Keeping dry eyes,
And hiding to cry
Wearing long sleeves,
Leaving the blood there to dry
Knowing how to feel better,
But not willing to try
This is the epitome of many peoples' lives
Breaking your heart,
Just to keep others' whole
Keep going on,
When you can't handle anymore
Pushing yourself,
But you already know
You need help,
With nowhere to go
Not loving yourself,
But smiling through
Feeling so hopeless,
Like nobody loves you
Dying inside,
But still pushing through
Counting your breath,
Wishing to be someone new
Anxiety and Depression
Take hold of your mind
Your life feeling like
It's falling apart
You want to feel better
But don't know how to start
So you take all your medication
Trying to finally stop your heart
In the hospital room,
Waking up after days
Family crying,
Telling you you're okay
But you know you're not
Okay in any way
You still feel as though
You're wasting away
They put you in therapy
To have you start "healing"
You get put on medications
To take the edge off of what your feeling
They call it the road to recovery,
Learning again how to be a happy human being
I know it takes so long
And the journey is tough
But you meet people along the way
Who have also had it rough
You learn you're not alone
And you're on your way up
Just know there are people there for you
Forever, no matter what
Mar 22, 2018
Mar 22, 2018 at 4:28 AM UTC
My heart is fragile,
My mind is weak,
Sometimes I don't have the energy to speak,
My life seems like a vivid dream
And sometimes I can actually believe
That my limits have finally reached their peak
Sometimes I wonder if I am dead
And all my memories are made up inside my head
Like my heart already ceased to beat
But my mind is still forcing me to think,
Sometimes my heart is so sore
That I don't know if I can handle much more
But I have to for there are these things
That play through my mind
And keep my heartbeat in sync
With the thoughts that play
Throughout my head
As I lay inside my nice warm bed
And although nightmares are my only type of dream,
My siblings make me able to breathe
Jul 14, 2016
Jul 14, 2016 at 1:29 AM UTC
When you think about most fairy tales,
What's the first thing that comes to mind?
That magical kiss?
Those glass slippers?
Meeting the perfect guy?
Well, think about the things they endure
To end up with their dream lives
Evil queens,
Daunting dragons,
Even just parents who have closed minds
What I take out of these fairy tales most,
Is that they aren't afraid to cry
They don't give up
No matter what
Even after they nearly die
They've defeated their enemies
Gone through their hardships
And just moved on with their lives
Their happily after
Was not just given
They actually had to try
Feb 17, 2016
Feb 17, 2016 at 6:17 PM UTC
Love destroys
This fragile boy
Now he needs my protection
His heart is broken
His mind is weak
All he needs is real affection
You may not notice
How he will be
But you can't be oblivious
To what this means.
He loves you for you.
And you're calling him weak?
You don't deserve his love
He doesn't deserve to be
In a relationship
Where the one thing you need,
The love, isn't there
You weren't meant to be
He will do great things
And I will be there
When he succeeds
Because it turns out
I'm his big sister, you see
I won't let his compassion **** him
I won't let him wallow in grief
What I will let him do
Is forget about you
But also learn the lesson
That not all "love" is true
His heart is so big
And you left one crack
From which
I will make sure
He will bounce back
Oct 25, 2015
Oct 25, 2015 at 3:24 PM UTC
Now I lay me down to sleep
Praying, hoping we don't meet
But every time I close my eyes
I see us together
Then I cry
You made me think
That you loved me
I thought I loved you, so to speak
But later I finally realized
The **** made you different in my eyes
You took my virginity
My inner sanctum
My inner peace
You switched it with
Your filthy lies
You had *** with me
Over five times
I was only gone for three whole days
Just why, oh why would you treat me that way?
Fourteen girls including me?
What happened to your common sense?
Your dignity?
Oh, wait, the drugs
Now I see
Not much after,
It came to me
You're older than my daddy
You aren't even clean
I'm lucky no diseases
Were given to me
Just sever trauma
PTSD
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 11:25 PM UTC
I really can't keep doing
The things that I do
The things that I know
Are just making me miss you
Mommy come back
Just fix my mood
You're the only thing I need
You always know what to do
I really can't keep doing
The things that I do
The things that I know
Will remind me of you
Because if I can remember
Just one more thing
I know it'll be harder
For me to see
And there'll be less of a reason
For you to leave
I really can't keep doing
The things that I do
The things that I know
Will disappoint you
I shouldn't self harm
Cause the thought of you
Looking at my scars
Of me thinking that I had nothing to lose
Nothing to live for
Living life with no muse
I really can't stop doing
The things that I do
The things that I know
Will relieve you
The things that I know
Will make you proud
Make you see the daughter
You missed being around
Just don't live your life
Full of regrets
Cause, Mommy, if you did that
Your life would be a mess
Believe me, I know
That's how I started too,
But, Mommy, trust me
I will always help you through
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 10:53 PM UTC
My entire life is fueled off of
The empty promises
"I promise this is a forever thing"
"I will never leave again"
"You will always be my baby girl
"I swear you're the only one"
And that's only a few of them
The list goes on and on
It surely doesn't help when my Daddy sometimes says,
***"Try not to keep your hopes up
You'll just regret it in the end"***
And then there goes my Mommy,
***"I wish I'd never let you in
I truly don't want to see you,
Never again"***
I mean,
I know my Daddy is a drunk
And my Momma's an addict too
But I really thought
For once that
Their love had broken through
I know everybody says
My parents will always care
But if I'm being honest
I just want them to be there
If not for me,
Then most certainly
For the siblings that I love
Because in my mind
There is a list and they are most certainly above
They're my little angels
No matter what bad they have done
I will always love them for being them
All four of them, not just one.
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 8:55 PM UTC
I know you think you realize
How I truly feel
But I don't think you recognize
What is really real
The hardest thing for me to show
Is all my actual pain
Because no matter how I share it,
It will never go away
I cry myself to sleep at night,
To try to tire myself out
Hoping that the nightmares I have,
I will forget about
That's just the bare minimum
And I am sorry to say
That you will never understand
Unless you see it my way
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 8:35 PM UTC
I wonder if you know
That I am doing fine
I usually don't
Understand why
Why did you leave
After promising so much
Mommy, Mommy, please
I just want one more hug
I know it seems silly,
But no one has asked why
Why it hurts so much
And why I always cry
Because the one thing in this world
I've wanted since I was young
Is for my bio mom
To save me from my tongue
I put myself down
I mess my world up
I hate it when I do these things
But I am not done
Mommy, could you tell
That I was hurt so bad?
That no matter what happened
I could not be saved
Unless I put my mind to it
And learned a different way
I won't be sure until I know
That I will be okay
Consistency is what I need
But it can't be that way
I miss my family
I miss the way
That we could act
Like it's okay
Because what I've gone by
My whole life
Is
Fake it til you make it
And it'll be alright
Oct 10, 2015
Oct 10, 2015 at 4:05 PM UTC
I miss you
More than the weight of the world
When I say I miss you,
I really do
But I don't miss you now
I miss the old you
The one who always
Put her kids first
But once you were offered drugs
It took a turn for the worse
You started saying rude things
Made me lie for you
But
You also got mad at me too
I tried to apologize, but you wouldn't forgive
Then you left again
No trace to follow
When you I found you
You lost
A substantial amount of weight
It was then that I realized
The things people said were true
But no matter what,
I choose not to blame you
Now that I know where you are,
It'll be hard to follow through,
But only when you're clean is
When I choose to see you.
Sep 4, 2015
Sep 4, 2015 at 6:32 PM UTC