frances-adams
I'm not too amazing when it comes to writing but its something I love to do :) I've been writing for a few years and have found that it is my little escape from reality. My other hobbies include horseback riding, photography and music. I hope you enjoy my poems. / / lalalalalalala
As I look into this mirror, words begin rushing through my mind.
I think to myself;
How could anyone ever love her?
How could they look at that repulsive body and be attracted to it?
For she is not beautiful.
She has asymmetrical features,
A sagging face that reveals her sadness and exhaustion,
And scars hidden by meaningless bracelets and her old red sweater.
How could someone love her, having known how she treats herself?
How could they handle the baggage she carries everywhere on her shoulder?
Her nervous habits, her inability to handle stress and her tendency to cover up her problems that show through her face with makeup are only the beginning.
How could he have loved her?
How could he have been attracted to her boney hips and large legs?
Did he know how she treated her body?
Anyone could’ve seen it.
I can't understand how he loved her crooked smile,
Her loud obnoxious laugh.,
Her obsession with horses,
Or her large hands and feet.
Did he ever really love her?
Because she doesn’t love herself, so how could anyone else?
Oct 16, 2014
Oct 16, 2014 at 9:05 PM UTC
3am.
She’s woken up thinking of that wonderful delusion her mind had just created.
Where everything was back to normal,
Back to before you broke her.
You...broke her.
Tears begin streaming down her cheek,
And you’re the reason why.
The reason why she dreams the most wonderful dreams and gets up in the morning feeling like a brick was thrown at her face.
The reason why she takes so many photos to remember so many moments in hopes that maybe she’ll forget the ones spent with you.
You’re the reason why she can’t go into that one room or that one park without breaking down.
Why she’s so weak that nothing can help her anymore.
Because instead of building her up, you tore her down.
Down so low, where cigarettes and beer are happiness.
You should’ve been there for her.
You should’ve kept your promise of love and held her while she cried all those tears.
Because maybe then she wouldn’t have so many.
Sep 20, 2014
Sep 20, 2014 at 3:54 PM UTC
I locked you away, and forgot everything.
Or so I thought.
But truthfully, it’s impossible to forget you.
You contributed so much to who I am today.
You’re the reason I fell, but also the one who helped me get back up.
I can’t forget all the moments we shared,
And how I have never felt as happy as I was with you.
I miss you…
Us.
I’m not supposed to but I can’t help it.
Everyone tells me to forget,
But what if you’re someone to remember?
I wonder if you ever think of me.
If you ever run your fingers through her hair and imagine its mine.
If you listen to that band I love and remember me.
If you see my contact name and almost call me out of habit.
Because we did have something, something magnificent.
Something so unique that I fear I’ll never have again.
And is that really worth forgetting?
Why should I forget the pain you caused if it helped me grow?
Why should I forget you pushing me down if it made me learn how to get back up on my own?
I’m finished with letting go of my memories,
I am angry and as I sit here trembling,
All I want is to remember.
But no matter how hard I try, I can’t.
Because somewhere along the way after being told to countless times,
I forgot.
Sep 15, 2014
Sep 15, 2014 at 10:06 PM UTC
I haven’t thought of you in so long.
You disappeared from the words that escape the ink I splattered on my pages.
It felt like a millennium had passed when I finally moved on,
And when my thoughts were rid of you.
Yet it only took 2 seconds for my past with you to take hold of my mind again.
You were everything to me before.
One memory appeared in my mind,
Then another.
Then the sinking feeling in my stomach hit.
Finally, tears began streaming down my pale, corpse like cheeks.
It feels like my envisionment of you is so real,
And you’re so close that I can almost touch you.
The sensation of my heart being squeezed; drained of blood, is too much to handle.
For I thought i’d never repeat this process of withdrawal from love.
But yet again,
I have been deceived.
No matter how much time passes,
Even when I think I’ve moved on from you,
And when your face hasn’t appeared in my mind or your voice in my ears,
I still haven’t.
And that reality,
Will never change.
Sep 12, 2014
Sep 12, 2014 at 5:31 PM UTC
I’m noticing you.
Your eyes are weighed down,
And your smile is fading away.
You’re throwing your life into an empty bottle.
The more you struggle,
The harder it is for you to wake up every morning to what seems like another wasted day.
As if the sun doesn’t touch your skin anymore,
Your pigment is disappearing along with your eagerness to live.
You have a wound from an arrow,
That has yet to close over.
But listen to these words darling,
Continue your life but not the way it is.
Dedicate to one thing that makes the butterflies in your stomach flutter,
That makes your mind float away into the clouds,
And that makes your smile appear again.
Sep 4, 2014
Sep 4, 2014 at 10:18 PM UTC
She drowns her non existent sorrows in you.
Non existent,
For she has no real sorrows.
Her world is perfect,
Yet utterly flawed.
She’s not sad, just alone.
And loneliness is a funny thing.
It brings an onset of feelings similar to grief.
But these are numb sensations,
Ones not real,
Like you.
Everything she consists of, melts when you’re around.
She takes the shape of something to fit you.
She doesn’t let herself be anything other than your life-size barbie doll.
Her original copy drowns in your presence.
Sinking into the deep hole where your heart once was.
She was head over heels for you,
And using your theatrical talents, you fooled her into thinking that those feelings were mutual.
But when she wasn’t enough,
She was left behind, once again surrounded by loneliness.
Unable to rediscover herself,
Because in the midst of unknowingly losing you, she lost herself too.
Aug 12, 2014
Aug 12, 2014 at 11:54 PM UTC
I can’t do this any longer.
They all toss my heart around like a football because its fun to watch the girl tear apart.
You don’t realize it, but it hurts me.
The way you flirted with my best friend right in front of me hurt,
The way you stared into my eyes and treated me so “nicely" was painful.
That’s it though, you simply haven’t done anything wrong.
You’re so perfect yet I'm still scared to feel.
Tonight was the night that I’d decide my feelings for you.
And I have, I fell for you so hard and this breathtaking, captivating, heart aching feeling was so recognizable.
It was the same way I felt when I fell all those times before.
My body knows this as a warning sign,
Stopping me from continuing.
I am damaged from the past, and frightened by the future.
I’m stuck in this mindset, unable to escape.
I am defective,
Not worthy of anyone.
I was fearful of falling for you, and with good reason.
But now I've fallen for your quirky smile, your brown eyes, and your playful flirting.
I’ve put myself on the line and you've changed you’re mind.
You’re playing games that I don’t know the rules to.
You could so easily pull away from me at any second.
Leaving, and if that’s the case then I’ll bury my feelings so deep down and pretend as if they never existed.
But they’ll still be stuck inside,
Slicing up my body.
Causing unbearable pain which I’ll hide just one more time with a cute little smile.
And like every single time,
I’ll act as if I never felt anything.
But once I’m alone, I will breakdown, falling apart piece by piece.
Because I have finally fallen for you, and as I predicted,
I am breaking because of it.
Jul 30, 2014
Jul 30, 2014 at 5:01 PM UTC
I’ve always been asked why I adore the rain so much,
Here is my explanation.
I love the rain because it’s beautiful,
Just like my older sister’s smile.
I love the rain because sometimes it comes wrapped in a storm,
A storm with loud rumbling thunder,
And with lightning striking an electric current that jolts through my body,
Waking me up from the deep sleep caused by my unexciting routined life.
I do the same thing everyday, and each repeated action pushes me a little farther into this hole of depression.
That was until you came into my life,
You were my lightning.
But also my storm;
Ripping through my life and drowning me in sorrow.
I love the rain because it hides my tears,
They camouflage into it and for once it feels like I’ve stopped crying.
I love the rain because I can go outside and be alone.
The streets go from crowded and loud,
To lonely and quiet.
With the most prominent sound being the tiptoe of rain against the my old yellow rain boots.
I love the rain because it’s smell fills my lungs and I feel as if I can finally breathe. Because the thunder jumpstarts my otherwise sedated heart.
I love the rain because it brings me back to life,
And alters my numbed brain,
Making me feel again.
Jul 29, 2014
Jul 29, 2014 at 9:33 PM UTC
I’m afraid I’ll lose him completely,
Even though I already have.
Another day passes,
Another memory of us disappears.
Leaving an empty hole in me, longing to be filled.
We both made mistakes, but I still was never good enough for his god-like complex.
As I fell for him like no other, we became two negative magnets repulsing.
I fought so hard to have my chance with him but when I looked over,
He hadn’t even lifted a finger to fight for me and had moved on.
He gave up so fast that it feels like his spectacularly imbecilic mind was made up the moment I met him.
And that I was just another girl he thought he had figured out and was an easy ****
But I wasn’t.
I stood my ground and didn’t give up my body to him and because of that he threw away any ounce of feelings for me and left.
One minute my small bony hand was wrapped in his,
Then within a blink of his deep brown eyes,
My hand slipped out of his and we shared our last kiss goodbye.
He looked me in the eyes after getting lost in them for a moment and said in a soft, regretful voice;
I don’t want to leave you.
That’s when I knew he had chosen her.
That’s when I knew I lost him.
And that no matter how much love we had for each other and how committed we were,
Even a friendship would be impossible because hearing him talk about her,
Or seeing him so happy with someone other than me,
Would hurt too much.
And I’d never be able to recover.
Jul 29, 2014
Jul 29, 2014 at 8:22 PM UTC
I haven’t heard from you for a while.
Seems like our relationship has just disappeared into thin air,
And you don’t even care.
We had a blooming friendship that was intertwined with love,
But like a needle taken to a balloon, our little bubble of joy bursted as reality barged in and tore us apart.
It would have never worked between us anyways.
I didn’t know what I wanted, but all I needed was a friend.
You wanted more, or nothing.
I barely knew you yet I lay here staring at the ceiling thinking of your hands.
You pop into my mind at the most inconvenient times,
And leave me motionless.
When I think of you its like time stops and the only things I can feel are the deep crater in my heart that you filled for a moment and my missing you.
I now lack our long conversations and your early morning texts,
Would it be that bad if those were to exist once more?
I fell for you but not in love.
I fell into the wall of friendship, and it supported me.
You didn’t go crumbling down when I crashed into you.
I valued that but no matter what my feelings, you still wanted more.
Everyone wanted me to have more for you.
I can’t give you anymore.
I have been drained of love.
I am barren and empty.
There will be no more love for me to give as long as my feelings are knotted up like this.
I thought I had you to help me detangle my emotions and figure out how to feel okay again,
But you’ve left me like all the others.
You left that empty crater and the tangled ball of feelings for me to sort out on my own, even though I can’t.
I’ve gone down this road one too many times.
I’m finished with finding someone to help and to compensate for the one I loved.
I give up.
And so I’ll have to find my lost strength and fix myself alone.
But I don’t know if that is even possible,
Because what if I like being broken?
Jul 29, 2014
Jul 29, 2014 at 2:45 AM UTC