today I found out
what you were up to last night
when its worded like that it sounds bad
you didn't do anything wrong
as far as I know
today I found out
you were with some guys from my school
but you didn't tell me last night
when I asked you,
“what’s up”
one of those guys texted me this morning
he said,
“hey I hung with your boy last night”
I laughed because he recognized you
he recognized you as mine
I wonder if anyone else did too
today I found out
and it was in this moment I realized
you don’t really feel like mine
anymore
Feb 1, 2015
Feb 1, 2015 at 6:25 PM UTC
you tell me about the other girls
I pretend I don't care
they've been in your bedroom
they've even touched your hair
every time I see your smile
I think ab the other girls
who've made you smile
for reasons I have no clue
the girls who kissed your lips
and some other places too
these other girls all broke your heart
it breaks my heart
just to know you felt pain
these other girls cheated on you
kissed other boy's lips and
some other places too
I had a dream
I kissed
another boy's lips
some other places too
last night
I'm afraid I'm becoming one of
the other girls
it hurts me to hurt you
yet
I had this dream
of another boy's hair
in another boy's bed
last night
what if I become these other girls
these pretty girls
these girls who broke your heart
these girls whose names still hurt
even
last night
it should come as no surprise
I'm scared of pretty girls
the other girls
ya they scare me too
Nov 9, 2014
Nov 9, 2014 at 10:13 AM UTC
my 14 year old
younger sister
comes to me
asking for advice about
boys
i'm flattered she thinks
i understand anything about
boys
does she think
my late drunk nights
dancing
kissing
touching
boys
in stranger's homes
makes me an expert
does she think
my long afternoons
chilling
smoking
driving around town with
boys
means I comprehend how to keep a relationship
does she think
being dropped off
at home
by some of the
boys
a little too late
a little too early
elucidates my ability to understand
boys
I'm sorry
little sister
but I don't understand
boys
anymore than you.
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 6:32 PM UTC
you're nervous
'take a drink, it'll calm you down'
you're nervous
'here, take a hit, a little **** will do ya good'
you're nervous
'come sit next to me, I'll make sure nothing bad happens to you'
now you're drunk
now you're baked
now you're being touched, felt, caressed
but it doesn't matter.
you're no longer nervous.
you can't feel.
you don't care.
you're exactly what they want you to be
no longer timid
no longer shy
no longer nervous
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 5:11 PM UTC
Some say it's love
that when someone cares more
for another than themselves
it must be love.
I told myself I loved you.
I put myself in harms way for you
because your needs mattered most
What you wanted, I must give
What you desired, is my duty to fulfill
It wasn't until you asked me to leave
go away
simply disappear
that I knew it wasn't love.
I was never in love.
Love is a word reserved for the lucky, the few
never in love, but addicted
I craved your attention,
whatever glances you deemed me worthy
I ached for your touch,
your fingers pressed so roughly against my thighs
those lips.
well those lips were my own special line of ecstasy
they never failed to hit me hard and fast
my body went through all the typical signs of withdrawal
I trembled as our memories replayed in my mind
I laid restless because I still smelled you upon my sheets
my heart races, failing to catch up with yours,
failing to see that's its already lost
I know I'm addicted
yet I can't find it in me to care
they say I'm a user
abusing the substance
addicted to the pain
but how can I let it go
when it's the only source of feeling I have left.
I'm pathetically addicted
suffering of
you
us
to what could never be.
g.a
May 29, 2014
May 29, 2014 at 10:18 PM UTC
i used to want you to know
how i got rid of my frustration
to deal with my issues
to get rid of the pain
i used to want you to know
that all of your temporary words
found themselves permanent on my flesh
that all your careless actions
led to careful precision
with a blade on my chest
one day i was reckless
didn't care to hide it
that day you saw it
you didn't even mind it
i used to want you to know
i used to want a reaction
now that you know
i realize i expected too much
because in truth you hardly even looked twice
g.a
May 29, 2014
May 29, 2014 at 9:44 PM UTC