you never ask if im okay
i kiss you and i taste your lips so bitter against mine
you spat on me, your venom felt like some sort of ******* haven
id rather have you poisoning me than spend a day without you
youd rather i just **** off but no one else will give you as much attention
i want you to ask how i am, what im feeling
i want you to kiss me like you actually ******* mean it
not like you're just passing the time
i think about you and something in my stomach twists
it's not butterflies and i know that because butterflies dont sting
i didn't think you would sting and ache and bruise me this bad
i push you off me and you just walk away
i try to run back to you but i just stumble
you watch me fall and carry on walking
and no i'm not okay
Aug 15, 2015
Aug 15, 2015 at 9:33 PM UTC
the demons leak out of my mind sometimes and i swear
the people around me can see them
theyre holding up signs
telling my friends STAY AWAY FROM THIS ONE
telling strangers to beware
cant get close to anyone now
connections just dont come very easily to me
can anyone see beneath the shrouds of fog around my mind
clouding up the person i am, presenting the world with something darker
thats not me
im pleading im pleading
someone someone PLEASE see underneath
no one ever does
im waiting for someone to find the spark thats being blown out
protect it from the wind and the rain that the stormclouds produce
its going to be too late soon
Aug 14, 2015
Aug 14, 2015 at 9:34 PM UTC
i dont know you yet but who ******* cares
we're both young and confused and lonely
i dont really want this and neither do you
but its been so ******* long since i felt someones touch
and i know its the same for you
cheap love cheap beer **** blow and the comedown never ******* ends
i dont even feel the high anymore
you dont either
but we both pretend
its more fun that way isnt it?
more fun
synonymous of less awkward
reality doesn't exist to me anymore
so why be honest to the world outside
when the world outside isn't honest with me
Aug 14, 2015
Aug 14, 2015 at 7:31 PM UTC
numbers letters and shapes flicker through my brain at a thousand miles a second
i cant keep up with the thoughts that won't up and leave
i string together everything i can to create something more easy for me to fathom
your name appears instantly in my head
the only thing that ever really makes any sense
i kick through the void ive closed myself into
and i flee to you
my only escape and my only comfort
and now you're drifting away again
like before
and im reaching out to hold your hand
but i just fall to the floor
wanting more
needing it all
but everything merges together again too fast for me to keep up
i shut my door and i sit on my hands
no point trying to grasp for anything like you again
never again will i try to escape the void
the void is the only thing that keeps me sane
everything else just ***** me over
Aug 14, 2015
Aug 14, 2015 at 10:58 AM UTC
bitter inconsistencies in the world
one minute she loves me
next minute shes setting me on fire and turning me to ash in her mind
i dont know where i stand with her
i just want to stand beside her
hold her hand and remind her that her demons won't be here forever
and i'd fight them all off for her
if she would just guide me
through the shadowed parts of her mind that i know she tries to hide
i want to trace the scars on her arms and ribs
remind her that the demons cant seep back in
id kiss the marks and tell her they were permanently healed
no way for the terrors that haunt her soul
to find their way back when i banish them to hell
i'd do that for her
Aug 14, 2015
Aug 14, 2015 at 9:30 AM UTC
it's difficult to explain the inner workings of your mind
when you feel like you're living your entire life
floating through time, not exactly here
but not sure where
conversations consist of incoherent thoughts and words
nothing strings together quite like it used to
poetry isn't an outlet anymore
it's a way of ensuring words won't fail me all the time
feeling let down by my own dissonance
the inside of my head isn't in tune with the outside of my head
my thoughts don't match my actions
my words don't fit with my thoughts
mental illness or drugs? or what?
I don't know anymore, I'm not sure I ever really did
I can't get a grip on the world, and my thoughts betray me
as I'm screaming my favourite songs from the top of my lungs
I say what I mean but don't mean what I say, was I right no?
no
can't connect to the music like I used to
can't feel in the way that I want to
numb to everything outside of my mind
can't find my bearing outside of my mind
safer inside than outside my mind
can't get away from the thoughts plaguing my mind
stuck inside
Aug 14, 2015
Aug 14, 2015 at 9:11 AM UTC
hand in hand, we stood
under blossom trees, your palms
cold with your fingers wrapped
around my own
dutiful, almost
you belong entangled with me
the wind carries a whisper
of our voices
pleading
let go now, let go, you're holding on too tight
but it feels like you're slipping away
through my clammy palms
your icy hands, numb but still
the pain remains
I can't let go
it doesn't feel like I have anything
left within you to hold onto
you're already gone
Dec 18, 2014
Dec 18, 2014 at 5:50 PM UTC
it wasn't enough to hear you say that you love me,
I needed proof, hard proof, evidence
that a being like yourself even had a heart inside that skeletal cage,
does it beat? Or just lay still
like your body when you're beside me.
I know you don't love me any more,
your heart stopped beating at least 3 months ago
and before that I have a feeling it was black, and cold as ice, anyway
you'd beg for kisses, and more, and tell me you love me
as you collapsed in a heap next to me
but never on me, there was always distance between us
even when we should be the closest one human can get to another
but I felt the space between us, turn from a crack, to a gaping hole
you never told me you loved me when I kissed you, or when I had to blow your nose
because you were too sick to even move your arms
you never said you loved me when I cooked us breakfast on a rainy morning
and you listened to me humming our song, under a breath laced with regret
and that morning I let you wind your arms around my front, and you whispered in my ear
I thought you'd say you loved me, you just told me the eggs were cooked wrong
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 24, 2014 at 1:49 PM UTC
It felt as though her body was an ocean, and despite her petite size, she held the power of a thousand men. Sometimes it would wash over your own body so peacefully, so daintily, you could never be sure if you had felt it at all. You could never be sure she had ever really been there at all. The only evidence that remained of her presence was the tingling feeling you always felt after she had left. Always. Besides that there was nothing, as a being so seemingly magical as herself would leave you in a daze, a daydream, wishing she might return, but you could never be sure of that, either. She left you feeling cleansed, renewed, like the world could never hurt you or taint you again. Almost as though each and every drop of water on the planet had submerged you, with no intention of letting you free. But did you even want to escape? Of course not.
Sometimes she was too much to handle, a tidal wave of fury and rage and angst, but mostly compassion. She felt empathy towards all the souls she encountered and would love every living creature with a heart so large I wasn’t sure it could fit inside her tiny ribcage. The force of the waves she threw upon you were too much to withstand, and she would send the breath from your lungs and leave stars in your eyes and a feeling of disorientation. You felt euphoric, a unique kind of high that no chemically encrypted drug could ever bring you close to. And you felt the comedown too. You felt it stronger than a drug induced comedown could ever force. You missed her with every aching bone in your body and your heart felt like it was a time bomb set to explode, triggered by her.
She would always take your breath away. She removed the air from your lungs and replaced it with her own. Your breaths, she fashioned into words. Words of love, and romance, and wisdom. Words of lust. The things she desired most but would never be attainable from other beings so simplistic in comparison. Nobody ever really asked why she did this, but nobody ever really wanted to. The curiosity sent you to madness at night, spending each and every darkened hour awake, with questions that felt as though they burnt holes in your brain. Nobody ever wanted to ask her. They were curious, yes. But the fear of becoming the moon to the sea and driving in the tidal waves outweighed the yearning for knowledge. This is rare within humankind, as the thirst for knowledge is unstoppable. Always wanting more.
More, more, more.
She had control over us, and we didn’t mind one bit.
May 31, 2014
May 31, 2014 at 6:52 AM UTC
I want to be your thoughts at 3 am
When the rain is falling silently
And I cant decipher whether its your heartbeat
Leaving such a sour taste in the back of my
Throat
Or if its just the bottle of ***** we shared
Burning the memories and the words you spoke into the depths of my neck
And I claw cause I want them gone
But I know once they're erased
I'll be screaming for the taste
And I'll miss you in the way that im so thankful youre gone
May 26, 2014
May 26, 2014 at 3:40 PM UTC