girluninterrupted - Hello Poetry

I know you'll never understand what it felt like to be a 8, 12, or 16 year old girl with a "father" who told you things like "pull your head out of your *** or "you only think of yourself" while he snuck out at night to **** other women, and blame it all on my mother. You'll never understand what it felt like as a young, growing girl with big dreams and a big heart and was told I will never achieve them. I wasn't good enough, and for that I needed to pull my head out of my *** You'll never understand the fear I had as my whole body shook in "that spot" in the hallway where leather licked - no bit and twisted - my fragile skin. It was never quick. It lasted an entire life time. I had to beg like a dog and apologize for things I did not do or dreamed of doing. I didn't lie like I have learned to do now. Meanwhile the dog was usually treated better than me and I was ok with that. But you'll never understand why a simple phrase can take me back to that little girl, scared in the hallway. Awaiting the belt for something I did not do. Crying in my room and thinking up apologies to say so my "father" would love me and be proud. I would do anything. And now, as an adult, I have let many men take advantage of me. Who am I to say No to? Men rule everything they walk over. & that will never change I know you will never understand Because in ways, I have him instilled in my being. In my brain. The way I speak to people, my impatience. My lack of love for myself and for others. You may never understand, but I will

0

Jan 29, 2024

Jan 29, 2024 at 7:29 PM UTC

"pathetic"

I know you'll never understand what it felt like to be a 8, 12, or 16 year old girl with a "father" who told you things like "pull your head out of your *** or "you only think of yourself" while he snuck out at night to **** other women, and blame it all on my mother. You'll never understand what it felt like as a young, growing girl with big dreams and a big heart and was told I will never achieve them. I wasn't good enough, and for that I needed to pull my head out of my *** You'll never understand the fear I had as my whole body shook in "that spot" in the hallway where leather licked - no bit and twisted - my fragile skin. It was never quick. It lasted an entire life time. I had to beg like a dog and apologize for things I did not do or dreamed of doing. I didn't lie like I have learned to do now. Meanwhile the dog was usually treated better than me and I was ok with that. But you'll never understand why a simple phrase can take me back to that little girl, scared in the hallway. Awaiting the belt for something I did not do. Crying in my room and thinking up apologies to say so my "father" would love me and be proud. I would do anything. And now, as an adult, I have let many men take advantage of me. Who am I to say No to? Men rule everything they walk over. & that will never change I know you will never understand Because in ways, I have him instilled in my being. In my brain. The way I speak to people, my impatience. My lack of love for myself and for others. You may never understand, but I will

14

When the weather changes and it's finally September I feel in love. When the breeze is cool everything is better I feel in love. When I can wear a beret or don a favorite coat I feel in love. & when I sit down and read something that you wrote I feel in love

0

Sep 3, 2023

Sep 3, 2023 at 2:14 AM UTC

September, finally

When the weather changes and it's finally September I feel in love. When the breeze is cool everything is better I feel in love. When I can wear a beret or don a favorite coat I feel in love. & when I sit down and read something that you wrote I feel in love

12

my little wasteland four corners and me gloom fills the room nice and bleak then you appear and burst the seal want it closed now it leaks there is no end in my wasteland the walls all laugh at me they know my empty cold, cold heart they laugh at me my misery

0

Jul 15, 2023

Jul 15, 2023 at 4:18 AM UTC

my wasteland

my little wasteland four corners and me gloom fills the room nice and bleak then you appear and burst the seal want it closed now it leaks there is no end in my wasteland the walls all laugh at me they know my empty cold, cold heart they laugh at me my misery

15

and I am the idiot fly who sees sweet sticky gold and I think to myself, "jack *** but there is no prize. you either die slowly, suffocating on honey or someone puts you out of your misery

0

Jun 29, 2023

Jun 29, 2023 at 3:02 AM UTC

time is like honey

and I am the idiot fly who sees sweet sticky gold and I think to myself, "jack *** but there is no prize. you either die slowly, suffocating on honey or someone puts you out of your misery

7

im falling down the rabbit hole im peeling myself off like a smushed bug on a wall, or shoe im staring empty and shallow eyed into the void that is my life a ghost, observing it all from the outside, I look at myself and don't recognize her my friends are worried my husband is mad I want to tell them it's alright. "It's me, i'm still here". But i'm not I'm not quite sure where "here" is anymore

0

Apr 17, 2023

Apr 17, 2023 at 1:28 AM UTC

smushed bug

im falling down the rabbit hole im peeling myself off like a smushed bug on a wall, or shoe im staring empty and shallow eyed into the void that is my life a ghost, observing it all from the outside, I look at myself and don't recognize her my friends are worried my husband is mad I want to tell them it's alright. "It's me, i'm still here". But i'm not I'm not quite sure where "here" is anymore

10

when i was little, a kid I rode the bus with told me that alligators lived in the sewers. I still think of that to this day, and watch my step around street drains. when I was even younger, I asked my mom how the stoplight turned from red to green. She said "theres a mouse inside of them and some cheese. When the mouse goes to eat the cheese, then the light turns green!" I believed it. And some days, when i'm driving aimlessly through town, I remember the mouse and the cheese when I get stuck at a light. I've always been afraid of drains, whether in pools or bathtubs. Maybe it stems from the kid who told me the alligator lie. But either way, I still hate them. Possibly even more than ever. I wish I had more memories of my childhood. The older I get, the more they become blurred, erased it seems. They survive through family photos stored in closets and old tapes with the wrong labels. But for some reason, I do tend to remember the bad memories. Those never leave my mind. Like the alligators. Now I am 29 going on 30. (Living the last couple hours of my 20's as I write this actually). I feel nostalgia setting in and I also feel sadness. It is officially the end of an era. My twenties will soon be a thing of the past. Just a moment in time. We constantly grow. From baby to toddler, child to teen, and on to adulthood we go. Each year delicate as the last. Learning more about the world and the way things work. I now know how traffic lights actually work. And I think I am certain alligators don't really live in our midwestern sewer systems. And I'm also not ready to turn 30.

0

Apr 3, 2023

Apr 3, 2023 at 11:12 PM UTC

on turning 30

when i was little, a kid I rode the bus with told me that alligators lived in the sewers. I still think of that to this day, and watch my step around street drains. when I was even younger, I asked my mom how the stoplight turned from red to green. She said "theres a mouse inside of them and some cheese. When the mouse goes to eat the cheese, then the light turns green!" I believed it. And some days, when i'm driving aimlessly through town, I remember the mouse and the cheese when I get stuck at a light. I've always been afraid of drains, whether in pools or bathtubs. Maybe it stems from the kid who told me the alligator lie. But either way, I still hate them. Possibly even more than ever. I wish I had more memories of my childhood. The older I get, the more they become blurred, erased it seems. They survive through family photos stored in closets and old tapes with the wrong labels. But for some reason, I do tend to remember the bad memories. Those never leave my mind. Like the alligators. Now I am 29 going on 30. (Living the last couple hours of my 20's as I write this actually). I feel nostalgia setting in and I also feel sadness. It is officially the end of an era. My twenties will soon be a thing of the past. Just a moment in time. We constantly grow. From baby to toddler, child to teen, and on to adulthood we go. Each year delicate as the last. Learning more about the world and the way things work. I now know how traffic lights actually work. And I think I am certain alligators don't really live in our midwestern sewer systems. And I'm also not ready to turn 30.

11

i constantly ***** everything up but i am always set up for failure

0

Feb 14, 2023

Feb 14, 2023 at 3:53 PM UTC

dumb girl

i constantly ***** everything up but i am always set up for failure

2

feels good then it hurts visions fight me in my head i constantly break my own heart dreaming of what you never said I wake up and you're not there and my lifeless eyes are dead forever waiting for the day you turn to me instead

0

Sep 25, 2022

Sep 25, 2022 at 2:53 AM UTC

lifeless eyes

feels good then it hurts visions fight me in my head i constantly break my own heart dreaming of what you never said I wake up and you're not there and my lifeless eyes are dead forever waiting for the day you turn to me instead

8