Again you boil over,
I kick myself for being surprised.
Like clockwork,
The hour changes and you explode.
I dont want to flinch,
Waiting for the rage that comes after the contents of your lap hit the floor,
Your voice ripping through the still air.
I beg you to stop,
I plead to your sensitive side,
So tightly tucked away,
Hoping you will empathise.
You lash out again,
your sadness slipping deeper still,
Anger replacing the vulnerability,
Until that is all that remains.
Jan 8, 2022
Jan 8, 2022 at 11:06 AM UTC
I'm so scared,
I'm so alone and tired,
I feel small and defeated.
All I want is you,
I want you holding me like you used to,
The feeling, when I was in your arms like nothing could go wrong,
Nothing could hurt me.
Then again at the time I didn't think the "nothing" would turn into a "no one".
It would turn into a person,
Someone who would push me,
Who would hurt me and,
Who strangled the strength out of me,
The confidance I have worked my whole life to achieve.
I let my will spill and leak from me as I drank,
And drank.
My answers slowly reflected the toxins I was consuming,
Easier to swallow as the night went on.
I feel nothing.
I am nothing.
Aug 10, 2016
Aug 10, 2016 at 1:39 AM UTC
Come fill me up.
Overflow me with your touch and that look that wordlessly tells me you love me.
I don't need anything but your laugh,
The light sound of your voice in a whisper telling me how much you care.
We can lie forever,
Staring out that cold window,
Our breath foggy in winter air, flowing into your bedroom.
Why did you leave me?
You left me so broken,
Before you, I did not know how whole I could feel,
Now I look for anything to fill the void you left in me.
In the small hours of the night,
Motivated by their hands and liquid courage,
I find someone new.
Every night leads to the same realisation,
that I won't ever see you again.
Every night.
When I go out,
I look for you and all I find are the hands of strangers,
Loving me in place of you.
Filling me up,
Breaking me down for they could never love me as purely as you could.
Feeling me and filling me,
Only for the night.
Aug 10, 2016
Aug 10, 2016 at 1:25 AM UTC
Please lie to me,
Pretend you love me,
I would cease to exist if you said you said you didn’t want me.
Just string me along with your empty promises,
I live for the excuses and the little white lies that keep me in the dark.
Breaking my heart and taping it back up for next time,
You whispering sweet nothings in my ear so I forgive you,
I love it,
It hurts oh-so good.
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 11:32 PM UTC
I can’t love you here,
But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
You think after all the time we’ve been together,
And all the things we’ve done that I don’t have feelings for you?
I have enough feelings to fill a-whole-nother universe,
Galaxies worth of lazy days, lying in bed, smiling,
Planets and moons and suns all covered with homemade breakfasts,
candle lit dinners, and sunday drives in the country.
The abyss of blackness is our nights,
The never ending darkness lit only by my love for you,
By the passion filled evenings and young hours of the morning.
So when you tell me the reason we aren’t together is because i don’t want to be,
That is and never was true,
The reason we aren’t together is because the vastness of space isn’t enough to hold us,
At least not with everyone else.
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 11:27 PM UTC
When you pass by me as if I don’t exist my heart breaks a little bit,
And when you look through me,
I become just that much more invisible.
Your words are empty,
And somehow they still fill me with hope.
Oct 28, 2014
Oct 28, 2014 at 10:35 PM UTC
I can't let you see how much I long to be near you,
But what if that means spite replaces the fondness in my eyes,
And when you look into them my feelings reflect into you.
Will this all end with everyone saying “no love lost” when we’re both really weeping on the inside?
Oct 26, 2014
Oct 26, 2014 at 11:00 PM UTC
And I once again let myself believe you wanted me.
I cry because,
You never have.
Oct 21, 2014
Oct 21, 2014 at 8:19 PM UTC
You told me you don’t want feelings to be involved,
So I won’t tell you how my words falter when you’re around,
I won’t let you know that when you take my face in your hands my knees want to give out,
Or when you kiss me,
My breath catches.
And when you wonder why, at school,
I’m so distant, it’s because I can’t handle being so close to you without being allowed your soft touch.
I can’t stand to see you hold someone else in front of everybody,
The way you hold me when it’s just us.
If I could I would stay with you in your room,
Safe from all of the judgement the world has to ofter.
A place where there needn’t be a title to what we have,
All that has to be known about it is that it’s beautiful.
Oct 15, 2014
Oct 15, 2014 at 11:15 PM UTC
What a fool I am.
I believed someone like you,
Breathlessly beautiful in everything you do,
Could love a nobody like me.
And in the end,
The melody in your eyes will bring me to tears,
So I will stop looking in them.
I’ll stop searching for your face in every crowd,
Because I don’t want to feel this sickness anymore,
The wound that never completely heals.
It’ll always be just a little bit tender,
And if you come running back,
I’ll be here.
Oct 14, 2014
Oct 14, 2014 at 6:32 PM UTC