i'm not sure what to do with all the distance
it's been months that have felt like years
i can remember when you came into my life in the winter
and I can remember when you left in the summer
arrival and departure
the distinct difference between the two
i'm only at the thin line of division
the way my emotions don't add up
like miscalculated algebra
all to your advantage
i kept your love letter
the letter where you plagiarized a novel
because i wasn't good enough for your own words
that was my only closure
i wanted desperately to burn the stuffed bears from the carnival
i could only part with one
when i hold it close to me
i feel like how a child would
expecting prizes only in fabric and cotton stuffing
not words of affirmation or love
i almost drove by your house
but i knew i would only go mad thinking
of who has been touching your new furniture that i helped pick out
leaving their fingerprints in place of mine
i miss my t-shirts that you still have
i hope when and if you wear them
you can feel me close
my heart beating where yours is
sometimes i feel like i miss you enough for you to show up
as if my pain could teleport
the craving of a complete closure
one where i don't need liquor or a lighter
others bring up your name
as if i'm not in the process of misplacing the letters
or dismissing the syllables
i've been trying to forget your face
your face of sharp bones
flaring nostrils
and nostalgic lips
i've been trying to imagine if that night would have never happened
when that veteran couldn't take himself anymore
he chose you to be his last interaction
it was all in hints
he was screaming for help without making a sound
how were we supposed to know
i still wonder where that blue jay is that he buried behind the building
i just couldn't bare to see it
now i wish i made a map
X marks the spot where our love died
i remember when you had to bury your own blue jay
you never saw it coming
you took the wrong step and it was under your foot
just like he said his bluejay was
fidgeting and fighting for life
i'd like to think it was a sign from him
to let you know it's possible to move on and forward
so you did
you moved on to scabbed skin and worn-out lungs
i moved on to scholarly headaches and false pretenses
back then i could never fathom my days without you
now i find it difficult to recall how we were
it feels like our romance was a dream
because it only felt real when i was asleep
Dec 27, 2018
Dec 27, 2018 at 1:05 AM UTC
This is going to end so badly, I can just taste it when I kiss her.
May 4, 2017
May 4, 2017 at 11:01 AM UTC
how I can be ****** back in
to the old ways of abuse
when I know nothing good will come
from you
from me
from both of us
yet I feel the sparkling fire that burns
and it only burns for you
I need you to blow it out
extinguish my flame
before it sets my whole body on fire
then there will be nothing left to do
but follow you
I need you more than I thought I did or didn't
when I tell you I love you
you tell me you like being with me
nothing will ever add up
but everything will subtract
I have thought I reached the end plenty
somehow you reel me back into your grasp
your warm embrace filled with connectivity
as if our hearts are hugging
not our bodies
Nov 19, 2016
Nov 19, 2016 at 12:35 AM UTC
the feeling you get when you finally find a parking space but forget change for the meter.
the frustration.
the desperation.
the feeling you get when someone brings up a name you were trying so hard to forget.
the nostalgia.
the familiar lonely ache.
the feeling of being stuck in bed with the flu.
the hopelessness.
the craving of sweet relief.
the feeling of missing someone and wishing for them to surprise you at home.
the longing.
the worthlessness.
they will never show up.
at least not at the right time.
the feeling of change.
leaving and going.
departure and arrival.
the distinct difference between the two.
you are merely at the line of division.
the feeling of getting closure.
the final thoughts.
the misconstrued thoughts.
the war in your head.
the way the emotions don't add up.
they don't subtract either.
only multiply.
the feeling of being stuck in purgatory.
yet here you are.
somehow still tangible for people to touch.
to throw away.
to destruct.
the feeling of loving.
the feeling of losing.
the misconceptions of both.
the basic rules they break.
how everything is unjust,
all you see are excuses.
how someone can string you along,
only needing you for comfort.
how it can be unknown.
the feeling of not being able to let it go,
or even to let it be.
being lonesome around others.
how pathetic you feel.
the way people glare at you.
how they don't actually see you.
you feel ghostly,
and ended up being so.
decisions you are not allowed to make,
according to your own self.
how no matter how much you unleash with tears,
there's still more.
Jul 27, 2016
Jul 27, 2016 at 8:51 PM UTC
i'm the man drinking coffee alone at the diner who kindly asks you for the time. you reply but you don't even look at me in my eyes.
i'm the lone deer you hit while driving at 3am. you don't even stop the car. you even forgot about it the next day.
i'm the homeless cat you stopped feeding at night. i still meow at your doorstep. you just ignore it.
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 12:12 AM UTC
you said you can read me like a book
but you won't tell me what my pages say, or how many there are,
what my chapters are titled, if they even are titled
i want to know
who my introduction mentions,
what my author's note says,
and who helped me with the theme
but honestly, please
at least tell me about the chapter where you appear
just let me know if it ends well
Apr 2, 2016
Apr 2, 2016 at 10:12 PM UTC
who the hell are you?
how did you appear in my life,
and sweep me away with your inviting eyes
fed me pleasure and warmth
left me high and dry,
puzzled and craving more
of your attention and gaze
your laugh to be directed to me
maybe you could put your hands on my waist again
or around my neck
it feels brand new to me and i'm sorry,
that i almost back away each time
this is probably all my fault
i question if i'm the confusing one
or if he is
but i'd put money on him in a heartbeat
Mar 16, 2016
Mar 16, 2016 at 3:33 AM UTC
my friends say it's pointless to cry over
that i'm better than that
**** him"
i just hate this so much
these tears,
so called "pointless"
are present and
undoubtedly existing
i know i'm not too high to mistake
i rub my eyes
i taste my fingers
i know they're real
i'm still fighting it
because i'm "better than that"
but these tears,
they sting
they burn on my cheeks
have i fought it for so long?
but i saw you
with her
and you saw me
then you grabbed her hand
just to let me know
and trust me,
i know
my dad tells me not to regret anything
not to regret the money i spent,
the time i spent,
the love i spent on someone
so foolish
he tells me it's just a lesson
and i'll learn many more
i know i gotta be prepared
i feel like i should be
but i think i'm not
i regret ever telling you everything
i regret my words to you
i regret my hands and how they know you so well
i can still feel you
my hands won't let me forget
your smell is memorized
your laugh is memorized
you're still there, right?
god, i just hope you know
i hope you know she doesn't compare
i could elaborate but i think that says enough
we're all in denial, aren't we?
this is where i say **** him", right?
Feb 28, 2016
Feb 28, 2016 at 11:17 PM UTC
completely addicted to you
and the way your lips fit mine perfectly and effortlessly
how your smile makes my heart melt and shatter
the softness of your skin
paired with your warm scent
i can't even fathom how someone
can be so intoxicating
but here you are
doing exactly so
and i think it's incredible
how i would choose you
over anyone else
the only words i could use
to tell you how i feel
would be "i love you"
Dec 28, 2015
Dec 28, 2015 at 6:42 PM UTC
what is it called when you need constant reassurance of your importance?
what is it called when you require frequent contact and kisses to feel wanted?
or when you feel like you don't matter at all to the person who matters to you.
what is it called?
cause i cannot find any appropriate words to describe how i feel.
how i am intensely pathetic and miserable both with and without you.
what even does that mean?
i'm nervous for the fallout
for the day you look into me and say
that you no longer love me.
i feel it coming
i sense it with my whole being
i can already feel you leaving me;
how my chest caves in
my knees grow weak
and my cries go unnoticed
but you still walk away
until then you just turn your head.
Dec 19, 2015
Dec 19, 2015 at 12:19 AM UTC