there was a brief moment
in our acknowledgement
of each other
when everything felt right
a shared smile
and locked eyes
but
it was precisely this ease
of slipping back into
what once was
which made everything
so absurd
and the jolt in my heart
pulled my head down
as I stared at my feet
walking away from
you
Jul 13, 2014
Jul 13, 2014 at 6:29 AM UTC
sometimes I feel very very small
I am here
on the bed
a cocoon
fighting desperately to be a butterfly
you are there
a bird
big strong wings waiting
to eat me.
I am small
like a loose thread from an old sweater
moving against fingertips
you could roll me into a ball
and you are the smudge on the window pane
that this ball cannot wipe away.
I am the small drop on the shower head
clinging, trepid,
anticipating my great fall
you are the hairs on the shower drain
not going anywhere
stuck
hindering the flow.
I am small
and I am tired of you
I am sick of the parts of you still in me.
I am the cocoon
desperate
-ly fighting
to be
aching for freedom
I break my mattress cage
I crumble, choke, struggle
instead of fly
The feathers in my pillow
are yours
now,
smother me.
May 10, 2014
May 10, 2014 at 5:53 AM UTC
I write "you exist"
on the fragility of my wrist
because I need to remind myself
that this isn't a nightmare
and life has good parts too.
I need these words to fetter me
as if I were something solid
because I haven't felt that lately
I am the dead leaf
detached from branches
broken off from life
I am the echo in the mountain
too late
belonging to no one
I am the carving on the tree trunk
a reminder of a love already gone
fading, unnoticed
I am the falling star
burning, blazing
dead a million years.
I am nothing
but I exist.
I exist.
May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 at 8:07 AM UTC
*Static electricity is an imbalance
of electric charges*
If your words are so weightless
why is it so hard to let go?
maybe love is static electricity
a transfer
in hopes of striking a balance.
erratic exchange
back and forth
insults and compliments
good and bad
*static electric charge is created
when two surfaces contact and separate,
and one of the surfaces
has a high resistance to electrical current*
you got more than you gave
******* insulator
contact and separate
contact
separate
you left me, a hot wire
waiting to explode
starving for peace
and your lies are rubber balloons
sticking to my cotton heart
cloth grown thin from trying to scrape past
the rough edges of broken promises
and the more I try to wipe the lies
to see them clearly
the more they cling to me.
Like poison
I feel myself dying slowly
you are killing me
without even touching me,
the hair on my arms rising
from the chill of what you've become
Apr 22, 2014
Apr 22, 2014 at 9:52 PM UTC
I found a sketch
I did
of your face.
I am careful
as my fingers pinch the edge
feeling the straight line
one hand separating from the other.
I start from the top
and end in the bottom.
going the same direction as
us.
I am careful
as I rip away the shreds of you.
careful to destroy every semblance
to the face I tried to capture.
for the honesty that existed there
was one that my own hands
and eyes
added
and it is
in the mass of the irregular
white pieces
and gray lines
that I see the truth of you.
I grasp the pieces in my palms
and clasp
and feel
as they rest in the spaces
between my fingers
it is in this mass
of shapeless nothingness
that I begin to really feel
you.
Jan 4, 2014
Jan 4, 2014 at 8:42 AM UTC
like the legend of the phoenix, all ends with beginnings
-Daft Punk
sometimes
my heart creeps into my mind
like young lovers' hands
reaching for palms and fingertips.
my mind tells me to forgive you
but my heart is heavy with pain
my mind tells me to accept what has happened
but my heart is full of memories
my mind explains the pain away
but all my heart does is feel
my mind tells me to forgive you.
it is seven twenty-four AM
there is a violin playing in the distance
and I am still haunted by you.
I am slowly letting you go though,
like feathers falling loosely
from my fingertips.
I watch you float slowly to the ground
where you can no longer hurt me.
I feel myself grow taller
as you lay beside my feet
and maybe someday a soft wind
will lift you slowly
into something else.
Nov 16, 2013
Nov 16, 2013 at 6:51 PM UTC
*he knows it's justified
to **** to survive*
dark thoughts still come sometimes
but I think I'm going to be all right.
Oct 28, 2013
Oct 28, 2013 at 5:23 AM UTC
It's not that you're disposable or replaceable...he just chose to forget how special you are, what a good person you are, how beautiful you are inside and out. You are. You are. You are. Stop crying, you are. Perhaps he'll remember someday, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that you don't forget. You are worth it, beautiful. You are. You really are.
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 10:35 AM UTC
the truth is
I want to die
but the truth is
my death
would hurt more
people
than my life.
for in living
it is only I who suffers.
and I have discovered
that the greatest pain
is not in being hated,
but in being ignored.
and sadly
the only way for anyone
to really understand what I meant by that
is to live through a life
of being overlooked.
of speaking
and never being heard.
of wearing masks
so everyone can stand being around you.
of being constantly told
that you are fine
when deep down you know your truth.
of using tears
to clean your face
just so you can smile once more.
being frustrated
at your inability to articulate
these feelings into words,
failing to realize that there is no way
that they could understand what you mean
because what you experience,
this personal hell,
is not in their scope
of existence.
I could go on
but their voices have seeped into all my cracks
"it's all in your head"
"get over it"
"you're just being dramatic"
and I end up judging myself
feeling less like a person
and more like a thing
that was made wrong.
a misfit
a mistake
a dysfunctional
an oddity
an alien
a ****** up
overdramatic attention-seeker.
*everyone has ****
why can't you keep yours in line?
everyone has pain
why can't you fix yourself?
just talk about it.
let it out.
it's easy.
what is wrong with you?
why can't you just tell me?*
I hide tears away like illegal contraband
feelings that should not be indulged.
I wear smiles like special passes
so I can weave my way around society.
and all I really want
is a little patience
a little acceptance.
I'm not too much of a freak
that I cannot be loved.
I promise I'm not so bad.
just give me some time
I'll be good
please?
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 6:02 AM UTC