...maybe i'm done trying
maybe i'm the only one who's left fighting
fighting be loved
fighting to be someone
in
your life.
maybe it's time
to face the
truth
that i'll never be
enough
for
you.
maybe
you find more
consolation
comfort
in your media,
friends
...in those
who
have
everything
i
don't.
maybe
it's time
i face
the fact that
i will never enter
your world.
maybe it's time
i gave up on me
just as you have.
maybe it is time.
i will never
be her.
i will never
understand
and maybe
it's because
i was
never
given
the chance.
maybe you have fallen in love
with the person you wish me to be
maybe who i am
is not who you want to love.
maybe the thought of this being true
terrifies you the most
throws you off your feet
and the fear of the unknown
has you gripped on to my heart
wishing on stars
i will become
who you need.
Dec 6, 2013
Dec 6, 2013 at 4:02 AM UTC
broken promises
empty words
beautiful and luring
yet
deceiving
oh how you lie
you know the sweetest words
and they ****
fill my heart and body with senseless hope
uplift me to the moon
to come crashing down
death sweep over me soon
what is the point?
what is the point of having loved you?
what's the point of a beautiful lie?
i am your marionette
control my dance
i never stood a chance
i'm a fool for your love
i am a prisoner of your heart,
you stole everything i ever dreamed of
Dec 3, 2013
Dec 3, 2013 at 10:30 PM UTC
useless
and worthless
that's how you make me feel
this is all too real
forlorn
empty and torn
claiming to love me, you left me
sinking at the bottom of the sea
turn blue and black
hurt me and i come running back
i should run the opposite way
but you know i will stay.
you can't fix what is broken
with these words left unspoken.
Nov 10, 2013
Nov 10, 2013 at 12:53 AM UTC
you
and
i
had a love
so pure
love
in it's purest form
innocent
and
fragile
can you blame me
for never being able
to stop loving you?
my mind says
he'll leave again
don't believe him
forget him
but my heart
yearns for him
holds on to the hope
that tears at me every day
how i wish i could forget you
i wish i didn't still love you
i wish my heart didn't skip a beat
every time i hear your voice or see your face
i wish i didn't love you so endlessly.
you, it's always been you.
Nov 10, 2013
Nov 10, 2013 at 12:48 AM UTC
all my life
i recall
feeling, not hearing
feeling this voice say
i wasn't meant to be here
feeling this voice say
you won't make it past 18
feeling this voice say
you're not worth much
september
seasons change, leaves fall
i knew i wasn't worth anything
tossed away like a filthy rag
ravaged like a slaughtered pig
i knew.
only to hear in familiar voices
the same
only to see in familiar faces
the disgust of my presence
how i ached to
strip the skin
that held each ***** in its place
how i lusted after
the obliteration of my being
how i desired
for someone to take this life
that wasn't worth living
may
flowers bloom and i wilted
i cried in the wake of my 18th birthday
for many years
i prayed that life
would cut my breath short in my sleep
i was not meant to be here
i wanted to die
i wished and prayed someone
would ****** me
**** me
stop this heart from beating
because my body and soul
ached with every heartbeat
how could a heart continue beating
after being shattered?
how could a heart pound underneath my chest
after such circumstances?
life isn't kind
life isn't fair
he is gone
and i am here
your smile lit up even the darkest of places
why am i here?
this isn't my life to live
i always knew.
Nov 10, 2013
Nov 10, 2013 at 12:18 AM UTC
before an alter you fall on your knees
and claim to dedicate your life to the service of God
yet in his name you lead another astray
deceitful in nature, in Jesus name, you claim to love
to the wolf in sheep's clothing
may you live everyday smothered by your guilt
may your lies eat away at you like a cancer
may the darkness you live in, consume you
i pray for blind eyes to see
that hearts harden as you approach
i pray that they see the disgusting animal that you are
that you be ravaged the very demons that reside in you
so tell me that i'm condemned to hell
for wishing you ill
tell me that i am no better than you
because your sins are weighed equal to mine
so tell me that i am in sin
for hating you
tell me!
my sins are before an audience
worn on my black coat
guilt will not be held over my head
you cannot **** what is already dead.
Oct 9, 2013
Oct 9, 2013 at 5:05 AM UTC
breathe it all in.
wilt like a flower under the pouring rain
breathe it all in.
heart beat comes to a gradual stop only to pound with sudden acceleration
words
i lack the words
i lack the words to describe
how taking one more hit
almost takes me to heaven
...or i should say hell?
because sometimes
one more hit is all i need
to remind me that in an instant my heart could stop beating
so i'll take one more hit
to suffocate the taunting voices
so i'll take one more hit
to forget each time love is not reciprocated
so i'll take one more hit
to slow down this heart that won't give up
one more hit to
remind this heart that sometimes it's hope that kills
because the rush of almost dying almost makes it worth living
Oct 4, 2013
Oct 4, 2013 at 12:01 AM UTC
what would i say to you?
would you care to listen
that my eyes no longer glisten?
would it be worth attempting to speak
when my heart, mind and soul are weak?
or would i be speaking to deaf ears
that cannot bear to hear all my fears?
maybe if you could see the fear
birthed well within my soul
maybe if you could feel
the wounds that perforated even the depths of my being
maybe if you could smell
the suffocating death deep within me
maybe if you could taste
the saltiness of my tears, and
maybe if you could hear the screams of my bleeding heart
maybe, then you would understand the extent
of the damage you have created..
so i lay with the words buried in my heart
trembling and silent.
Jun 30, 2013
Jun 30, 2013 at 12:03 AM UTC
the trees dance and the winds whisper my name
to walk on the lies you could no longer tame.
keep running from whom I once held dear
gasping from the suffocation of my fear.
how I long to strip off my skin
the world's spinning, obscuring his sin.
screaming and my face full of tears
but it falls on deaf ears.
fall to my knees and cry out to the skies
seeking rest in the eyes of The One so wise
and he said: "I'll take upon myself what is broken and shameful,
to give you life and make you beautiful."
Jun 29, 2013
Jun 29, 2013 at 11:49 PM UTC
lie to me
lie to me and tell me you're happy
lie to me and tell me that life is all that you wanted it to be
lie to me and tell me that you don't ever think of me
lie to me and smile with your eyes as you die
lie to me and laugh with your heart crumbling before your eyes
lie to me and say you don't love me
lie to me and say you never think of me in your dreams
lie to me.
tell me that everything is fine.
and tell me that you were never meant to be mine.
lie to me because you know i never will.
wish i could tell you that i hope you
cry.
die.
lie restless at night
thinking of the child that was ours
ache in your heart knowing you
rejected your
own
blood.
and though the tears come streaming down like floods
lie to me.
Jun 29, 2013
Jun 29, 2013 at 11:46 PM UTC