I lack enthusiasm
sincerity
honesty
generosity
and impartiality
I like sleeping all day
and being up all night
getting drunk
kissing strangers
and getting a take away on the way home
I wish I had the qualities
that you possessed
like confidence
sprightliness
and the ability to get dressed
I feel a thousand pains
all pouring down the same drain
cold
aloof
and vain
Take me to another place
where I don't annihilate
my brain
my body
and my face
Jan 8, 2012
Jan 8, 2012 at 8:28 PM UTC
One year older
No more wiser
Aging an inevitability
Unwanted
like rain in summer
or a scuff on a new pair of shoes
A day for celebration
should be a day for mourning
black veils and chrysanthemums
a footstone for the grave
A retailers delight
for card companies and cake shops
not for halfhearted smiles
or aging discontent
For me, just another day
One year older
no more wiser
aging an inevitability
Jan 8, 2012
Jan 8, 2012 at 11:39 AM UTC
morning
approaches indecently
as another day descends
alarm sounds
bursting ear drums
so severe
day, a revulsion
like a carcass
cooking in the heat
gather strength
to leave this nest
of comfort and content
take this pain
and make it rain
to wash over me
until then
pray for a mend
with little victory
Jan 5, 2012
Jan 5, 2012 at 6:19 PM UTC
When did hating myself become such an art?
I am the Da Vinci of self loathing
aiding in the rebirth of shame and inadequacy
After breathing, it is the thing I do most in life
I don't quite recall when my childhood ended
Innocence, hope, love and happiness
were victims of it's downfall
I was a passionate child and now a passionless adult
Obliterated by the home truths of life
I see smiling faces and hear joyful laughter
They are content
I ask in a world
with unimaginable suffering and gross poverty
how anyone can be content with being content
It is a perplexing affair
as you see I am not without
my pomposity and hypocrisy
It is hard to live an ordinary life
when you feel you are destined for extraordinary things
but extraordinary is for the others
the rich, the beautiful, the exceptionally gifted
I am none of these things
Yet how come this underlying
undeniable, unrelenting, overwhelming feeling
burns through me
like a match reaching it's cindered fulfillment
that I am destined for those extraordinary things
I feel I am nothing
but I am something
a human being
In this world
with mind, body and emotion
Alas there it is again
emotion, my emotion
my pitiful yet unwavering hatred of the only one thing
I truly have and need,
myself.
Jan 2, 2012
Jan 2, 2012 at 4:34 PM UTC
Equal; the love and hate of my company
Content in isolation
Away from judgmental eyes
A symptom of worthlessness
I possess sight
But have misplaced perspective
A path to self destruction
Destination despair
Happy alone
A burden for no one
Except myself.
Jan 2, 2012
Jan 2, 2012 at 4:08 PM UTC
A stomach full
Not enough
An addiction for the miserable
While society's an audience
A secret just for me
Once a need
Now a want
A home found in greed
Control
A satisfying victory
A vivid mind
A fledgling soul
Brief happiness
Eternal guilt
A stomach full
Not enough
Jan 2, 2012
Jan 2, 2012 at 4:07 PM UTC
A dagger,
with which you rip my heart.
A hole remains,
from where I dig a grave.
For us,
I mourn,
as you proceed
to douse me in disregard.
Drowning sorrows,
drunken merriment,
a euphoric disease.
A crowd,
a gaze.
A stare so cold,
my body you freeze.
Frost bitten,
twice shy.
A reconciliation with apathy.
Jan 2, 2012
Jan 2, 2012 at 4:06 PM UTC
I am a shameless paradox
But a shameful being
Content with myself internally
Abhorred with myself externally
A conversation with my mind
A funeral for my aesthetic
A coffin to peace
Jan 2, 2012
Jan 2, 2012 at 4:05 PM UTC
A million tiny paper cuts
a liberation
Despised reflection
vegetating mind
Veins pulsate
within a trembling frame
Arrested by anger
imprisoned within stone faced walls
A million tiny paper cuts
pain then relief
Blood as tears
consuming me
Jan 2, 2012
Jan 2, 2012 at 4:04 PM UTC
Withering
as I crumble to ground
My mind is deafened with truth
as I gag my heart to stay mute
A purgatory for the fearful and cautious
Vulnerability, locked up like an evil being
awaiting a worse faith yet to be seen
My mind is the window to my soul
my heart a remote black hole
A longing to be fearless
From here the truth is swallowed
like a hawk devouring prey
Burdened by mediocrity
what could they see, that I don't see in me?
Jan 2, 2012
Jan 2, 2012 at 3:58 PM UTC