we're all eating stuff
that will probably **** ourselves
earlier than expected
but why would I care about that
if I already smoke as much as I do?
you take pills so you don't hate yourself
they turn you
into a faceless zombie
with no expressions
or feelings
you take pills so you don't **** yourself
but even so
there's no longer a smile on your face
or energy in your bones
to go out and meet people and do stuff
as you used to
back when we met
seasons change as fast as my hair grows
and I slowly grow older
smaller
thinner
eventually I'll lose my meaning to you
as you have already lost to yourself
we'll all grow tired of each other
as quickly as we once grew fond
and when our strength to love ourselves is no longer present
- probably prior to the end of the next year
maybe we can finally do what we think about
when we're alone at night:
to **** ourselves so we don't hate ourselves
Dec 31, 2019
Dec 31, 2019 at 10:15 AM UTC
right now
your feet are touching mine
while each of us
enjoys their own space
and yet
we're still together
i wonder if
this is how you want us to be:
separate whenever
we feel like being apart
but passionate when we care
about being together
your joyful laugh
never ceases to
steal my attention
and your neck
keeps on attracting me
as if calling my name
while I'm half awake
i feel like i should be worried
- i could be falling
into a deep dark hole
but still i feel
so secure and safe
whenever I'm beside you
and i want to kiss your forehead
and tell you i really
really like you
because you're funny
and cute
and ****
and amazingly beautiful
and interesting and intelligent
and I'd really love to
fall in love with you
May 27, 2019
May 27, 2019 at 10:20 PM UTC
i walk
unattentive
no care about the steps
i take
holding your hand
going to the train station
we sit down side by side
you're telling me a story
about something related
to your young students
and i find yet another pink hair
stuck in my beard
the train arrives
all the vampire people
start to slowly walk
through its double doors
dragging their feet along the way
we can't find a place to sit
so we remain standing up
face to face
and i find yet again in your expression
the very same singularity
that made me feel weird and romantic
when i first met you
i pay close attention to your eyes
which reminds me of
the sweet smell of coconut shampoo
and the way you grin
every single time
my lips touch your neck
we say our simple goodbyes
wish each other a good day of work
i get off the train
and start walking
unattentive
no care about the steps i take
because if i did care
i'd also probably realize
i'm past the point of seeing you
as just another person
Apr 25, 2019
Apr 25, 2019 at 12:54 PM UTC
i wanted to thank you
for these good times
sharing drugs and
sleeping next to each other
after half a night of
*** and ****
but truth is
i feel like changing
yet another time
not because i'm bored or anything
it's just that
i can't fall to need someone again
i wanted to love
and be loved by someone
for as long as i can remember
you are here
exactly when i can't commit
i can only exist by your side
even though i like to
play with your hair
while you sleep
i can't tell you the whole truth
i can't say that i will always
fall in love
that this is just the way i am
but it doesn't mean it'll last
it just means that
for a little while
you were all i thought about
this is yet another reason for us
to no longer exist together
we belong apart
our bodies belong apart
our thoughts belong apart
until we can do something about it
i feel like we are a train crash
that if had happened
in a different context
would've put us on the tracks
Apr 3, 2019
Apr 3, 2019 at 11:24 PM UTC
this is the moment i write about you
when i've already drank enough
and i find it really hard to write the right words
through these wrongful steps
i come to say that i'm alright
and practically over you
not completely alright
i still have many exhausts
which are gonna hurt me eventually
- not in a sentimental way, at least
but yeah
i'm managing my way
through being a single guy at his 20s
even though nobody's ever taught him
anything about it
i was thinking about this today
the last girl i tried to get along with
was one year younger than me
and she was 17
now i'm 21
and i'm completely hopeless in what concerns
getting to talk to girls
but i don't feel bad
- even though i've dreamt about you last night
and i'm alright
and i truly hope you are as well
and i hope you'll read this eventually
and feel better
i'm gonna get over with alcohol
- i don't put my word on the line,
but i swear i'll try
fare thee well
i hope you send me boots of spanish leather
(and i hope you get the reference, hahahah)
Oct 12, 2018
Oct 12, 2018 at 1:29 AM UTC
he was standing on the curb
a bearded man with a wool cardigan
a striped one, made for the winter
by strange hands and thrown away for him
to find it between pizza boxes in an alley.
now I know he was a beggar, but
at that time, when I was four,
he looked like a funny old man;
he blew the smoke from his cigarrette in the night air
and he glanced at me
as my family got inside the ice cream shop -
where the ice cream people are, you know.
I had fruit salad in a goblet
and laughed at my father's silly panama hat
and imagined what I'd be when I grew old.
my mother offered me her hand and we went to the car;
I kneeled in the backseat, staring through the rear view window
I saw the alluring lights of the city
and the leather-dressed people standing in front of bars
and the funny old man lying in a pool of tomato juice
in the same curb I saw him just before;
my sister yelled something I don't remember
and started crying as my father called the police.
I sat on the backseat covering my eyes with my hands
and hoped that those deafening sounds would stop
and felt so awkward and so thoughtful
for not understanding that completely.
today, I think about the funny old man
dressed in striped clothes lying in that curb
and realise that that was not tomato juice,
but the key to the understanding of my mind,
the only thing that could make a four-yeard-old kid
wonder about the death, simple as it is,
and about the things that made someone
stick a knife in a beggar's belly.
May 31, 2014
May 31, 2014 at 4:34 PM UTC
noite que adormece
manhã que desperta
café que entorpece
minha mente entreaberta
sonho que é combustível
de memórias não vividas
sono sempre receptível
pra esquecer das idas e fridas
responsabilidades que desbotam
a alegria da minha vivência
pássaros da manhã que desatam
os nós da minha consciência
gosto dos desgostos de se gostar
e do brilho amendoado do teu olhar
May 31, 2014
May 31, 2014 at 3:12 PM UTC
as luzes e os sons da cidade
que nessa penumbra são meus fantasmas
atraem os sentidos da racionalidade
e repelem o instinto de minha consciência
o melhor dos meus acidentes e minha doença
a incurável, que me faz trabalhar a todo tempo
e que me faz saber o que só eu sei;
todos os bons rapazes de barbas feitas
com argumentos irrefutáveis e namoradas invejáveis
têm olhos tão bons quanto os de minha rola
eu sou falso, não me atrevo a debater
pois, afinal, por que lhes dar meu tempo?
eu o faria com algumas poucas pessoas
apenas as que me pudessem compreender
como as principais moças de meu inconsciente;
mas até que alguém assim me encontre
sigo caminhando sozinho no início de noite
tentando compreender o que é isso
e qual a importância de tudo que me circunscreve
enquanto sei que nada importa
andando a passos lentos
fazendo o que calho de fazer
encarando minha sombra recém criada
pela lua hasteada no céu de piche
sentindo o orvalho beijar minhas canelas
enquanto espero que alguém jamais se importe comigo.
May 24, 2014
May 24, 2014 at 7:11 PM UTC
the cat to the boot and the boot to me
from me to the gun and from the gun to my man
my gun screams and rustles
just like that couch in the garden of yours
my man is true and confident
the truth and the confidence, themselves, told me so
in a gathering held at Sicilia
and there was also a wom'n
she laughed at my striped pants and kissed me farewell
I travelled along with the Mayflower fellas
in a tiny yellow rubber boat with black stripes
they told me a tale about a guy and a gun
with a cat and a boot
or could that be a different tale?
I don't know
better ask Grahame, that fact twister
May 19, 2014
May 19, 2014 at 5:28 PM UTC
it is awkward to look in a mirror
I usually see someone I'm not used to talk to
that's why none of my dreams never had any of them
I would prefer if it was you in mine
just like in that Velvet Underground's song
"I'd put you in my mirror, I put in front of me"
it'd be wonderful to look at it and see you
that pale skin of yours, your dark eyes contrasting
your pink lips and your unmistakable black sweater
this is so wrong I couldn't tell so even if I tried
but I get in love way too easily
and I might get ****** up the same manner
you choose
May 19, 2014
May 19, 2014 at 5:13 PM UTC