Today, I want to die.
I want to vanish and leave everything behind.
I want to stop my mind from sending unwarranted thoughts,
I want to scream and scream until I’m exhausted.
Today, I want to know why I need to continue living.
I want to see why I’m still needed here,
When in fact the world will be much better without me,
And my mere existence is a burden that the world carries.
Today, I want to ask forgiveness:
to my family who never fail to show their support,
to my friends who keep on cheering me on.
I’m sorry that I’m now tired... and resting and having a good night sleep is not enough.
I’m sorry that I need to do this,
I’m sorry that I couldn’t see the light.
I’m back again at the tunnel, where everything is black and sad.
If ever I won’t make it this time, please know that I had so much fun knowing you and loving you all..
Apr 19, 2021
Apr 19, 2021 at 11:24 PM UTC
It's been years since the last time I felt loved by another person aside from my Family.
He is an attractive man... scratch that, he is gorgeous!
Way gorgeous than what I've been praying for.
His eyes, his nose, HIS LIPS!
Everything about him screams of Masculinity.
Though I only met him online, I've always dreamed to be with him since the day we start chatting.
One thing I've noticed is he knows how to flirt!
He makes sure that I'm taken care of through his endless reminders.
He sends random snaps of himself and motivation,
he also sends voice messages that made my heart swoon.
But Wednesday came and he stopped sending GIFs.
His usual sweet good mornings and messages came to cease as if my subscription has been cut off,
and I failed to guard my heart again from getting hurt.
But surprisingly I'm not mad at him.
I'm actually happy because if a stranger can make me feel emotions unbeknown to me,
what more will be the man who will pursue me?
For now, I will linger a little bit more on his messages.
I will keep on playing his songs until I finally get over him.
Maybe writing about him here is one way to lessen this intense feeling that had been put off.
But I'm happy that last week, I fell in love
Apr 11, 2021
Apr 11, 2021 at 11:48 PM UTC
When I was a kid, my mom would always say that I don't need to be smart and pretty, I just need to be kind.
I was bewildered because society says otherwise.
You need to be pretty so you can get attention.
You need to be smart so you can make a point.
You need to conform to what society says so can belong.
But now that I'm grown up, I wish I have obeyed her.
Because in this harsh and demanding world,
kindness is a rare trait that we long to have.
Mar 8, 2021
Mar 8, 2021 at 4:03 AM UTC
I'm drowning
slowly
to the pit of burnout
and endless tasks
I'm floating
away
from what's really important
from the real world
because of my choices
I'm dying
but every time I lay myself to rest
my hidden dreams awake me
shouting and crying
reminding me that this is not yet the end
this is not the life I'm dreaming for
I just need to push myself more
until I reach the end
and finally fall
Mar 8, 2021
Mar 8, 2021 at 3:44 AM UTC
Water splashing from the old basin in the sink.
Slowly dripping, washing the remnants of an old letter ink.
Footsteps echo, calling out the people who used to dance in the hall.
Ruined cello, whispering those merry moments that made me fall.
Lights dimmed and the dogs stopped barking.
Birds sing and the distant memories begun lurking.
You cry
They laugh
You hide
They run
And few moments later
You stopped staring at those dead people at last
Aug 18, 2020
Aug 18, 2020 at 10:08 AM UTC
Here it goes, I never thought I would be able to celebrate my 25th birthday today but thanks to God for giving me the Grace and the strength to carry on and continue living.
It’s been months since I’m under medication for MDD. There are days that I feel normal with no bouts of sadness but there are days that I want to end my life because I’m tired of feeling so helpless and worthless. Before I thought that those who has MDD are just a little bit exaggerated with their emotions but now I salute all those who continue to fight this battle. Despite the stigma, the name-calling, the constant pull of sadness, they still choose to move forward—one step at a time.
And today I just want to celebrate life and it’s diversity. I want to tell everyone that your emotions are valid and no one has the right to invalidate it. You are feeling it, experiencing it because you can and it’s part of life.
Let’s also normalize “blue days” as much as how to acknowledge “celebrations.” The sun is not always shining so don’t feel ashamed when you all want to do is to lay down and cry.
Some may not agree on how I live my life, on how I do my job, or how I manage people, but I’m very much thankful to those who still believe in me despite my flaws and incompetence. They are one of the reasons why I haven’t end this beautiful journey yet.
So let’s cheers and be happy while the blue clouds are still away! Happy birthday, self!
Aug 6, 2020
Aug 6, 2020 at 3:53 AM UTC
The biggest liar you’ll ever meet is the very person you always see in the mirror.
Jun 20, 2020
Jun 20, 2020 at 4:09 AM UTC
I hate that you are unaware that my feeling has started to grow deeper.
I hate that I see you now as more than friend.
But I hate myself more for continually holding on.
Nov 22, 2019
Nov 22, 2019 at 1:05 AM UTC
When things get rough and everything seems in chaos, I want you to take a deep breath and calm yourself.
Smile and focus your eyes on the goal.
Cheer up, beautiful warrior.
Nov 22, 2019
Nov 22, 2019 at 1:04 AM UTC
You know the drill.
Do not fall for that innocent smile.
Do not fall for that promising lies.
Do not fall for that sweet gestures or that husky bedroom voice.
Do not overthink that he's into you when you know that he does that too to every woman he meets.
Do not justify your feelings.
JUST DON'T
Nov 21, 2019
Nov 21, 2019 at 2:14 AM UTC