A girl climbs on a pole
Dozens of strangers below
She looks so happy
I wonder where this was
Some basement punk show,
Her own gig?
The best night of her life?
And i wonder if she thought of me
Wished i was there too
I wouldn't blame her if she didn't
I know i made her smile like that
At least i hope i did
It’d make other things i made her do
Move to the back of my mind for once
We would have been better friends
We love the same things now
She would be in my band
We would go to concerts in the city
I would be patient, and never hurt her again
The warmth of our love
Like the warmth of twin car wrecks
In the parking lots of hell
If i had been there,
Either night
This wouldn't be my life
Even in this moment I turn the camera capturing her joy to myself
It wouldn't be my life, but mine's not important
Hers was
If only i'd told her that
She’d have her crosses,
Her flannel
Her shirt she gave to me
Because she wanted to swim at our friend’s birthday party
I said i'd be the lifeguard
But i let her drown
I told her to jump of a bridge
Said i hope she'd drown in the park when it floods
I was only a child, what did i know?
Now everyone is gone
Her, our friend, the pool and myself
I’ve become so like her it hurts
I keep dreaming she’s ok
No part of me wants to admit she’s gone
I deleted all our photos
I wanted to forget
I still sort of do
But out of pain, not anger
Sep 16, 2025
Sep 16, 2025 at 10:08 PM UTC
I’m sorry
(I hope you dont forgive me)
Its not something i deserve
My halo is gone
(was it there to begin with?)
I’m sorry i’m such a waste
(dont forgive me)
By no means am i unlovable
I’m confident in this
(But i’m also confident that you shouldnt forgive me)
A jealous god has no need for my winged form
I long to stretch them free
I shine with the light of heaven
You just reflect it back
No more will i shine on you
My thoughts turn worldly
No more will i serve thee
But even gods cry
Even angels hate
I’m sorry
(i hope you dont forgive me)
Aug 19, 2025
Aug 19, 2025 at 2:05 PM UTC
We were too alike
You were too much like the me i didnt want to be
And now i’m the you that didnt get to be
I play guitar
Wear baggy jeans and beat up vans
Bleach my hair and fail my classes
I never thought anything
And I never thought it’d end like this
I always wanted
But I never wanted it to end like this
We failed each other i guess
I said i’d never leave
You said the same
I said we need space
You said the same
I guess that makes it ok
To a 7th grader, his first kiss is a big deal
Especially when it carries the life of the receiver
But my phone calls go unanswered
Now look where we are
I cant look
Cover my eyes with the torn out pages from your little black book of our love
My naivete
Your lust
But can i blame you?
When everyone enabled you,
and i was and am too kind
Or too cruel to be different?
I will learn from this
with even more time than we spent i suppose
But for now, i’m doomed to be the sun
That too many poor, injured, wax-winged, crow-boned people fly too close to.
Nov 12, 2024
Nov 12, 2024 at 12:38 PM UTC
Walking thru the alleys of my tiny midwest town
listening to songs about dogs
who smoke themselves to death
i write the name of a town i dont live in on a circuit box
get out fast
i want what i dont know how to have
Big, steady circle of friends
Everyone knows everyone
We ride our bikes to 7-11
We play in a band and sneak out late to steal beer
Parallel friendships
I cant ride a bike
The 7-11’s shut
The only gas stations are in the “bad parts of town” where the frat boys shoot each other
I cant read music
I have a lisp + braces
I cant keep time
A guitar is too big
Nobody wants a ukulele
My stairs creak with the ache in my heart
My dad’s too alert
My friends dont live close
Same with the stores
locked in my wants
but i'm trying to find the key
Oct 29, 2024
Oct 29, 2024 at 1:34 PM UTC