frankie-gestoneWhisper
36 / M / American
A Life In Dreams (short story)He woke up in a rapid sweat, darkness surrounding him, his soaked pillow was pressing up on his neck as he could feel the uncomfortable stabbing cold run right threw his whole body. His mouth was dry and his body was in great pain. He lay there practically naked, but not just physically, also emotionally. It was like a catatonic state where the person’s body is paused in reality, but the actual person is far away and isolated even from himself. He wondered why he was so comfortable being uncomfortable and remaining frozen in time. He saw nothing but the subtle moonlight that peaked through the blinds of his window. A point of existence, he feels nothing because all he has ever felt has drowned him. His numbness was being accepted and he embraced that if he remained this way, he would never have to feel hurt or heartbreak again. It’s better this way, he confirmed. / Eventually he got up out of his bed, walked outside to a nearby empty field. He looked up at the infinite night sky and contemplated the moon, the stars, and the endless space that sustained all of its existence. A tear fell down his cheek as he remembered the beautiful wonder of life and the universe; his realization that he is just a small spec of dust compared to all that is and all that is wonderful. Whatever happened to that universal happiness he used to feel? The feelings of the unseen, the cosmos, the mysteries that remain unsolved were all love. He then felt ancient and brand new at the same time-always being around all that is, but recently born into the unknown. The silence of the night swarmed him, and he suddenly embraced all the things he could not accept. The lullaby of the wind put him to sleep. / When he awoke, it was twilight. The sky was a lighter, deep blue and the sun in the far distance was rising in a fiery halo of mixed red, orange, and yellow colors, and the early morning clouds were clear and transparent. He heard the sound of a train horn in the far distance. He followed the sound with his ears as the sound became slightly louder and louder. Then, suddenly he could see the light of the early morning train.
The WayThen I heard, "We've met before. I believe countless times in innumerable lifetimes." She looked at me and said, "Boy, we have already done this. Don't you remember?" And the girl in my dreams said to look inside her eyes but not at her eyes. "There is a way out. I can show you if only you believe me. We can be free," she stated. Can the patterns really ever be broken? "You want temporary pleasure for permanent damage. This will **** you," she said. "Your mental imprisonment is an endless cycle, you broken record," she furiously lamented. "There is pain in everything. Pain in pleasure but pleasure in pain. What is growth without death? What is progress in happiness without change? The ultimate comfort is unknowingly repeating the same cycles over and over again. To enter the uncomfort zone is ultimate freedom." A beautiful dream just a brutal nightmare disguised that replays real events of the past in the mind until I wake up to realize they are no longer mine. / I sit still and she whispers for me to look down as she offers me a hot cup of tea. There is a South Korean woman in a red dress in my tea. She wears a lavender rose through her hair while looking at me. The ocean current pushes the waves to the surface of my mouth. She holds my hand softly, then gives a firm grip. / I am alone in a bedroom and there is a beautiful, but haunting Gregorian chant. I go out to the garden to pick foreign fruit from fences near an old church. I eat the fruit and she tells me to watch her hand. She draws three circles in the air. The first circle is small, the second is slightly bigger, and the third is much larger. "What is this?" I asked her with confusion in my voice. "Chaos," she said in an assuring manner. The circles followed each other surrounding me and going up and down. "But...can you see the order?" she asked me. I just watched them. "To understand the meaning is futile. It is beyond your comprehension. Things happen, you see. Maybe you think they are good or bad. It is just nature. Go with it and allow it. There you will become truth."
