocent before, but THAT was one thing I wanted to save.
Thank you.
Not for taking my virginty in the most cruel way possible. But for letting me know that I am alone. That no matter how much I want to scream and cry I can't because I am numb.
Thank you.
Not for holding me down. But for making me feel worthless and tainted. Because of you I am scared to tell my family. What is they are dissapointed in me?
Thank you. And I say this with all the sarcasm I have in my being, because really the only thing good you did for me...wait...there was nothing.
So on second thought...
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 12:11 AM UTC