it's weird that
how what i did
didn't change much
i still feel
the same guilt
the same sadness
the same misery
it's all the same
i guess the only thing that changed
is the fact that i tried to do it
2d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 10:45 AM UTC
For all the times you've hurt me
Under the guise of good reasons
Crying in my room until I couldn't breathe
Knowing you messed up, invading when I didn't say a word
Yawning and stretching the next morning like nothing had happened
Once, no, more, I've considered bad things
Unlimited reasons why I can hate you
May 21
May 21, 2026 at 5:30 PM UTC
i haven't outright told anyone
about this thing i did
if i told someone i knew,
it would probably go something like this
oh my god, i'm so sorry
followed by a tight hug
i'd probably tear up because it was a stupid thing i did,
but
not enough for anyone to worry about, really
no, it's okay, i was being stupid
hey
it's okay
i'm here
i know you are
physically
but i know deep down, you'd be freaking out
in your head, i feel like i'd be one more problem to you
you definitely wouldn't say it out loud
probably not even in your head to yourself
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 7:36 PM UTC
yeah
i lied
so what?
it was to keep them safe
all of them
i let them know
that it wasn't about me
i think i edited it
just in time, in fact
because so many people
have tried committing
the two i'm thinking of now were
so
d a m n
close
i was going to lose it
i wasn't even CLOSE
i only had a mere fraction
of what they had
they're going to wonder why i published them
and took them down so quickly
and i won't have the energy to explain
i still can't believe this is the closest i've gotten
it's horrible that part of me
sees this as an accomplishment
i want to throw up because of that thought
or maybe it was because of what i did
or tried to do
bad timing
i probably won't even throw up
i don't know anymore
i don't deserve this
i don't deserve
any
of this
Why couldn't I follow through?
May 16
May 16, 2026 at 7:15 PM UTC
#1
one of the ones i hate the most...
i'd talk to people about things
if i allowed myself to.
but i can't.
and that's the simple truth.
i'd always feel intruding
even if they told me i wasn't.
and if you know me,
i'm sorry.
sorry that i don't really tell you anything.
sorry that i probably won't.
i'm fine right now, as you know,
but
if i'm being honest, M.D.,
you're right
and i'm wrong
okay?
i admit it
the most i'll tell you
is that
i was being stupid
the important distinction is,
stupid, yes,
BUT.
alive.
May 13
May 13, 2026 at 5:06 PM UTC
just finished crying
it's weird when i was because now i'm thinking,
was it worth it to cry over that?
over them?
they were both making me so ******* mad
they still are
i hate both of them right now
i probably won't tomorrow
for whatever reason...
i know i won't
i want to
but then again,
i want a lot of things
i want to scream, "fuck you,"
to everyone and everything
that's ever hurt my friends
i want to burn it into the minds
of people i should love
yet i don't
not right now, at least
i might do it tonight
it's so hard
to hold on
i can feel my grip on life
slipping between my fingers
like water
or sand
i know a lot of you would probably want me to keep holding on
but is it so wrong of me to admit
that i actually can't?
that i'm weak and tired?
it's not just what happened tonight
it's what's been happening
for years
goodbye, i hope
May 11
May 11, 2026 at 9:10 PM UTC
i was thinking
about doing something stupid
but then
i got an email from
you
"you're a cool person
thank you for everything"
i was going to make a joke
but suddenly
i felt that i shouldn't
and inexplicably
i didn't want be stupid anymore
instead
i wanted to cry
May 9
May 9, 2026 at 8:08 AM UTC
R - Really nice and loves Steel Ball Run apparently (he'd probably want me to include that i do too, yet i don't)
A - Actually needs to sleep less and continue having bad posture so that he never gets taller
T - Tries his best to cheer people up (and it always works)
May 9
May 9, 2026 at 8:00 AM UTC