If this moment was good enough
Would you make it last forever?
Would you wrap me in your arms,
Whisper the secrets of the universe in my ear?
If we could make this moment inmortal
Wouldn't you live forever too?
Or would you still die if my memory never faded?
Could I fight for the both of us from now on?
I'm talking to you,
wishing upon a star that you'd lived this through.
We could have made up for the time we lost.
Watch the fire **** my present to build a new one where I felt at home.
We'd start from zero,
From the base where things were left behind by your absence.
We'd be a family again.
We'd be whole once more.
If our memories were good enough
Why did time keep on going without you?
Why am I still here, desperate and depressed,
Feeling remorse over my beating heart?
I will make you live forever,
Watch you from earth,
Wishing that somewhere, not so far away,
You are near enough to help me create new lasting memories so I don't feel alone.
Oct 7, 2024
Oct 7, 2024 at 1:32 PM UTC
I don't love this life,
Though I must admit,
It has its beautiful moments.
Yet, also a million times of grief.
Grief for the past we have lost,
Grief for the ones that are gone,
Grief for the moments we lived,
Not knowing how to let them go.
I have cried a thousand oceans,
Just to find myself here.
Waiting on something uncertain,
Afraid of letting grief go.
What are we without it?
Who should we seek if not it?
Even when happy moments do happen;
It's still there, stealing the smiles within me.
Someday all of this will be gone.
Dust shall go back to what it is.
We all will meet somewhere,
Where that word will never exist.
May 7, 2021
May 7, 2021 at 2:54 PM UTC
I'm checking my vital signs,
Just to make sure I'm still alive.
I'm breathing, but no air fills my lungs.
Could this mean I'm dead, too?
Is it a panic attack?
We're two souls United forever,
Through thick rain and a beautiful sunrise,
I see your smiling face from far away,
Yet so close I can almost touch your cheek.
Where have you gone tonight?
Are you somewhere we've never been to?
Are you happy where you are?
What's life, and why was it cut short for you?
Dad, I miss you.
You believed in me,
even when I couldn't do it myself.
You brought me back to life.
Thanks to you,
I'm stronger than I've ever been.
I believe I'm the daughter you'd be proud of,
All because of you.
I held your hand as you fought for a breath,
I kissed you on your forehead,
Told you everything would be okay,
Even if that meant I was willing to let you go.
RIP daddy 💚🌾
1967-2020
Jan 4, 2021
Jan 4, 2021 at 12:05 AM UTC
In his arms I felt safe
There was nothing to be afraid of.
No monster could take him away,
He was the man that always saved me.
He danced with me as I, slowly, fell asleep in his arms,
And tucked me to bed at night.
Stories were created,
The ones I still remember.
On his shoulders I felt tall,
I felt I could fly, touch the sky,
And even though I'm afraid of heights,
I still tried to be brave.
In his heart I was still her little girl,
And it was hard for him to let me grow up.
When the time came, and it was time for me to let him go,
I whispered in the silent living room of my house, "You can let go, Dad. I'll always be proud of you"
With his physical absence,
I feel broken and lost.
There's nothing I wouldn't do to bring him back home.
So, when I'm crying,
I think of that little girl,
The one sitting on her dad's shoulders.
The one that never knew what death was.
The one that created memories without knowing that.
I think about him,
And I can see him smile.
No more pain,
Just peace and love.
In my heart, he's still around,
Still laughing and hugging me,
Teaching me how important life is.
We can be gone in a second,
But even if covid took him away,
It couldn't take something from him...
HIS LOVE.
HIS LOYALTY.
HIS LEGACY.
OUR MEMORIES TOGETHER...
Love remains; it always does.
Miss you, daddy 🖤🥀
Nov 13, 2020
Nov 13, 2020 at 2:36 AM UTC
The air grows heavy around you. One deep breath will do it.
You're not afraid of the pain, but you still hesitate.
Focusing your sight on the smooth skin that covers your thoughts and fears from the world, you decide to do it. Sometimes, you crave it so much that your skin can feel a little itchy.
One line is drawn on your skin. It's not deep enough. It barely bleeds, but it's the step you needed to move forward and let it all go for a while.
Another line, and then another one.
This time, you press the razor blade deeper into your skin. Adrenaline runs through your veins. You wish you could go even deeper, finding the part of you that's been missing from your soul when they broke you. Perhaps, you just broke yourself. Who are you to blame other people, but why do you feel this way towards them?
Forgiving people is easier said than done. Forgiving yourself is... Impossible.
You draw another line. Now your body is covered in dying red roses.
You can't stop. You don't wanna stop. It feels so good, yet so wrong at the same time
It's like a drug, and no matter how long you stay clean, you will fall right back into it.
When you are done, you clean and cover those lines. A long sleeve will do it. No one has to know. You don't need another pair of judgemental eyes on you. Your own presence has judged yourself enough.
You draw a fake smile on your face and go on with your day. You're fine.
You're fine. Everything will be okay, until it's not. What happens next, you may wonder?
I bet you already know it.
Jul 18, 2020
Jul 18, 2020 at 7:38 PM UTC
Moon child,
Worned out, yet wide eyed,
Breathe in
Breathe out.
Your body is tiny.
Your heart remains untouched.
Your smile breaks me.
I used to be happy, too.
Tell me you're still here,
Somewhere where I can find you.
Tell me you are proud of me.
Tell me you would keep fighting,
Because I need your strength.
Take all the pain away.
Take me to the stars,
Let's play with Peter Pan.
You should remain unmarked.
Yet, you're growing tired.
Have I let you down?
Moon child,
Tell me we are doing okay.
Moon child,
Keep on fighting.
This war is not over.
We shall remain victorious.
We will be marked.
Don't pay attention to others,
You are enough.
You are perfect.
Moon child,
Wild kid with pretty eye lashes
Are you here?
I can't feel you anymore.
If you decide to stay,
So will I
Jun 14, 2020
Jun 14, 2020 at 7:22 PM UTC
I've built a safe haven.
It's the only place that contains my pain.
The walls are tainted by the blood of broken dreams.
Tainted by hurtful, yet blurry words that I can still hear these days.
They're tainted by a broken mind.
My safe haven has a resistant door, but no windows to let my secret be free.
Darkness likes to live in it.
My demons seem to agree with it, too.
I have a safe haven, and sometimes,
It's my only home.
Jun 10, 2020
Jun 10, 2020 at 1:44 AM UTC
My feet are a little unsteady,
As I move silently towards it.
Today I'm feeling a little bit more like...
Me.
The younger me.
The one that stood tall no matter what happened.
The one that was not ashamed of herself.
Some days, I'm afraid I forgot about her.
I can remember her huge smile. I can also remember the gap in between her front teeth. Her imperfect body.
Her messy curly hair.
I don't know when I started holding my breath. I'm shaking.
Perhaps, I've been doing it for a while now.
Wild brown eyes stare back at me. She's not there.
I'm not her anymore.
These new eyes look scared, defeated.
She looks tired. Has she slept through the night? Has she had any nightmares today?
Where's her will to live gone to?
Why is she so afraid of the world?
I don't wanna look at her.
She's hurting.
She's fighting a war within her own mind.
I close my eyes, wishing she was different.
Maybe, just maybe, she could fit in.
Jun 7, 2020
Jun 7, 2020 at 3:52 PM UTC
Better.
I'm better. At least that is what I've been trying to convince myself of for the past months.
I still want to make all of this... Hurting go away.
I've lost myself in this deep maze made out of steel. When the weather doesn't help, I melt. I become water, and I can't breathe. I can only keep swallowing water. I can only keep on dying, trying to be far enough from the ones I look up to, so no one knows I'm choking.
I need you. I need you to guide me this time, cause I'm walking with my eyes closed. They don't see what's real, so why do I need them, then? They're worthless.
Breathing with the ashes of the past dancing in the air around me makes me crave it. The old "habit" I used to shut my mouth with is not working as it used to anymore.
I'm still broken.
I'm better...
I'm better.
Jun 5, 2020
Jun 5, 2020 at 8:41 PM UTC
I have been fine
A happy girl living a normal life
Now I’m broken
I can’t be fixed.
You think you can actually fix me
You think you can make me whole again,
Nevertheless, you can’t be more wrong
You have to stop being a dreamer.
Your high hopes are hurting me
That useless hope still waits at my door,
Waiting for me to smile and dance under the rain with you,
Forgetting about my fresh scars carved on my body.
I cannot be fixed,
I cannot heal my broken soul,
And neither can you
So give up before I give up on you.
Sometimes I feel like a 4th of July,
And sometimes I feel like a December 2nd.
Sometimes I light before the big thunder arrives,
And other times I cannot even shine with help of my loved ones.
I’m shaking and sobbing,
I swim in an ocean of my own tears,
Looking for the north,
Looking for my light, my home.
I cannot seem to find the right place to rest my dizzy head,
No matter how far I run,
I carve the coordinates of paradise on my skin,
So I don’t forget them, or mistake them with a sweet dream come true.
How can you fix the mess I am today?
How can you make me dance under the rain?
Can you see it now?
Can you see my demons and its plans for me?
Will you give up on me?,
Or will you keep on fighting to save me from myself?
Mar 13, 2019
Mar 13, 2019 at 5:09 PM UTC