*The sky
It was blue
The one who did it
It was you.
You pushed
Away my clouds
You helped me live
With the voices so loud.
You made me see
The light of day
You helped me walk
and not run astray.
Your eyes
They light the dark
they keep me going
even with just one spark.
Your voice
It calms me
Not a like a crashing wave
but like a gentle sea.
The distance
although so long
i keep you close
you keep me strong.
The sunset
the most beautiful thing
But now my sunset
I will sing.*
Feb 3, 2016
Feb 3, 2016 at 1:41 AM UTC
The darkness creeps up behind me.
I turn and look, what is it I see?
I see the faces of the people who used to care.
They just smile at me, they stare.
Meanwhile I am on fire.
The burning continues as the flames grow higher.
Unable to withstand the pain in my heart.
I wish it would end, I want to go back to the start.
The figures of betrayal wrap around my soul.
Til I am shrouded in darkness, with no clear goal.
No way out, because they keep me trapped in.
What did I do wrong? What terrible sin?
My naive self decides to give the betrayers another chance.
Only to be crushed once again by their morbid dance.
Over and over again they pull me deeper into hell.
They've been doing this since the day I fell.
I just want it to end, I want the pain to end.
Maybe they will help if it's a hand i continue to lend.
And so the vicious cycle goes on and on.
I keep helping them and they eat away at my soul.
And they will keep going until the day I am gone.
Jan 27, 2016
Jan 27, 2016 at 3:00 PM UTC
Screaming loud inside my head.
All of the voices just want me dead.
Curled up in a ball in a room of dark.
My thoughts clamped around like viscous shark.
Rocking back and forth, all alone.
Speaking with the voices, in a softer tone.
Becoming mellow to the ones who are the worst.
Breathing steadily slower, dying of thirst.
Saying "no no no" because I want them to leave.
The screaming continues as I begin to heave.
Unable to bear the pain they bring.
I try to comfort myself as I softly sing.
The voices in my mind only scream and yell.
I think and I scream "What is this!?"
They reply in unison "This is Hell."
Jan 25, 2016
Jan 25, 2016 at 10:20 PM UTC
I woke up to feel the pain in my chest.
It was the middle of the night, but I would not rest.
My eyes struggled to find the light.
But all they saw was the cover of the night.
The pain in my chest worsens, and my eyes fill with tears.
I am left in the darkness, with nothing but fear.
My body shakes and I feel all the pain.
I question myself, am I even sane?
But just as I thought I was crazy as could be.
My lips widen, and i start smiling with glee.
The pain has not left, but my mind has welcomed it.
My body has grown accustom to feeling it bit by bit.
A small chuckle escapes my lips, but my eyes are red.
I am crying nonstop and I feel broken... Dead.
The pain in my chest only seems to grow.
Like a stone being throw, to and fro.
My body quivers as I feel my blackened soul.
So dark and hurt, long since turned to coal.
My bloodshot eyes slowly begin to shut.
Sadly when I awake, I will still be in this rut.
All I can do for myself is grieve and grieve.
Because there is a stone in my heart... And it will never leave.
Dec 13, 2015
Dec 13, 2015 at 9:24 PM UTC
We all talk about our demons every now and then.
We all have those demons, all the women, children, and men.
We can not hide from them, not now, not ever.
They sit in our minds, some people can't conquer them, never.
However, I have only one demon that resides in my mind.
Wherever I am, he will always find.
I can not run for him, and I cannot hide.
Sadly for me, he is along for the ride.
Tormenting me, every chance he gets.
He brings up my past and all my regrets.
Sadly my demon is one I can never overcome.
And I do not think that to him I can become numb.
I'm just stuck with him here, every single day.
And I will stand here and way, because there's nothing I can say.
The demon fills my lungs with my sorrow.
And it makes me question if I will see tomorrow.
My veins run with nothing but despair.
And I know it's not right, it isn't fair.
I will put up with my demon, day and night.
I will have conversations with him, I'm tired of the fight.
The talk only breaks down my soul.
The demon has turned me cold, I am no longer whole.
I don't know if you've realized yet, but you see.
The one demon that I am stuck with is me.
Nov 5, 2015
Nov 5, 2015 at 3:20 PM UTC
I reach out my hand and grasp at the air.
My eyes well with tears, how can this be fair?
Surrounded by these people, but cursed to feel alone.
Forced to wander my mind, without a place to call home.
The tears, now a steady stream down my cheeks.
I hide my face and I begin to silently weep.
The people who care asking if I am okay.
Then they assume that I am, they resume with their day.
When I try and I try, never leaving them alone.
All I hear when I need help, is the blank dial tone.
I drop to my knees, finally giving up all thought.
I decide this is where I should be, left to rot.
I wish I could show myself, they really want to help.
But i can't seem to let them, I force myself into hell.
I lie here alone, alone with just my mind.
I wait to be consumed by it, it's just a matter of time.
I close my eyes, hearing the pleas of those I let down.
And I lie in my coffin, as I'm lowered six feet into the ground.
Oct 25, 2015
Oct 25, 2015 at 11:32 PM UTC
Rain clouds as far as the eye can see.
Water pouring from the sky, drowning me.
I close my eyes, and shut out the dim, pale light.
I give into my sorrow, my starless night.
My eyes fill with tears, but they are covered up by the rain.
The blood drips from my body, and the water worsens the pain.
The pain shoots through my body, the worst pain I've ever known.
And i let out a scream of terror, the most weakness I've ever known.
I wait for myself to drown beneath the tide.
This time, why even bother to ask why?
I'm so far out to sea not a soul would hear me.
But then i remember, my mind is the sea.
My thoughts enclose me, trapped with no way out.
And then i stop crying, it's already too late, not a thing to cry about.
My eyes slowly close as the world fades away.
This time I'm asleep for good, I will not live to see another day.
A bittersweet smile finally crosses my face.
The muffled "goodbye" and I'm gone without a trace.
Oct 25, 2015
Oct 25, 2015 at 11:14 PM UTC
Do you see how blue the sky is, not a cloud around.
A beautiful day, with only the calming sounds.
The birds are chirping, the gently breeze flowing.
The sun is shining and the grass is growing.
Clouds slowly move across the expanse of blue.
Casting huge shadows, sometimes over you.
One rain drop falls down through the air.
You feel the water on you, slowly wetting your hair.
The clouds darken the suns rays as they disappear from sight.
And on top of that, it is slowly becoming night.
You get inside, where it is bright, dry, and warm.
All of a sudden that rain becomes a storm.
I pillar of wind heading your way.
You know you wouldn't survive, so there is no reason to stay.
You walk outside and begin to run.
Getting cold once again without the light of the sun.
You watch the pillar of wind rip through your home.
You are stuck outside in this wasteland, forced to just roam.
So you sink to the puddle forming beneath your feet.
So helpless, alone, and cold you begin to weep.
Oct 18, 2015
Oct 18, 2015 at 7:52 PM UTC
As the tears run down my face.
I wonder, what is this hell, what is this place?
lost somewhere, never to be found.
Soon to be buried six feet under the ground.
No one left rescue me.
This emptiness is all i see.
I open my eyes, but still see no light.
All that is left is pain, and never ending night.
Please, take me from this hell I'm in.
Did i do this to my self, how much did i sin?
What could i do wrong to put me here.
Down with my nightmares, and every single fear.
So if you hear nothing from me, ever again.
I say to you, farewell my friend.
Oct 9, 2015
Oct 9, 2015 at 10:25 PM UTC
Do you know what i do when i have nothing left to write?
I pour out the horrors, pour out the fright.
I pour out my heart, I pour out my soul.
So that maybe i can let you know you are not alone, you are whole.
I write these words, these words from hell.
How i feel in my mind is just how i tell.
There is so much darkness, so black in my mind.
All of my nightmares, trust me, they are not kind.
They pin me down and force me to watch.
As everything I love is left to rot.
I sit here and wait, hoping to leave.
But sadly, I'm not done, there's no time to grieve.
I still have to try, there's still people who need me.
That is why I am stuck here, forced to be who they need me to be.
So i can not stop, i must keep going.
But i hope how broken I am inside isn't showing.
Because i will scream out.
But all that will be heard...
Is silence.
Oct 6, 2015
Oct 6, 2015 at 10:39 PM UTC