We’re raised to believe that finishing is what gives life value,
This constant need to arrive, the need to complete,
When death comes and leaves things undone anyway.
Death creates a spectacle of finitude, how impromptu it can be.
But there is no such thing as an untimely death-
It simply happens, just the way it does.
And LIFE, life does not just disappear after.
It redistributes to everyone left behind,
Into how they think, how they choose, love, and question.
Death is just death- The most natural, human truth there is.
But no, it does not erase effort; it only exposes the lie
That completion was ever the point.
— fir.m
Jan 8
Jan 8, 2026 at 7:29 PM UTC
Ten thousand screams, seething with rage,
Ten thousand cries, trembling with pain,
Merging into one, a relentless wave,
Years of feeling, fractured and fleeting,
Rushing through the corridors of my mind.
A violent melody, endless and raw,
A symphony stretching across eternity,
Then everything dissolved into silence,
I sank to my knees, drowning in emotion,
What was this feeling, unnameable, ungraspable?
It was everything at once, yet nothing at all,
Tremors rippled, inside and out,
Echoing through the fragile shell of my world,
The walls I built, brick by careful brick,
Collapsed in seconds, a symphony of ruin.
What was that feeling? They called it panic.
I thought I was fine, thought I was okay,
But was my well-being a masterful illusion,
A play I directed to soothe my mind,
To fabricate solace for my existence?
That feeling—everywhere, yet nowhere at all—
The tight, suffocating pain, piercing through,
Everywhere, yet nowhere, a phantom ache,
My world crumbling, and truth dawning:
I was doing too much, yet not enough.
It was cold, unrelenting, this truth—
Nothing is enough, not even everything.
I wanted to cry, not just inside,
But to pour out the ache that hollowed my chest,
Yet Death hovered, its blade aimed at my heart.
Cold, numbing, but somehow awakening,
I had to stop pretending, stop the facade,
To find the strength to truly be fine,
Not in illusion, but in truth’s embrace,
To seek the help that heals the soul.
Everywhere, yet nowhere at all—
The pain, the guilt, the resentment,
Aimed at everything, yet nothing at all.
And in that moment, I gave myself permission,
To not be okay— and that was enough.
-fir.m
Nov 28, 2024
Nov 28, 2024 at 1:44 PM UTC
I stand amidst chaos, lost in the haze,
Reaching for you, but your gaze never strays.
The one I once sought, my refuge, my guide,
Is no longer waiting where hope used to reside.
You, my constant in a world so unkind,
Now absent, like others who’ve left me behind.
Perhaps you've surrendered, as they all have too,
Given up on the soul you once held true.
So now, I'll play the role they’ve designed,
Proving them right with the scars in my mind.
No, I haven't abandoned the fight within me,
I’ve merely become what they forced me to be:
Friendless, loveless, and cold as the stone,
A shadow that lingers, lifeless, alone.
-fir.m
Nov 22, 2024
Nov 22, 2024 at 6:01 PM UTC
I am noise, I am flame,
I am fury, unbound pain.
Rage and storm, blood and fire,
I am chaos, raw desire.
I am wonder, I am strife,
The raw, unyielding pulse of life.
I am art in its truest form,
Brilliant, fierce, a cosmos reborn.
-fir.m
Nov 22, 2024
Nov 22, 2024 at 1:27 PM UTC
Those eyes, so striking;
Hiding such deception
•looking only to gain
Not to save and restore
But to corrupt and pain
Yet, I let you love me
For I am filth, ensured
To give you everything
For just your phony love
For just your presence.
Those lips, so intoxicating;
Dishonest with such precision
•Each word a poison, sweetly steeped,
To keep my heart in darkness deep.
Your potion’s spell will never wane,
Your charms both thrilling and profane.
Though forged in falsehood, they delight,
And I, mere human, seek their light.
Your deceit becomes my fragile tether,
Your lies preserve my stormy weather.
Oh, how I need this tempest, fierce and wild
To soothe my chaos, broken and beguiled.
That touch, so mesmerizing;
Fatal with such bruising intent
•love, it is you, and you alone
That can wreck me so beautifully
Each caress, a dagger cloaked in silk,
Each bruise, a hymn, each tear, a thrill.
You play my mind, a victor proud,
And I’m enthralled, your captive bowed.
Your hands both clothe and strip my soul,
Fulfilling voids, making me whole.
That presence, so alluring
A beauty borne of aching torment.
•Yet here I stand, my burdens vast,
Ignoring how my weakness casts
Its shadow on the strength you feign,
Your love a balm, a binding chain.
I see you trying, in your way,
To love me how your heart conveys.
And though it burns, I crave the flame,
For in your ruin, I find my name.
-fir.m
Jun 4, 2023
Jun 4, 2023 at 10:56 AM UTC
A distant shimmer, a mirage of water,
Dancing on the edge of a scorched path's border.
Born of heat and refracted light,
Like intimacy’s clash—its endless fight:
A step closer, and it slips farther.
Happiness, too, wears a fleeting guise,
Always just beyond desperate eyes.
Eluding even the fiercest demands.
No matter the cost, no matter the stride,
It lingers just out of reach, then hides.
And so the future drifts and flows,
Day by day, person by person, lows by lows.
No matter how "happily ever after" is sold,
How rainbows shine after storms grow cold,
Or how the tunnel defends its lighted ends,
For some, the chaos never bends.
Fairytales, dreams, hopes retold—
For certain hearts, they never unfold.
-fir.m
Jun 3, 2023
Jun 3, 2023 at 12:21 AM UTC
For so long i've worked hard to not expect.
I've trained relentlessly not to be needy.
I've been good to deserve better.
And i've closed doors to avoid aching intruders.
For too long i've allowed myself to stop myself
From wanting anything more than everything
And thence you came with your perfection
Oozing optimism for everything and more
So for a while I recklessly permitted myself to have expectations,
To feel deserving, to open my doors
To wanting everything and to wanting you
And like all good things it was great, until you were through.
So right now, my heart is breaking into a million pieces,
For unmet expectations and unrequited longing. And maybe that's good;
For in the future you'll serve as a reminder
The perfect reason for tightly shut doors
Even though what's inside most definitely
Deserves anything, everything and more.
-fir.m
May 2, 2023
May 2, 2023 at 10:28 PM UTC
You said that my words were bitter
You said my tone sounded harsh
As if I was on a mission to hurt you
As if I'm the villain in this story.
It hurts that you can't see right through me
It really hurts that you look, but you can't see me
I truly thought we were better than this...
I thought we knew each other better than this.
My words may have been bitter and my tone harsh
But it's only because contradiction spells my heart
I want to hate you, eradicate you from my life
I want you to come back to me and love me until I die.
I don't know what to do anymore, I can't ignore you
I can't not see you, to not feel you, to not breathe you.
Obliviate what ruined us? If only you were willing to try.
What do I do? God, why do I pine for someone like you?
If only you could see all these words meant for you
Would you then be able to see me, not think I'm harsh?
Would it make you pity me or give you the courage to try?
to try for this bitter girl who was once just on a mission to love you until the day she dies.
-fir.m
Apr 28, 2023
Apr 28, 2023 at 6:58 AM UTC
I know
That it
Is selfish,
But my anger
Wants you
To ache for
Me
The way
I ache
For you.
Only then I'll be pleased; knowing that you're truly suffering for all the love you gave and took away.
-fir.m
Apr 10, 2023
Apr 10, 2023 at 4:51 AM UTC
How is it that I mean so little to you?
When I cry my whole heart out blue
How is it fair that I'm the one crying every night?
When you're out there living your best ******* life
Do I really mean so little to you?
After all these years of us being perfectly dued
To this thing called love...
How can I mean so little to you?
You ******* *******
-fir.m
Apr 9, 2023
Apr 9, 2023 at 12:34 AM UTC